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The Guru (2002) Poster

(2002)

Quotes

Vijay: Do you know why they call it the American Dream? Because it only happens when you are asleep.

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Vijay: Name one famous Indian in America.

Sanjay: That guy from the Simpsons.

Vijay: He is a cartoon!

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Vijay: [shouting while knockin at the door of his roomates] IMIGRATION!

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Mira: Ramu is on TV!

Mrs. Gupta: What he is talking about?

Nana: Sexual intercourse.

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Hank the Cameraman: [wedding guests are unaware that Hank is a porno cameramen] Pretend that I'm not here.

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Father: Enough of this swapping of spit! Let's celebrate!

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Ramu Gupta: Why are you afraid?

Kitty: What makes you think that I'm afraid?

Ramu Gupta: I feel it.

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Hoseman: Rusty! My heart beats for you.

[everyone else looks around perplexed]

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Sharonna: I'm engaged to a nice, normal guy. Do you know how hard it is to find a nice, normal guy in New York?

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Dwain: Alright, you wanna lose the pants?

Ramu Gupta: Is that part of the movie?

Dwain: Could be.

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Ramu Gupta: Is the Mercedes in the shop or something?

Vijay: Or something.

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Ramu Gupta: [Upon seeing the apartment] You're a real bastard, you know that?

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Vijay: You have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your belly, what more do you want?

Ramu Gupta: I want what you promised.

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Ramu Gupta: You need to do your own thing. Live your own life.

[walks away angrily]

Lexi: I'm going to meditate on that.

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Ramu Gupta: The most powerful sexual organ is your brain. Think about it.

[Faces woman]

Ramu Gupta: Are you thinking?

Turned-on Woman: My whole body is about to think!

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Rasphal the Cook: Is he doing the Macarena?

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Chantal: I give you Swami Bu.

Vijay: Swami, you're on.

[a drunk Swami collapses]

Vijay: Swami Bu has gone to another dimension.

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Chantal: What's wrong? You haven't been up here since the Reagan administration.

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Lexi: You can't just go away.

[shouting]

Lexi: I have abandonment issues!

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Sanjay: [awestruck] I talked to a real live pornstar... and she sounded naked!

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Chantal: Lexi, can I see you in the kitchen?

Lexi: Do you know where it is?

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Lexi: Mother, when you realize that not all people of color were put here to serve you?

Chantal: Lexi, darling, how can say that? I've served food to the homeless. Good food. Food I'd eat myself if I still ate carbs.

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Ramu Gupta: [walks into the apartment, and Sanjay and Vijay are watching a porno with Sharonna in it] What are you watching?

Vijay: [makes a sex motion] M-M-M-M-My Sharonna. Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm.

Ramu Gupta: YOU BASTARDS! TURN IT OFF!

[jumps on Sanjay]

Sanjay: You've never seen Good Will Hunting?

Vijay: We also have Star Wars, Episode 69.

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Sharonna: My pussy is the gateway to my soul.

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Chantal: Edwin, is that you? You haven't been up here since the Reagan administration.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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