Frank: She's a con man
Frank: That's bad
Rod: Mate, your hair is bad. This, this is exciting.
Frank: I had always wanted to know what those love songs were all about, now I know why they are all sad.
Frank: Maybe she was kidnapped.
Rod: Maybe she just... left. Life's a bitch.
Frank: I know.
Rod: And life has a lot of sisters.
Miranda: Will you go with me?
Miranda: Because you make me want to run in the fields.
Frank: But... why?
Miranda: Because I need you.
Frank: Yeah. But why?
Miranda: Because I love you.
Frank: Maybe I was in love with a woman who didn't exist. It was ridiculous.
Miranda: Wait! I can learn. I can be whatever you want me to be.
Christian: You know it's a myth, don't ya?
Christian: Love... it's just an incentive to propagate the species.
Frank: When we were together, I didn't care if I had ever been told a truth in my life.
Frank: Love is a powerful force. Romeo topped himself... so that Cleopatra... Samson pulled down an entire city to win Delilah. Love conquers everything. And yet, there are times when even love itself is powerless. At those times, I prefer to use a breadboard.
Frank: She's a con man.
Frank: It's bad!
Rod: No, Frank, your hair... is bad. She is exciting. No, no... she's beyond exciting. She's... she's international. Get out there, conquer it.
Frank: I can't.
Rod: Why not?
Frank: I'm a librarian.
Rod: Frank, you're clinging to the past. You haven't even got one. You just... stayed in.
[Frank begins narrating during a montage]
Frank: He was right. That's all I did. I stayed in. Read books. Until I met her. And what had I done? I panicked. I'd thrown it away. In one month with her... I'd been kidnapped... we'd made 5 million quid from a psychopath. I was alive, electrified by raw, painful, horrible, glorious life. I was in love with 2 women. And that was fine... because both of them were her.
[Frank is now talking to Rod while driving]
Frank: That's the thing, I don't just love the girl with the brown eyes who laid beside me by the sea. I love the girl with the blue eyes as well. The one in London.
Rod: What was her name?
Frank: Miranda! That's the point! I love both of them. The good and the bad.
Rod: And the ugly.
Frank: [taking a deep breath] Would you like to go for a drink?
Miranda: No. Why?
Frank: You know, when people say the've seen miracles? Amazing things like, you know, they say they've seen the face of the virgin Mary. But it ain't, it's just a piece of coal or something.
Frank: Well, what's important is, they've witnessed something of such humongously large, religous proportions, that their whole life just - shimmers.
Frank: That's me, that is.
Frank: *You* are my virgin Mary... coal... thing.
Frank: I just wanna sit beside you in a bar. Go on then, say no. I know you're gonna say it.
Miranda: Allright then. One drink, no fuck.
Frank: 2000 people disappear each week. By 2076, There will be no one left. Except me.
Frank: [Narrating] She wore a Mac. Like those old detective movies where the women used to kiss and chew gum at the same time... I loved her. I didn't know anything about her, but I loved her.
Frank: [Miranda's handbag vibrates across the table] Your bag's wobbling. What's in it?
Frank: [Playing his guitar and singing] And it's you, Miranda. Wherever I wander, I'll find her. From New York, to Uganda. Miranda. Got eyes like a Panda. Miranda. If you were a plane, I'd land ya'. Miranda.
Frank: [Narrating... as Miranda lightly strokes neck of his guitar] There she was. In my room. Like she owned it. Everything she touched became rude.
Miranda: I don't want sex.
Frank: I didn't ask... I think people should, um, get to know each other better before they have sex.
Miranda: In what way?
Frank: Well, you know, like, um... 'What's your favorite color?'
[Miranda ponders for a second then starts to snicker]
Frank: What are you thinking about?
Miranda: My dad.
Frank: What's he like?
Miranda: He was, um...
Frank: Really horrible?
Miranda: Yeah... he killed our dog.
Miranda: Because I loved it more than him.
Frank: Never knew my parents.
Frank: [Narrating] I go to the shop for two bars of chocolate, 20 cigarettes, a packet of condoms, and a pint of milk. We have a competition to see which we could finish first. Usually it was the chocolates, followed by the condoms, then the cigarettes. The milk lasted longest. It was long life. I always buy stuff with preservatives in it. Makes you live longer.
Frank: [Narrating] That night she went missing. Didn't know where. She didn't say, and I didn't ask. But wherever she went, it must have been a very sad place. Because... when she came back, a part of her had gone. Forever.
Miranda: [to Nailor, on the phone] You're not worth scraping off a shoe. Are you?
Frank: [Narrating] Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy wakes up, and girl's fucked off in a taxi. She was gone. 2:15, 3:15, 4:15... Even Jesus came back after three days. And he was dead.
Christian: Did she tell you the one about the dog? It wasn't her father who did that. It was me... Pooor Rex.
Nailor: [Meeting Miranda to inspect an old building she's "selling"] Know what I think? I think you're trying to sell me 5 million pounds worth of shit in the hope of a fuck.
Frank: [Narrating] She said she was a dancer. She wasn't. She said she was a brunette. She wasn't. She said, "What you see is what you get." It wasn't. She lied. But so what? When we were together I didn't care if I'd ever been told the truth in my life.
Miranda: When I ran away from my dad's, I lived in New Jersey. And then Christian came along. And he was kind... And funny. He taught me to do these card tricks, that I could do in bars, you know, make myself some money. And it was easy. I wasn't *taking* people's money, they just... they just *gave* it to me. It's like, for the first time, I was really good at something. And then it just grew. We sell people buildings. They don't even exist. It's like whatever we say, just becomes true. If Christian told you it was sunny, you'd believe him. The rain could be coming down so hard your head's bleeding. And there you are, smiling up at the sun. It's amazing.
Frank: [Not impressed] It's a con.
Miranda: [Shrugging] It's what I do. It's who I am.
Frank: [Narrating] So there you go. Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy helps girl make 5 million quid from some pervert. It just didn't feel right.
Miranda: [Nailor has tracked her down] How did you find me?
Nailor: The smell. I can smell you 500 miles away.
Nailor: [Holding a butcher knife] I'm a caesarian. Cut from the belly of a woman. Dragged into this world with all its sharp little edges. I've spent my entire life trying to buy my way back in.
Rod: [Assuming a martial arts stance] Put down the pickle. We come in peace.
Gerry: You have GOT to be joking!
Frank: [Narrating] She wrapped herself around me like a vine. Wild as the sea. And yet so fragile. It could take your breath away...
Frank: [Miranda burps] Literally... In that moment, I loved her with all my heart.
Frank: [Narrating] And there you have it. You've gotta' be careful what you wish for. It might come true.