Ian:
Why are trying so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out?
Jocelyn Dashwood:
No hugging, dear. I'm British. We only show affection to dogs and horses.
Libby Reynolds:
I love you a million Swedish Fish.
Daphne Reynolds:
I love you a million red M&M's.
Glynnis Payne:
I know my daddy was naughty, but what about me?
Clarissa:
Oh, very you, lovely. So Henry asked us to give you a few pointers, didn't he? Well, pointer number 1: go home. Mother and I belong here and it's quite clear you just don't fit in. And pointer number 2: while you're packing, keep your grimy little Yankee paws off Armistead Stuart, he's mine.
Daphne Reynolds:
If you take your nose out of the air for one second you'll see you're designer, I'm vintage. You've got a mansion, I've got a five floor walkup. You're a snotty little miss cranky pants and I go with the flow, so why would you ever think for one second that I'd ever have the same taste in guys? So here's a little pointer for you. Get over yourself and stop trying to be my daddy's little girl because I'm not going anywhere.
Daphne Reynolds:
[
to Clarissa] My evil stepsister, you've seen Cinderella, right? Let me clue you in, I win.
Glynnis Payne:
Darling, we have to get Lubby here an escort.
Daphne Reynolds:
It's Libby, and why doesn't he just ask her himself?
Glynnis Payne:
Oh, put a cork in it, Clarissa.
Clarissa:
Maybe someone should've put a cork in it seventeen years ago.
[
Regarding Henry Dashwood's familiy mansion]
Daphne Reynolds:
It's bigger than our entire apartment and the Chinese restaurant downstairs and the dry cleaner down the street; it makes the White House look like a McDonalds!
Henry Dashwood:
Remember when I told you how groovy I used to be?
Clarissa:
That girl is totally barbaric!
Glynnis Payne:
Now Daphne, we don't want to make a scene now, do we?
Libby Reynolds:
Take your hand off my daughter or you won't get a scene, you'll get a Broadway Musical!
[
talking about Daphne]
Armistead's friend:
I'd let her dump tea in my harbor anytime.
Henry Dashwood:
I think I owe you a rather large apology.
Libby Reynolds:
Do you think I've waited 17 years for an apology?
Daphne Reynolds:
Every year I would wish if that I was good enough you would come and find me.
Clarissa:
I will, absolutely,
[
hangs up phone]
Clarissa:
not.
Henry Dashwood:
You like Co-co Puffs?
Daphne Reynolds:
It's chocolate! Need I say more?
Daphne Reynolds:
I had you down as an all bran man.
Glynnis Payne:
Darling, darling, all I'm saying is before we let this hypothetical daughter blow your political career out of the water, we might at least consider doing some checking up on her.
Henry Dashwood:
Now, checking up for what?
Glynnis Payne:
I don't know... criminal record, blood type, triple sixes on her skull.
Henry Dashwood:
Glynnis, she has a birth certificate, she has my photograph and she has my eyes.
Henry Dashwood:
I'm not explaining this very well, am I?
Daphne Reynolds:
No, not really. But I'm having fun watching you try.
Henry Dashwood:
I hope you find you sleeping arrangements conducive to...
Daphne Reynolds:
Henry, all it takes is sweet dreams.
Daphne Reynolds:
Hey! What are you doing here?
Ian:
You know, just another one of my glamourous jobs.
Daphne Reynolds:
Oh.
Clarissa:
[
after Daphne walks out in fashion show] Holy poo on toast.
Clarissa:
Seems you had a better time in Morocco than you let on.
Clarissa:
[
Sees Daphne fall over the wall] Did you see that?
Glynnis Payne:
What?
Clarissa:
An impossibly large bird falling off that wall.
Glynnis Payne:
Are you hallucinating?
[
Waves her hand in front of her face]
Glynnis Payne:
[
Takes a bite of her eggs] These eggs are positively glacial. When I run this house, senile servants will be the first thing to go.
Clarissa:
You'd have to get around the old bat somehow. She'd never allow it.
Jocelyn Dashwood:
[
Enters the room] Anyone seen my pruning shears? The *old bat* seems to have forgotten where she put them.
Ian:
Looking for me?
Daphne Reynolds:
No, I was just looking for the loo.
Ian:
Outside? On the terrace?
Henry Dashwood:
For me, it's just a stop on the campaign trail, and for Glynnis it's a chance to launch Clarissa on society.
Daphne Reynolds:
Launch her? You make her sound like a ship.
Henry Dashwood:
No, in Clarissa's case it's more like an intercontinental ballistic missile.
Henry Dashwood:
So are you and Daphne...
Ian:
Yeah, we're eloping. I know it's rather sudden but after last night, there was no going back.
Henry Dashwood:
You are joking aren't you?
Ian:
Yes, of course.
Daphne Reynolds:
[
seeing her mother's outfit] Are you actually wearing a bra?
Jocelyn Dashwood:
[
to Daphne] Everybody's rooting for you to fail. That's what makes it fun.
Daphne Reynolds:
[
to Ian] I better go. Everyone's just waiting for me to mess up again.
Daphne Reynolds:
[
after everything has happened] The truth is sometimes things aren't exactly what you always imagined... they're even better!
Peach Orwood:
[
nervous; with her sister, Pear] I'm Peach, she's Pear. You see, our mother was slightly obsessed with fruits. We have a sister named Parsnip... she doesn't get out much.
Henry Dashwood:
Alistair, you've lied to me, I know you lied to Libby, so you'll forgive me if I don't give a flying fart in space what you think!
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