Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "follow the butterflies"?
Dumbledore: It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices.
Lucius Malfoy: Let us hope that Mr. Potter will always be around to save the day.
Harry: Don't worry. I will be.
Draco Malfoy: [to Harry, disguised as Goyle] Why are you wearing glasses?
Goyle: Oh, uh... reading.
Draco Malfoy: Reading? I didn't know you could read.
Molly Weasley: *Your* sons flew that enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night.
Arthur Weasley: [to the boys] Did you really? How did it go?
[after Molly hits him]
Arthur Weasley: I mean, that was very wrong indeed, boys. Very wrong of you.
Gilderoy Lockhart: Hello. Who are you?
Ron: Um... Ron Weasley.
Gilderoy Lockhart: Really! And,uh, wh-who am I?
Ron: Lockhart's memory charm backfired! He hasn't got a clue who he is!
Gilderoy Lockhart: It's an odd sort of place, this, isn't it? Do you live here?
Gilderoy Lockhart: Really?
[knocks Lockhart unconscious with a rock]
Ron: Follow the spiders? Follow the spiders? If Hagrid ever gets out of Azkaban, I'll kill him! I mean, what was the point of sending us in there? What have we found out?
Harry: We know one thing. Hagrid never opened the Chamber of Secrets. He was innocent.
Dumbledore: You both realize, of course, that in the past few hours you have broken perhaps a dozen school rules.
Dumbledore: And that there is sufficient evidence to have you both expelled.
Dumbledore: Therefore, it is only fitting that you both receive...
Dumbledore: Special Awards for Services to the School.
Oliver Wood: We play our game, Hufflepuff doesn't stand a chance. We're stronger, quicker and smarter.
Fred Weasley: And not to mention they're dead scared that Harry'll petrify them if they fly anywhere near him.
Oliver Wood: Well, that too.
[after using a spell to mend Harry's broken arm, Lockhart inadvertently removes all the bones in it]
Gilderoy Lockhart: Ah... yes, well, that can sometimes happen. Um, but, uh, the point is, uh, you can no longer feel any pain. And, very clearly, the bones are not broken.
Hagrid: Broken? There's no bones left!
Gilderoy Lockhart: Much more flexible, though.
Harry: Not to be rude or anything, but this isn't a great time for me to have a house elf in my bedroom.
Uncle Vernon: And Dudley, you will be?
Dudley Dursley: I'll be waiting to open the door.
Uncle Vernon: Excellent. And you?
Harry: I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don't exist.
Harry: Ron, I should tell you, most Muggles aren't accustomed to seeing a flying car.
Lucius Malfoy: Mr. Potter! Lucius Malfoy. We meet at last. Forgive me, your scar is legend. As, of course, is the wizard who gave it to you.
Harry: Voldemort killed my parents. He was nothing more than a murderer.
Lucius Malfoy: You must be very brave to mention his name. Or very foolish.
Hermione: Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself.
Lucius Malfoy: And you must be Miss Granger. Yes, Draco's told me all about you. And your parents. Muggles, aren't they? Let me see. Red hair... vacant expressions... tatty second hand book... you must be the Weasleys.
Arthur Weasley: Children, it's mad in here. Let's go outside.
Lucius Malfoy: Well, well, well. Weasley senior.
Arthur Weasley: Lucius.
Lucius Malfoy: Busy time at the Ministry, Arthur, all those extra raids? I do hope they're paying you overtime. Though judging by the state of this, I'd say not. What's the use in being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?
Arthur Weasley: We have a very different idea about what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy.
Lucius Malfoy: Clearly. Associating with muggles. And I thought your family could sink no lower.
Ron: They were starving him, Mum! There were bars on his window!
Molly Weasley: Well, you'd best hope I don't put bars on your window, Ronald Weasley!
Moaning Myrtle: Oh, Harry? If you die down there, you're welcome to share my toilet.
Harry: Uh... thanks, Myrtle.
Ron: If it kills by looking people in the eye, why is it no one's dead?
Harry: Because no one did look it in the eye. Not directly, at least. Colin saw it through his camera. Justin... Justin must've seen the basilisk through Nearly Headless Nick. Nick got the full blast of it, but he's a ghost; he couldn't die again. And Hermione... had the mirror! I bet you anything she was using it to look around corners in case it came along.
Ron: And Mrs. Norris? I'm pretty sure she didn't have a camera or a mirror, Harry.
Harry: The water. There was water on the floor that night. She only saw the basilisk's reflection.
Mrs. Weasley: RONALD WEASLEY! How dare you steal that car? I am absolutely disgusted! Your father's facing an inquiry at work, and it's entirely your fault! If you put another toe out of line, we'll bring you straight home!
Mrs. Weasley: Oh, and Ginny dear, congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so proud.
[turns back to Ron]
Mrs. Weasley: PPPBBBTTT!
[the howler rips up]
Mrs. Weasley: .
Prof. Sprout: Oh, Longbottom's been neglecting his earmuffs.
Seamus Finnigan: No, ma'am, he's just fainted.
Prof. Sprout: [pauses and sighs] Yes, well, just leave him there.
[as Ron burps up slugs]
Hagrid: This calls for specialist equipment.
[hands Ron a bucket]
Hagrid: Nothing to do but wait 'til it stops, I'm afraid. Better out than in.
Hagrid: I'd just like to say that, if it hadn't been for you Harry, and Ron and Hermione of course, I would... I'd still be You-Know-Where. So I'd just like to say thanks.
Harry: There's no Hogwarts without you, Hagrid.
[Snape blasts Lockhart off his feet in a practice duel]
Hermione: Do you think he's all right?
Ron: Who cares?
Ron: Have you spoken to Hermione?
Harry: She should be out of hospital in a few days... when she stops coughing up fur balls.
Hermione: Professor, I was wondering if you could tell us about the Chamber of Secrets.
Professor Minerva McGonagall: [seeing everyone's faces] Very well. Well, you all know, of course, that Hogwarts was founded over a thousand years ago, by the four greatest witches and wizards of the age. Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin. Now three of the founders co-existed quite harmoniously. One did not.
Ron: Three guesses who.
Professor Minerva McGonagall: Salazar Slytherin wished to be more selective about the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed magical learning should be kept within all magic families. In other words, pure bloods. Unable to sway the others, he decided to leave the school. Now according to legend, Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in this castle, known as the Chamber of Secrets. Though shortly before departing, he sealed it until that time when his own true heir returned to the school. The heir alone would be able to open the chamber and unleash the horror within, and by so doing, purge the school of all those who, in Slytherin's view, were unworthy to study magic.
Professor Minerva McGonagall: Well naturally the school has been searched many times. No such chamber has been found.
Harry: Wish you were here, Hermione. We need you. Now more than ever.
Harry: Remember what Aragog said about that girl 50 years ago? She died in a bathroom. What if she never left?
Ron: Moaning Myrtle!
[deleted scene; the students are unaware that Harry is listening from behind the wall]
Ernie MacMillan: So anyway, I told Justin to hide up in our dormitory. I mean to say, if Potter's marked him down as his next victim, it's best he keeps a low profile for awhile.
Hannah Abbott: But why would he want to attack Justin?
Ernie MacMillan: Well, Justin let it slip to Potter that he was Muggle-born.
Hannah Abbott: And you definitely think Potter's the Heir of Slytherin?
Ernie MacMillan: Hannah, he's a Parselmouth. Everyone knows that's the mark of a dark wizard. Have you ever heard of a decent one who can talk to snakes? They called Slytherin himself "Serpent Tongue".
Hannah Abbott: Harry always seemed so nice, though. And after all, he is the one who made You-Know-Who disappear.
Ernie MacMillan: That's probably why You-Know-Who wanted to kill him in the first place. Didn't want another Dark Lord competing with him.
Arthur Weasley: Now, Harry you must know all about Muggles, tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
Hermione: Look, Hagrid's our friend, why don't we just go and ask him about it?
Ron: That would be a cheerful visit. "Hello Hagrid! Tell us, have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately?"
[Hagrid has walked up behind them]
Hagrid: Mad and hairy? You wouldn't be talkin' about me, now would ya?
Fred Weasley: Look everyone, it's the heir of Slytherin!
George Weasley: Be careful! He's a seriously evil wizard.
Ron: Come on, Harry. Fred and George were just having a laugh.
Harry: They're the only ones.
Ron: Okay, so half the school thinks you're nipping off to the Chamber of Secrets every night. Who cares?
Harry: Maybe they're right.
Hermione: Harry! Harry? Oh, come on!
Harry: Look, I didn't know I could speak Parseltongue! What else don't I know about myself? Look. Maybe you can do something, even something horrible and not know you did it.
Hermione: You don't believe that, Harry. I know you don't. And if it makes you feel any better, Malfoy's staying for the holidays, too.
Ron: Why would that make anyone feel any better?
Hermione: Because, in a few days the Polyjuice Potion will be ready! In a few days, we may truly know who is the heir of Slytherin.
Harry Potter: It's alright Ginny, It's over. It's just a memory.
Draco Malfoy: [after having Harry's picture taken] Bet you loved that, didn't you Potter. Famous Harry Potter can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page.
Ginny: Leave him alone.
Draco Malfoy: Oh, look, Potter, you got yourself a girlfriend.
Ron: You're a parselmouth! Why didn't you tell us?
Harry: I'm a what?
Hermione: You can talk to snakes!
Harry: I know. I mean, I accidentally set a python on my cousin Dudley at the zoo once. Once. But so what? I bet loads of people here can do it.
Hermione: No, they can't! It's not a very common gift, Harry. This is bad.
Harry: What's bad? If I hadn't told that snake not to attack Justin...
Ron: Oh, that's what you said to it?
Harry: You were there! You heard me!
Ron: I head you speaking parseltongue. Snake language.
Harry: I spoke a different language? But I didn't realize... how can speak a language without knowing I can?
Hermione: I don't know, Harry, but it sounded like you were egging the snake on or something. Harry, listen to me. There's a reason the symbol of Slytherin house is a serpent. Salazar Slytherin was a parselmouth, he could talk to snakes too.
Ron: Exactly! Now the whole school is gonna think you're his great-great-great-grandson or something.
Harry: But I'm not! I can't be.
Hermione: He lived a thousand years ago. For all we know, you could be.
Gilderoy Lockhart: [whilst flying out of the Chamber of Secrets with Fawkes, Harry, Ron, and Ginny] AMAZING! This is just like magic!
Hermione: He called me a mudblood.
Hagrid: He did not!
Harry: What's a mudblood?
Hermione: It means dirty blood. Mudblood's a really foul name for someone who's muggle born. Someone with non-magic parents. Someone like me. It's not a term one usually hears in civilized conversation.
Hagrid: See the thing is, Harry, there's some wizards, like the Malfoy family, who think they're better than everyone else because they're what people call "pure blood."
Harry: That's horrible!
Ron: [burps up another slug] It's disgusting.
Hagrid: And it's codswallop to boot. "Dirty blood." Why, there isn't a wizard alive today that's not half-blood or less. More to the point, they've yet to think of a spell that our Hermione can't do. Come 'ere. Don't you think on it, Hermione. Don't you think on it for one minute.
Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "Follow the butterflies"?
Dumbledore: You will find that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.
Lucius Malfoy: Admirable sentiments. Shall we? Fudge?
Cornelius Fudge: Come, Hagrid. Well?
Hagrid: If, uh, if anybody was looking for some stuff, then all they'd have to do would be to follow the spiders.
Hagrid: Yup. That would lead 'em right. That's all I have to say.
Lucius Malfoy: So it's true. You have returned.
Dumbledore: When the governors learned that Arthur Weasley's daughter was taken into the chamber, they saw fit to summon me back.
Lucius Malfoy: Ridiculous!
Dumbledore: Curiously, Lucius, several of them were under the impression that you would curse their families if they did not agree to suspend me in the first place.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: How is it that a baby with no extraordinary magical talent was able to defeat the greatest wizard of all time? How did you escape with nothing but a scar, while Lord Voldemort's powers were destroyed?
Harry: Why do you care how I escaped? Voldemort was after your time!
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Voldemort is my past, present, and future.
Moaning Myrtle: *I'm* Moaning Myrtle! I wouldn't expect you to know me! Who would ever talk about ugly, miserable, moping, Moaning Myrtle? AHHHHHHHHHH!
[she lets out a piercing shriek and dive-bombs into one of the toilets, disappearing with a splash]
Hermione: She's a little sensitive.
Harry: You'd better clear off before my bones come back, Dobby, or else I might strangle you.
Dobby: [jumps off the bed] Dobby is used to death threats, sir. Dobby gets them five times a day at home.
Harry: It's a snake skin.
Ron: Bloody hell. Whatever shed this must be 60 feet long, or more.
[Gilderoy Lockhart passes out]
Ron: [to Harry] Heart of a lion, this one.
Filch: Well, take a good look lads. This night might well be the last you spend in this castle. Oh, dear, we are in trouble.
Harry: You. You're the Heir of Slytherin. You're Voldemort.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Surely you didn't think I was going to keep my filthy Muggle father's name? No. I fashioned myself a new name, a name I knew wizards everywhere would one day fear to speak, when I became the greatest sorcerer in the world!
Harry: Albus Dumbledore is the greatest sorcerer in the world!
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Dumbledore's been driven out of this castle by the mere memory of me!
Molly Weasley: Now don't forget to speak very, very clearly.
Molly Weasley: What did he say dear?
Arthur Weasley: Diagonally.
Molly Weasley: I thought he did.
[after Harry pushes him down into the Chamber]
Gilderoy Lockhart: It's really quite filthy down here.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: So this is what Dumbledore sends his great defender. A songbird and an old hat.
[after the attack on Mrs. Norris]
Professor Snape: If I might, Headmaster. Perhaps Potter and his friends were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. However, the circumstances are suspicious. I, for one, don't recall seeing Potter at dinner.
Gilderoy Lockhart: I'm afraid that's my doing, Severus. You see, Harry was helping me answer my fan mail.
[Harry and Ron are staring at each other after changing into Crabbe and Goyle]
Ron: [in own voice] Bloody Hell!
Harry: We still sound like ourselves. You need to sound more like Crabbe.
Ron: [in lower voice] Um... Bloody hell
Ron: Enlighten me. Why are we brewing this potion in broad daylight, in the middle of a girls lavatory? Don't you think we'll get caught?
Hermione: No. No one ever comes in here.
Hermione: Moaning Myrtle.
Draco Malfoy: Father always said that Dumbledore was the worst thing that ever happened to this place.
Harry: [disguised as Goyle] You're wrong!
Draco Malfoy: What? You think there's someone here who's worse than Dumbledore? Well? Do you?
Harry: [disguised as Goyle] ... Harry Potter?
Draco Malfoy: Good one, Goyle. You're absolutely right.
Gilderoy Lockhart: [Echoing from the bottom of the entrance shaft] it *really* is quite filthy down here!
Harry: [Preparing to follow Lockhart] Here we go.
Moaning Myrtle: Oh Harry - if you die down there, you're welcome to share my toilet!
[Quick shot of Ron looking pained before cutting to Harry]
Harry: Urr, thanks, Myrtle!
Hagrid: I shouldn't have told you that.
Harry: You're Aragog, aren't you?
Aragog: Yes. Hagrid has never sent men into our hollow before.
Harry: He's in trouble. Up at the school there've been attacks. They think it's Hagrid. They think he opened the Chamber of Secrets, like before.
Aragog: That's a lie! Hagrid never opened the Chamber of Secrets!
Harry: Then you're not the monster?
Aragog: No! The monster was born in the castle. I came to Hagrid from a distant land, in the pocket of a traveler.
Ron: [terrified] Harry.
Harry: But, if you're not the monster, then-then what did kill that girl 50 years ago?
Aragog: We do not speak of it! It is an ancient creature we spiders fear above all others.
Harry: But have you seen it?
Aragog: I never saw any part of the castle but the box in which Hagrid kept me. The girl was discovered in a bathroom. When I was accused, Hagrid brought me here.
[Ron points at the spiders surrounding them]
Harry: Well... thank you. We'll just go.
Aragog: Go? I think not. My sons and daughters do not harm Hagrid on my command, but I cannot deny them fresh meat when it wanders so willingly into our midst. Goodbye, friend of Hagrid.
Ron: Can we panic now?
Draco Malfoy: My father did say this; it's been fifty years since the chamber has been opened. He wouldn't tell me who opened it, only that they were expelled. The last time the Chamber of Secrets was opened, a mudblood died. So it's only a matter of time before one of them is killed this time. As for me, I hope it's Granger.
Draco Malfoy: "Enemies of the Heir Beware"? You'll be next, mudbloods.
Ron: Do you think it's true? Do you think there really is a Chamber of Secrets?
Hermione: Yes. Couldn't you tell? McGonagall's worried. All the teachers are.
Harry: But if there really is a Chamber of Secrets, and it really has been opened, then that means...
Hermione: The heir of Slytherin has returned to Hogwarts. The question is; who is it?
Ron: [sarcastically] Let's think. Who do we know who thinks all muggle borns are scum?
Hermione: If you're talking about Malfoy...
Ron: Of course! You heard him. 'You'll be next mudbloods'.
Hermione: I heard him. But Malfoy, the heir of Slytherin?
[Hedwig wants to be let out of her cage]
Harry: I can't let you out, Hedwig! I'm not allowed to use magic outside of school. Besides, if Uncle Vernon...
Uncle Vernon: [yells] Harry Potter!
Harry: Now you've done it.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Funny, the damage a silly little book can do, especially in the hands of a silly little girl.
Hermione: It's a bit strange, isn't it?
Hermione: You hear this voice, a voice only you can hear, and then Mrs. Norris turns up petrified? It's just... strange.
Harry: Do you think I should have told them? Dumbledore and the others, I mean.
Ron: Are you mad?
Hermione: No, Harry. Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn't a good sign.
[to Tom Riddle]
Harry: [smiling] I bet Dumbledore saw right through you.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: He certainly kept an annoyingly close watch on me after that!
[walks around Harry]
Tom Marvolo Riddle: I knew it wouldn't be safe to open the Chamber again while I was still at school so I decided to leave behind a Diary, preserving by 16-year old self in its pages so that ond day, I would be able to lead another to finish Salazar Slytherin's noble work!
The Sorting Hat: Bee in your bonnet, Potter?
Harry: I-I was- I was just wondering, if you put me in the right house?
The Sorting Hat: Yes, you were particularly difficult to place. But I stand by what I said last year: You would have done well in Slytherin.
Harry: You're wrong.
[about Crabbe and Goyle]
Ron: Maybe we could trick them into telling.
Hermione: Even *they* aren't that thick.
Gilderoy Lockhart: Harry, Harry, Harry. Can you possibly imagine a better way to serve detention, than by helping me to answer my fan mail?
Harry: Not really.
Gilderoy Lockhart: Fame is a fickle friend Harry. Celebrity is as celebrity does. Remember that.
Gilderoy Lockhart: Let's have a volunteer pair. Potter, Weasley, how about you?
Professor Snape: Weasley's wand causes devastation with the simplest spells. We'll be sending Potter to the hospital wing in a matchbox.
Harry: Your bird, there was nothing I could do. He just caught fire.
Dumbledore: Oh, and about time too. He's been looking dreadful for days. Pity you had to see him on a burning day.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Let's match the power of Lord Voldemort, Heir of Salazar Slytherin, against the famous Harry Potter.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Haven't I told you? Killing Mudbloods doesn't matter to me any more. For many months now, my new target has been you.
[Crabbe and Goyle eat the floating Sleeping Draught cupcakes]
Ron: How thick could you get?
Professor Snape: You were seen. By no less than seven Muggles! Do you have any idea how serious this is? You have risked the exposure of our world! Not to mention the damage you inflicted on a Whomping Willow that's been on these grounds since before you were born!
Ron: Honestly, Professor Snape, I think it did more damage to us.
Professor Snape: Silence! I assure you that were you in Slytherin and your fate rested with me, the both of you would be on the train home tonight!
Moaning Myrtle: Here I am, minding my own business, and someone thinks it's funny to throw a book at me.
Ron: But, it can't hurt if someone throws something at you. I mean, it would just go right through you.
Moaning Myrtle: [swooping down towards Ron] Sure! Let's all throw books at Myrtle, because she can't feel it! Ten points if you get it through her stomach!
[punches Ron in stomach]
Moaning Myrtle: Fifty points if it goes through her head!
[punches Ron in head]
Harry: [writing inside Tom Riddle's diary] My name is Harry Potter.
[the words disappear, then other words appear in the diary]
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Hello, Harry Potter, my name is Tom Riddle.
Harry: [writing] Do you know anything about the Chamber of Secrets?
Tom Marvolo Riddle: [word appears] Yes...
Harry: Can you tell me?
Tom Marvolo Riddle: No...
[Harry sighs in frustration, but then sees the next words, and get excited]
Tom Marvolo Riddle: But I can show you... Let me take you back 50 years ago... 13th June.
[the pages turn to this date, then Harry is swept inside the diary]
[Tom watches wizards carry a dead student away]
Dumbledore: Riddle. Come.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: [looks upstairs and sees Dumbledore, who is fifty years younger] Professor Dumbledore.
Dumbledore: It is not wise to be wandering around this late hour, Tom.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Yes, Professor. I suppose I-I had to see for myself if the rumors were true.
Dumbledore: I'm afraid they are, Tom. They are true.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: About the school, as well? I don't have a home to go to. They wouldn't really close Hogwarts, would they, Professor?
Dumbledore: I understand, Tom. But, I'm afraid Headmaster Dippet may have no choice.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Sir, if it all stopped. If the person responsible was caught...
Dumbledore: Is there something you wish to tell me?
Tom Marvolo Riddle: No, sir. Nothing.
Dumbledore: [he examines Riddle, but then shrugs it off] Very well, then. Off you go.
Tom Marvolo Riddle: Goodnight, sir.
Dobby: [Dobby stands between Harry and an advancing Lucius Malfoy] You shall not harm Harry Potter!
Lucius Malfoy: Avarda -
[Before he can finish, Dobby sends Malfoy flying with a wave of his hand]
[Hermione explains to Ron and Harry how they can use Polyjuice potion to impersonate Slytherin students]
Ron: Brilliant! Malfoy will tell us anything!
[Hermione reveals that it will take a month to produce the Polyjuice potion]
Harry: A month!
[lowers his voice]
Harry: But Hermione, if Malfoy *is* the Heir of Slytherin, he could attack half the Muggle-borns in the school by then!
Hermione: I know, but it's the only plan we've got.
Harry: [a rogue Bludger starts chasing Harry during the Quidditch match]
Ron: [Getting his wand out] I'll stop it!
Hermione: No! Even with a proper wand, it's too dangerous - you might hit Harry!
[Ron gets his wand out to levitate the sleeping draught cupcakes when Harry holds his hand out]
Harry: Eh, Ron, perhaps I'd better do it?
[Ron looks at his wand]
Ron: [Resignedly] Yeah
[puts the wand away, as Harry gets his own wand out]
Uncle Vernon: I should think you'd be a little more grateful. We've raised you since you were a baby, given you the food off our table, even let you have Dudley's second bedroom, purely out of the goodness of our hearts.
Harry: You're running away? After all that stuff you did in your books?
Gilderoy Lockhart: Books can be misleading...
Harry: You wrote them!
Gilderoy Lockhart: My dear boy, do use your common sense! My books wouldn't have sold half as well if people didn't think *I'd* done all those things!
[after Lockhart reveals his ineptness at fighting the Dark Arts]
Ron: Is there anything you CAN do?
Gilderoy Lockhart: Yes, now you mention it. I'm rather gifted with Memory Charms. Otherwise, you see, all those wizards would have gone blabbing. And I'd never have sold another book.
Uncle Vernon: Oh no you don't, boy! You and that bloody pigeon aren't going anywhere!
Oliver Wood: I don't believe it! Where you think you're going, Flint?
Marcus Flint: Qudditch practice!
Oliver Wood: I booked the pitch for Gryffindor today.
Marcus Flint: Easy, Wood. I've got a note.
Ron: Uh-oh. I smell trouble.
Oliver Wood: "I, Professor Severus Snape do hereby give the Slytherin team permission to practice today, owing to the need to train their new Seeker." You've got a new seeker? Who?
[Malfoy steps out from behind the crowd]
Harry Potter: Malfoy?
Draco Malfoy: That's right. And that's not all that's new this year.
[shows everyone the new brooms]
Ron: Those are Nimbus Two-Thousand and Ones! How'd you get those?
Marcus Flint: A gift from Draco's father.
Draco Malfoy: You see, Weasley, unlike some, my father can afford the best.
Hermione Granger: At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent.
Draco Malfoy: No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood!
Ron: You'll pay for that one Malfoy! Eat slugs!
[Ron 's jinx backfires, hitting him in his chest and knocking him several feet backwards. The Gryffindor team and Hermione run to his side]
Hermione Granger: You okay, Ron? Say something!
[Ron opens his mouth and coughs up a huge slug and Colin Creevey begins snapping away with his camera]
Colin Creevey: Wow! Can you turn him around Harry?
Harry Potter: No Colin! Get out of the way!
Hagrid: What are you doing here? Get outta my house!
Lucius Malfoy: Believe me, I take absolutely no pleasure being inside your...
[looks around, disgusted]
Lucius Malfoy: You call this a house?
Harry: But I haven't had any messages, from any of my friends. Not one, all summer.
Dudley Dursley: Who'd want to be friends with you?
Gilderoy Lockhart: [Looking down the pipe leading to the Chamber of Secrets] Well... well done!, Well,
[turns and tries to leave]
Gilderoy Lockhart: there's no need for me to stay!
Harry: [Pushing Lockhart back with Ron's help] Yes there is!
Gilderoy Lockhart: Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little dueling club, to train you all up, in case you ever need to defend yourselves, as I myself have done on countless occasions. For full details, see my published works.
Gilderoy Lockhart: Let me introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher... me. Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five times winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award. But I don't talk about that; I didn't get rid of the Banden Banshee by smiling at him.