Boat Trip (2002)
Lloyd Faversham: You may think of me as simply a hard-partying old queen, but for *your information* I spent 32 years in the SAS, serving Her Majesty, the *real* Queen. I've been in five different theaters of war, done 490 jumps, 27 of them into hostile territory. I'm what you colonials might call a *bad-assed motherfucker*, who happens to be skilled in the fine art of Japanese flower-arranging!
[having found out they're on a gay cruise, Nick is trying to get himself and Jerry off the ship]
Nick Ragoni: Excuse me, how do I get off really fast?
Man on Deck: Try the Hole in One Room.
Nick Ragoni: [to himself] I'm starting to think that's not a real driving range. In fact, I'm CONVINCED OF IT!
[finding out he was on a gay cruise]
Nick Ragoni: I wonder how many people made the same mistake as I did
Nick Ragoni: NO ONE! SHIT!
Felicia: Be careful with those briefcases, they're worth more than what you make in a year!
Brian: Hey fuck you pal!
Nick Ragoni: Fuck you back!
Brian: Fuck your mother!
Nick Ragoni: Oh yeah no one would wanna fuck my mother cause she's too damn ugly!
[Turns to Jerry]
Nick Ragoni: I just lost it there didn't I.
Jerry Robinson: [while nodding] Ya.
Game Show Host: And how about you, Bachelor #3? What's the most unusual place that *you* ever made love?
Bachelor #3: Inside a woman.
Lloyd Faversham: My name is Faversham. Lloyd Faversham.
Lloyd Faversham: Would you like a bite of my sausage?
Lloyd Faversham: In England, we call them "bangers".
Nick Ragoni: [after seeing the Swedish Bikini Team on board] I must be dreaming. Somebody pinch me.
Man on Deck: Sure, my pleasure.
[pinchs Nick on the butt]
Nick Ragoni: Ow! I didn't say on my ass!
Man on Deck: You didn't *not* say it!
Nick Ragoni: I didn't think I had to specify! Jesus!
[after Nick insults him]
Lloyd Faversham: [flirtatiously] How do you know I love to be humiliated.
Lloyd Faversham: Well then, you must try the Hole in One room.
Jerry Robinson: They have an onboard driving range?
Lloyd Faversham: Some of the men there do swing some very large clubs.
Lloyd Faversham: We must get together sometime. Go for a midnight swim. Do whatever feels right. That is what a gay cruise is all about.
Nick Ragoni: [as realization sinks in] I see. Did you hear that, Jer? Whatever we feel like, we can do it. Because it's a gay cruise, Jer. Not a bi cruse, it's a gay cruise! Capital G, capital A, capital Y-M-C-A gay cruise!
[about his controlling fiancée]
Jerry Robinson: Now the only thing I have to decide for the rest of my life is if I want to be buried or cremated. Nope, I'm being buried next to Felicia... she told me this morning.