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(2001–2003)

Quotes

[a couple deciding on where to go on a holiday]

Man: All right, I'll stick a pin on this map and wherever it lands, that's where we'll go.

[sticks pin]

Woman: Siberia.

Man: Too cold.

[sticks pin]

Woman: Sahara Desert.

Man: Okay new rule, it's got to be somewhere that can sustain human life.

[sticks pin]

Woman: The Indian Ocean.

Man: Okay, it's got to be a place where we can stand on.

[sticks pin]

Woman: Canada.

Man: We've been there.

[sticks pin]

Woman: China.

Man: No beaches.

[sticks pin]

Woman: Portugal

Man: Don't fancy it.

[sticks pin]

Woman: France.

Man: Too predictable. Can I be honest? I want to go to Hawaii.

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Little Girl: Dad, will you tell me a bedtime story?

Dad: Of course! Once upon a time, there was a man named Freddy Krueger...

Mum: Let me do it!

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Doctor: Well, I've just gotten your test results back.

Man: And?

Doctor: You'll be happy to know it's just Benign.

Man: Thank God.

Doctor: That's good news isn't it, Mr. Ignant?

Man: I'm not Mr. Ignant, I'm Mr. Ign. Mr. Ben Ign.

Doctor: [looks at his paper] Then who's this Mal Ignant?

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Woman: [walks up to counter] Hello. Can I have a can of lemonade, please?

Various Roles: [writing on a piece of paper] Over there in the fridge. Help yourself!

Woman: And a cup of tea, please.

Various Roles: Teabags over there, cup's there, water there, milk there!

Woman: And a slice of cake?

Various Roles: Eggs in the fridge, flour and sugar in the cupboard!

Woman: [getting annoyed] And a ham sandwich, please!

Various Roles: Pig out back, bolt gun behind door!

Woman: I want to see the manager!

Woman: Office there, door there!

[Tim exits the office]

Woman: Are you the manager?

Man: Badge there, title there!

Woman: [pointing at Jim] Counter there, rudeness there!

Man: [gives Jim a termination letter] P45 there, Exit there

Various Roles: [gives Tim an envelope] Too late! Envelope here, resignation there!

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Woman: I said quilt, not kilt.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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