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Mean Machine (2001)

 -  Comedy | Drama | Sport  -  26 December 2001 (UK)
6.5
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Ratings: 6.5/10 from 25,870 users   Metascore: 45/100
Reviews: 80 user | 56 critic | 25 from Metacritic.com

A soccer star jailed for assault leads a group of inmates in a match against prison guards.

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(earlier screenplay "The Longest Yard"), (screenplay), 2 more credits »
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Title: Mean Machine (2001)

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
...
Doc
...
Governor
...
Burton
...
Massive
...
Trojan
...
Ratchett
John Forgeham ...
Charlie Sykes
...
Tracey
...
Billy the Limpet
...
Bob Likely
...
Martin Wimbush ...
Z
David Reid ...
Barman
David Cropman ...
Second Barman
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Storyline

Disgraced ex-England captain (Danny 'Mean Machine' Meehan) is thrown in jail for assaulting two police officers. Whilst in jail, he doesn't recieve any favours because of his celebrity status in the outside world. He is out numbered and many prisoners constantly barrage him with insults for letting down his country in a crucial World Cup game. He keeps his head down and has the opportunity to forget everything and change the lives of the prisoners. These prisoners have the chance to put one over the evil guards. The prisoners are lead by Danny and the whole of the prison, guards aside, are behind them. Game on...... Written by James Phillips

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

It's Not Just About Football, It's About Pride Inside! See more »

Genres:

Comedy | Drama | Sport

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for language and some violence | See all certifications »

Parents Guide:

 »
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Details

Country:

|

Language:

Release Date:

26 December 2001 (UK)  »

Also Known As:

A Máquina  »

Box Office

Budget:

£2,500,000 (estimated)

Opening Weekend:

$16,870 (USA) (22 February 2002)

Gross:

$92,191 (USA) (3 May 2002)
 »

Company Credits

Show detailed on  »

Technical Specs

Runtime:

Sound Mix:

Color:

Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1
See  »
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Did You Know?

Trivia

At the end of the movie the match commentators give the following speech: "Guards of Pentonville, guards of Wandsworth, Walton nick in Liverpool, policemen of Britain, traffic wardens and parole officers, wheel clampers, your boys have taken a hell of a beating today! A hell of a beating!" This speech is a direct reference to Norwegian sports commentator Bjørge Lillelien who made British headlines, when in 1981, Norway beat England during the 1982 World Cup qualifiers and he gave the following emotional response: "[In Norwegian] We are the best in the world! We are the best in the world! We have beaten England 2-1 at football! It is totally incredible! We have beaten England! England, home of giants: Looooord Nelson, Looooord Beaverbrook, Sir Winston Churchill, Anthony Eden, Clement Attlee, Henry Cooper, Lady Diana. We have beaten them all, we have beaten them all! [In English] Maggie Thatcher, can you hear me? [In Norwegian] Maggie Thatcher, I have a message to you during the election: We have beaten England out of the World Championship in football! Maggie Thatcher, as they say in your language in the boxing-bars around Madison Square Garden: [in English] Your boys took a hell of a beating! Your boys took a hell of a beating!" However, despite the loss, England continued on to qualify for the World Cup finals, while Norway did not. See more »

Goofs

After the fight in the canteen Danny was dragged away by the guards, seen wearing laceless shoes. But in solitary he is seen wearing sneakers with laces, something that would not be approved in such a place. See more »

Quotes

Doc: Look at me. Sweet old man, huh? Bit bumbly, fill of jail-block wisdom. Cornerstone of the jail, put him with the foundations, right? Right. I didn't get to be the oldest con for breaking windows. Villains spend their lives shitting themselves that other criminals are going to see to them. So they get their retaliation in first, and twice as nasty. A bloke was coming after me, so I, uh... I went around to his digs and lobbed a grenade through the window. Left o'er after the war, you know, army ...
See more »

Connections

Spoofed in She's the Man (2006) See more »

Soundtracks

You're Driving Me Crazy
Written by Walter Donaldson
Performed by Bob Brozman
See more »

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User Reviews

 
1-0 to the Mean Machine.
30 December 2009 | by (United Kingdom) – See all my reviews

Mean Machine is an English reworking of Robert Aldrich's 1974 beefcake Burt Reynolds starrer, The Longest Yard. Substituting Gridiron for Soccer, director Barry Skolnick, along with his roll call of British "faces", is only aiming for one market.

That of the footie worshipping clan that primarily resides within the United Kingdom.

Very much a long way from competing on the same playing field as Aldrich's superior movie, Mean Machine does have enough about it to make it an enjoyable viewing outside of the excellently constructed soccer match that fills out the last third of the piece. But with the film's reputation being far from good, the chance that many others feel the same as me are pretty remote. About as remote as Accrington Stanley winning the English premiere League one feels. The problem would seem to lay with the first hour, violence and humour thrust together does not always yield great rewards, and so it be with the wet behind the ears direction from Skolnick. Caught between a tough portrayal of British prison life and outright slapstick, it's an odd bedfellow that Skolnick can't quite get right. And with Guy Ritchie on the sidelines donning the "supervising producer" shirt, one can't help thinking that Ritchie would have made substantially more with the material to hand. But as "I" say, there's enough there for the discerning fan of blood and banter.

Led by the watchable Jones, the cast, outside of the miscast David Hemmings as the Governor, pull out the stops to entertain the terrace faithful. Danny Dyer haters will enjoy him getting knocked about as he plays simpleton Billy Limpet, while Jason Statham is a joy as Monk, a Jock that even the Jocks are afraid of. While also putting in scene stealing shifts of note are Jamie Sives, Vas Blackwood and Omid Djalili. It's no piece of work to rank in the higher echelons of British movies; or sports movies in general for that matter. But in spite of its soggy formula and over reliance on the template film its working from, it's very funny at times; and if you like soccer? Well the actual match is well worth the wait. 6.5/10

Footnote: The Longest Yard/Mean Machine was met with another re-imaging in 2005 with Adam Sandler as the disgraced lead protagonist. Proof positive that it's either a formula that many can't resist? Or that it's one that some feel still hasn't yet met its potential?


5 of 6 people found this review helpful.  Was this review helpful to you?

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