According to Jim (TV Series 2001–2009) Poster



Jim: Everyone, circumcise your watches!

Cheryl: [on Jim's behavior] He's brilliant. He's pretending to be a moron to cover up being a jackass.

Jim: You don't even know me any more! I think we should have more sex.

Cheryl: Why?

Jim: Why not?

Jim: Do you want Cheryl to make you a sandwich?

Dana: I don't think that'll help, Jim.

Jim: [pause] Do you want to make *me* a sandwich...?

Gracie: Trophies are stupid and all the others are nerds. It's like being with 50 other Uncle Andys.

Ruby: Daddy, since Gracie won, can Kyle and I have popsicles?

Jim: How does that work?

Ruby: She's our sister, we're part of her posse.

Kyle: I want a sponge bath, from a nurse.

Cheryl: What?

Kyle: Uncle Andy says there the best!

Jim: I think sometimes Andy forgets that Kyle's in the back seat.

Gracie: How do you knock someone up?

Cheryl: Well, you know how you knock someone down. Well, it's the opposite of that.

Gracie: [to Ruby] Hey, let's go knock Kyle up!

Cheryl: Jim, are you listening to yourself?

Jim: Yes I am, Cheryl. I *am* a genius. I can talk and listen to myself at the same time!

Dana: [to Cheryl] You're cake angry. You didn't sound cake angry on the phone.

Dana: [to Cheryl] If your gonna cry for anyone, cry for me. I'm the one who's gonna have to babysit a fourth kid for free one day.

Andy: [telling Jim that he's found the bird they didn't want to find] Jim! B-I-R-D A-T S-I-X O-'-C-L-O-C-K!

Jim: [confused] ... You want to have sex with a clock?

Dana: [trying to distract their mother] Mom, I, uh... I kissed a girl in college!

Andy: Uh... me too!

Maggie: Andy, don't tell stories.

Cheryl: [Cheryl is desperate to talk Jim out of wanting something, and is trying to think of things to replace it] How about... sex with another woman?

Jim: [brief pause] You or me?

Jim: [under his breath] That's the great thing about you, honey... you remember every freakin' thing I say.

Dana: [whilst dancing with Andy] Wow, Andy, it's like someone connected your legs to your brain.

Cheryl: Jim, there's a lot of culture in this city. We should take advantage of it.

Jim: What? I take you to the zoo.

Andy: I once walked in on my grandparents doing it. I mean, Grandpa's in his 70's, but he was really putting Nana through her paces.

Jim: OK, I stacked the cat in the freezer.

Dana: I'm trying my best to stay neutral, like Switzerland

Cheryl: You mean creepy Switzerland that hid nazi money?

Dana: No, I mean fun Switzerland with the watches, and the chocolate

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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