Off Centre (2001–2002)
[Chau is trying to organize a protest rally to bring back the recently cancelled T.V. show "The Education of Max Bickford."]
Chau Presley: Check out my sign.
[Holds up a sign that reads "We Don't Need No Education!"]
Chau Presley: We don't need no education. Get it? *"Education"*, "The Education of Max Bickford".
Euan: But it says we don't need it.
Chau Presley: No it says "We *don't* need *no* education". It's a double negative, which means we *do* need it!
Mike Platt: Chau, I'm not sure how to tell you this but, I think your sign's a little retarded!
Chau Presley: Yeah, retarded. Like a fox!
Chau Presley: If you hurt that girl I will kill you, nurse you back to health, and then kill you again!
Chau Presley: Euan, can I crash here tonight? My house is infested with ants.
Euan: Why don't you just spray them?
Chau Presley: I would, but my uncles would get really mad. You know!
Chau Presley: But seriously, I hate them.
Euan: Mike, did you see them? There were boobies out for all to see! Did you see them chau? Boobies!
Mike Platt: I told you, she's Bohemian.
Chau Presley: Dude, why's it got to be about race with you?
[Euan is talking to a doctor to get circumcised]
Dr. Wasserman: Let me ask you, have you given any thought to the kind of cut you would like?
Euan: Well uh, well no.
Dr. Wasserman: Would you like to pick one out from "The Big Book Of Penises"?
Euan: Uh, I suppose...
Dr. Wasserman: Joking! Joking!
Dr. Wasserman: There is no "Big Book Of Penises"! I mean, maybe there is one, but I certainly don't have it!
Mike Platt: No, thanks. I have one.
Euan: Oh, well I figured you might need a "backup". Just in case the other one runs out!
Dr. Wasserman: Ahh, reading about Mel Gibson, I see. He's circumcised.
Euan: Really? It just says here that it rained a lot during the filming of "Braveheart".
Mike Platt: [after Status' dog has farted, Mike is laughing] What? Gas is funny. And dog gas is like seven times as funny!
Euan: Oh my God! I just met Krisie Lee's boyfriend
Chau Presley: Oh... was he a big guy? Oh! But with an ironic nick-name like "Tiny"!
[Mr. Dexter banging on the door, and yells for Euan]
Euan: Oh God, what do I do?...
[looks at Liz]
Euan: Liz! Liz, Be my girlfriend!
Liz Lombardi: What?
Euan: Come on play along! You're fantasy's finally coming true!
[looks at Chau and Mike]
Euan: And you two...
Chau Presley: Uhhh... we're you're GAY friends!
Euan: [opens the door to greet Mr. Dexter] Oh Mr. Dexter! How wonderful to see you! This is my girlfriend Liz, we're in a committed relationship totally monogomas!
Liz Lombardi: Yep I'm his girlfriend!
Euan: Yeah give some sugar baby!
Liz Lombardi: Oh!
[Euan kisses her]
Mike Platt: Hey!
[goes to stop them from kissing... ]
Chau Presley: [pulls Mike back to him... ] Oh don't worry Chau's got some sugar for you too!
Mike Platt: [Mike mortified... pushes Chau away and runs for the door... stops... pauses... looks back at Chau and points at him... ] You just slipped me the toungue...
Chau Presley: [pulls Mike back] Dude they were kissing, so we had to kiss... Great you blew Euans whole scam!
Jordan: Euan's uncircumsized, isn't that gross?
Nathan 'Status Quo': It's certainly gross to talk about it.
Euan: [Mike is trying to change his image] Wait a minute, where are the clothes we bought you? I thought you were changing your image, you look exactly the same.
Mike Platt: [Slightly slurred] I don't think so.
[Sticks out his tongue to reveal a tongue-piercing]
Euan: You pierced your tongue?
Mike Platt: Yeah, no dit Derlock!
Liz Lombardi: Yeah, that reminds me. I've gotta go, I've got a date tonight.
Euan: Hang on, Mike's tongue-ring reminds you that you have a date tonight?
Liz Lombardi: Yeah. *He's* got a stud in his mouth...