Mean Machine (2001)

R  |   |  Comedy, Drama, Sport  |  26 December 2001 (UK)
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Ratings: 6.5/10 from 28,418 users   Metascore: 45/100
Reviews: 83 user | 54 critic | 25 from

A soccer star jailed for assault leads a group of inmates in a match against prison guards.



(earlier screenplay "The Longest Yard"), (screenplay), 2 more credits »
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Cast overview, first billed only:
John Forgeham ...
Charlie Sykes
Billy the Limpet
Bob Likely
Martin Wimbush ...
David Reid ...
David Cropman ...
Second Barman


Disgraced ex-England captain (Danny 'Mean Machine' Meehan) is thrown in jail for assaulting two police officers. Whilst in jail, he doesn't recieve any favours because of his celebrity status in the outside world. He is out numbered and many prisoners constantly barrage him with insults for letting down his country in a crucial World Cup game. He keeps his head down and has the opportunity to forget everything and change the lives of the prisoners. These prisoners have the chance to put one over the evil guards. The prisoners are lead by Danny and the whole of the prison, guards aside, are behind them. Game on...... Written by James Phillips

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis


Not Your Usual Suspects See more »


Comedy | Drama | Sport

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for language and some violence | See all certifications »

Parents Guide:






Release Date:

26 December 2001 (UK)  »

Also Known As:

A Máquina  »

Box Office


£2,500,000 (estimated)

Opening Weekend:

£1,573,594 (UK) (28 December 2001)


$92,191 (USA) (3 May 2002)

Company Credits

Show detailed on  »

Technical Specs


Sound Mix:


Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1
See  »

Did You Know?


David Kelly replaced Warren Mitchell. See more »


After the fight in the canteen Danny was dragged away by the guards, seen wearing laceless shoes. But in solitary he is seen wearing sneakers with laces, something that would not be approved in such a place. See more »


[after Billy volunteers for the demonstration, Chiv begins lecturing on dirty tricks in football]
Chiv: Numero uno: the accidental treading the toe. It's an obvious one, but it works.
[Monk stamps on Billy's foot]
Billy the Limpet: AH! Fuck...
Chiv: Numero... two. Right, Billy, run towards the Monk.
Billy the Limpet: What, now, eh?
Chiv: Off you go, half-pace.
[Billy trots toward Monk, who throws up an elbow that spears him in the face]
Chiv: The cunningly-titled "elbow in the face." Very, very effective, but you do tend to get sent off, so if you're gonna...
See more »


References Tarzan the Ape Man (1932) See more »


Strings for Yasmin
Written by Lindasy Edwards and Darren Stokes
Performed by Tin Tin Out
See more »

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User Reviews

1-0 to the Mean Machine.
30 December 2009 | by (United Kingdom) – See all my reviews

Mean Machine is an English reworking of Robert Aldrich's 1974 beefcake Burt Reynolds starrer, The Longest Yard. Substituting Gridiron for Soccer, director Barry Skolnick, along with his roll call of British "faces", is only aiming for one market.

That of the footie worshipping clan that primarily resides within the United Kingdom.

Very much a long way from competing on the same playing field as Aldrich's superior movie, Mean Machine does have enough about it to make it an enjoyable viewing outside of the excellently constructed soccer match that fills out the last third of the piece. But with the film's reputation being far from good, the chance that many others feel the same as me are pretty remote. About as remote as Accrington Stanley winning the English premiere League one feels. The problem would seem to lay with the first hour, violence and humour thrust together does not always yield great rewards, and so it be with the wet behind the ears direction from Skolnick. Caught between a tough portrayal of British prison life and outright slapstick, it's an odd bedfellow that Skolnick can't quite get right. And with Guy Ritchie on the sidelines donning the "supervising producer" shirt, one can't help thinking that Ritchie would have made substantially more with the material to hand. But as "I" say, there's enough there for the discerning fan of blood and banter.

Led by the watchable Jones, the cast, outside of the miscast David Hemmings as the Governor, pull out the stops to entertain the terrace faithful. Danny Dyer haters will enjoy him getting knocked about as he plays simpleton Billy Limpet, while Jason Statham is a joy as Monk, a Jock that even the Jocks are afraid of. While also putting in scene stealing shifts of note are Jamie Sives, Vas Blackwood and Omid Djalili. It's no piece of work to rank in the higher echelons of British movies; or sports movies in general for that matter. But in spite of its soggy formula and over reliance on the template film its working from, it's very funny at times; and if you like soccer? Well the actual match is well worth the wait. 6.5/10

Footnote: The Longest Yard/Mean Machine was met with another re-imaging in 2005 with Adam Sandler as the disgraced lead protagonist. Proof positive that it's either a formula that many can't resist? Or that it's one that some feel still hasn't yet met its potential?

6 of 7 people found this review helpful.  Was this review helpful to you?

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