Jimmy Grimble is a shy Manchester school boy. At school he is constantly being bullied by the other kids, and at home he has to face his mother's new boyfriend who he doesn't like. However,... See full summary »
A former sports star who's fallen on hard times starts coaching his son's soccer team as a way to get his life together. His attempts to become an adult are met with challenges from the attractive soccer moms who pursue him at every turn.
Disgraced ex-England captain (Danny 'Mean Machine' Meehan) is thrown in jail for assaulting two police officers. Whilst in jail, he doesn't recieve any favours because of his celebrity status in the outside world. He is out numbered and many prisoners constantly barrage him with insults for letting down his country in a crucial World Cup game. He keeps his head down and has the opportunity to forget everything and change the lives of the prisoners. These prisoners have the chance to put one over the evil guards. The prisoners are lead by Danny and the whole of the prison, guards aside, are behind them. Game on...... Written by
At the end of the movie the match commentators give the following speech: "Guards of Pentonville, guards of Wandsworth, Walton nick in Liverpool, policemen of Britain, traffic wardens and parole officers, wheel clampers, your boys have taken a hell of a beating today! A hell of a beating!" This speech is a direct reference to Norwegian sports commentator Bjørge Lillelien who made British headlines, when in 1981, Norway beat England during the 1982 World Cup qualifiers and he gave the following emotional response: "[In Norwegian] We are the best in the world! We are the best in the world! We have beaten England 2-1 at football! It is totally incredible! We have beaten England! England, home of giants: Looooord Nelson, Looooord Beaverbrook, Sir Winston Churchill, Anthony Eden, Clement Attlee, Henry Cooper, Lady Diana. We have beaten them all, we have beaten them all! [In English] Maggie Thatcher, can you hear me? [In Norwegian] Maggie Thatcher, I have a message to you during the election: We have beaten England out of the World Championship in football! Maggie Thatcher, as they say in your language in the boxing-bars around Madison Square Garden: [in English] Your boys took a hell of a beating! Your boys took a hell of a beating!" However, despite the loss, England continued on to qualify for the World Cup finals, while Norway did not. See more »
After the fight in the canteen Danny was dragged away by the guards, seen wearing laceless shoes. But in solitary he is seen wearing sneakers with laces, something that would not be approved in such a place. See more »
[Danny drives a second free kick into Ratchett's crotch]
Ooh! Right in his Carentan onions.
No nooky for Mr. Ratchett.
No nooky for Mrs. Ratchett neither.
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As a huge fan of Longest Yard, I was very nervous about this film, rest assured, this is great, especially when watched with all yer mates and the lager is freely flowing. Vinnie Jones is a former england footie player now disgraced and stuck in prison for assault, if you've seen the Longest Yard you know what comes next.
Highlights include David Hemming's eyebrows, Jason Statham's insane Monk character, Bob & Bob the commentators, the over-done Ravinelli references (I'm a Boro fan), and Ralph Brown's guard who is actually a nice fella at the end, and a score of supporting actors who pop up during the film, but whose names I can't remember.
This film is not a classic, or a masterpiece, it's what almost every film should be: fun
Mean Machine (2001) well worth checking out
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