The Sketch Show (2001–2003)
[a couple deciding on where to go on a holiday]
Man: All right, I'll stick a pin on this map and wherever it lands, that's where we'll go.
Man: Too cold.
Woman: Sahara Desert.
Man: Okay new rule, it's got to be somewhere that can sustain human life.
Woman: The Indian Ocean.
Man: Okay, it's got to be a place where we can stand on.
Man: We've been there.
Man: No beaches.
Man: Don't fancy it.
Man: Too predictable. Can I be honest? I want to go to Hawaii.
Little Girl: Dad, will you tell me a bedtime story?
Dad: Of course! Once upon a time, there was a man named Freddy Krueger...
Mum: Let me do it!
Doctor: Well, I've just gotten your test results back.
Doctor: You'll be happy to know it's just Benign.
Man: Thank God.
Doctor: That's good news isn't it, Mr. Ignant?
Man: I'm not Mr. Ignant, I'm Mr. Ign. Mr. Ben Ign.
Doctor: [looks at his paper] Then who's this Mal Ignant?
Woman: [walks up to counter] Hello. Can I have a can of lemonade, please?
Various Roles: [writing on a piece of paper] Over there in the fridge. Help yourself!
Woman: And a cup of tea, please.
Various Roles: Teabags over there, cup's there, water there, milk there!
Woman: And a slice of cake?
Various Roles: Eggs in the fridge, flour and sugar in the cupboard!
Woman: [getting annoyed] And a ham sandwich, please!
Various Roles: Pig out back, bolt gun behind door!
Woman: I want to see the manager!
Woman: Office there, door there!
[Tim exits the office]
Woman: Are you the manager?
Man: Badge there, title there!
Woman: [pointing at Jim] Counter there, rudeness there!
Man: [gives Jim a termination letter] P45 there, Exit there
Various Roles: [gives Tim an envelope] Too late! Envelope here, resignation there!