Clare Hunter: A spastic is someone with cerebral palsy, not someone who misses an open goal on the football field, Mr Steadman.
Kurt McKenna: [Brian and Kurt attempt to dissuade Simon from going travelling in South America:] Brian, word association: Paris?
Brian Steadman: Croissants.
Kurt McKenna: Spain?
Brian Steadman: Bulls.
Kurt McKenna: South America?
Brian Steadman: Hostage situation.
Kurt McKenna: Do you think J.P shagged her?
Brian Steadman: No, he's gay.
Kurt McKenna: Maybe he's bi-sexual?
Brian Steadman: Lucky bastard!
Kurt McKenna: How's that?
Brian Steadman: Coz you can shag anyone!
Kurt McKenna: Simon, will you please tell Brian that I don't need a lift?
Simon Casey: [noticing smoke from Kurt's bad cooking] What the fuck?
Brian Steadman: Simon, ask Kurt how else is he gonna get to school.
Kurt McKenna: Tell Brian I'm gonna use Simon's bike!
Brian Steadman: Remind Kurt that he broke Simon's bike at the weekend.
Simon Casey: [angry] You broke Simon's bike?
Kurt McKenna: Remind Brian he promised not to tell Simon that I'd broken his bike!
Simon Casey: [to Brian] How did he break my bike?
Kurt McKenna: Kurt's not sure.
Brian Steadman: He dropped it.
Simon Casey: [angry] How can you fucking drop it?
Kurt McKenna: Please thank Brian for putting Kurt in the shit!
Brian Steadman: Tell Kurt that he still hasn't told Brian how he's going to get to school!
Clare Hunter: I never want to see "for being a mong" in the detention book again.
Brian Steadman: This has nothing to do with you being fat, which you're not, you're just healthy... in a large way.