21 March 2001
On his twenty-seventh birthday Simon Casey and fellow teachers Susan,Brian and Kurt get drunk and break into Summerdown Comprehensive where they work,stealing a bust of Shakespeare. Hung over next day after sleeping with policewoman Maggie Simon covers for a pupil whose attempt to tattoo himself goes wrong - for which he is rebuked by acting year head Jenny,whose bottom Brian ogles. Already scared that Jenny knows about his part in the break-in he falls foul of her for calling her lessons boring and is carpeted by Clare,the headmistress. He has also fallen for his father's intended Marcella but it is not reciprocated and he turns to Maggie for consolation.
28 March 2001
Secretly fancying her Simon apologizes to Jenny. He chills out with pupil Arnie sharing a spliff but later Arnie is caught with cannabis on him. Kurt and Brian get into a panic when they realize that they are not prepared for Parents' Evening and bone up at the last minute but it is Simon who ends up in trouble when Jenny tells Arnie's parents about the cannabis. Clare suggests a police officer comes to lecture the school on drug abuse so Simon asks Maggie,who does well,but is not the only one to be surprised that he has not said she is his girl-friend. Susan and Jenny both apply to be Year Head and Susan gets the job but Simon is put out that she wants to celebrate with Jenny and not the lads.
4 April 2001
Simon's father asks Marcella and her annoying little daughter - who pours milk into Simon's brief-case - to stay so Simon feels it best to leave. After a stay with boring science teacher Stephen he moves into Kurt and Brian's untidy bachelor pad but is amazed that they are even lazier than he is,interrupting his efforts at preparing lessons. Maggie is still annoyed with Simon for not acknowledging their relationship so,at Susan's suggestion,he cooks her a romantic meal. This does the trick and affords reconciliation despite their being caught in Brian's bed.
11 April 2001
sex education is now on the curriculum and,after facing down pupils' taunts,Simon advises Cheryl to dump her boyfriend Greg because he refuses to have sex with her. When it transpires that Greg is only abstaining because he has crabs Cheryl goes to see Susan,which lands Simon in trouble again. He also feels inferior because Maggie has had far more dangerous and adventurous sex positions than him though when they go to dinner with Susan and her husband Pete - whose marriage seems to be failing - he turns down Maggie's offer to do it in the bathroom. He does however make up for it back at the flat in Kurt's filthy bedroom - waking up to find Kurt in bed beside them.
18 April 2001
When some of the students lock Jenny and Simon in the stationery cupboard for a prank all of Simon's lust for Jenny finally comes to the fore and,much to his surprise,she does not resist. Fed up with sleeping on the sofa in Kurt and Brian's untidy flat he agrees to move in with Maggie and they have a house-warming party. Simon is apprehensive when Jenny turns up but rather than spill the beans on him she leaves arm in arm with Brian.
25 April 2001
Still on probation and not yet a permanent staff member Simon's attitude to work means he is supervised by Jenny. Susan finds her new responsibilities stressful,especially as her colleagues are unwilling to help share the burden.Then at an open evening where Kurt and shy school secretary Carol share a drink Peter storms in,reminding Susan that she should be at his works dinner. She runs out and,after admonishing Simon for not being supportive,takes time off. Simon impresses Jenny by his admission in class that he should have been more understanding to Susan but still lets Jenny visit her alone. However Susan is soon back at work,having dumped Peter.
2 May 2001
The school is littered with nude photos with staff heads superimposed on the bodies. When Clare asks the teachers to incorporate this into lessons on sex pupil Pauline tells Simon that Bob,his interviewer for a permanent teaching post,ogled her breasts. Neither Jenny nor Susan,now staying with her,will intervene with Bob on Simon's behalf and Bob takes the ultimate confrontation very seriously,threatening to ruin Simon's chances. Fortunately Susan comes to the rescue and,after catching the porn distributor,Simon is in Clare's good books. After seeing another student go into labour now all he has to worry about is being best man at his father's wedding.
9 May 2001
Despite nightmares in which he is nude in front of the interviewing panel Simon's job seems secure. However he gets into a heap of trouble when Liz,the other school secretary and a notorious gossip,erroneously leaves him with the impression that Jenny is jealous of Susan and trying to undermine her. This leads to a showdown at the end of term party with both Maggie and Jenny. However as Simon and Jenny find themselves sharing the same taxi once more their mutual passion comes to the fore and Simon leaves Maggie for her. Meanwhile Carol and Kurt continue to see each other.
13 March 2002
As the new term starts Jenny and Simon face each other awkwardly after their fling. Two newly qualified teachers arrive,French teacher JP looking so young he is mistaken for a pupil and buxom Penny,who attracts Brian's attention. Newly divorced Susan asks JP for a date but he turns out to be gay. Brian has trouble with a girl called Kayla,who turns out to be Liz's daughter but Liz agrees to tell Carol that Kurt no longer wants to go out with her. Carol does not take the news well.
20 March 2002
Unaware of JP's homosexuality Simon develops a jealous dislike of the younger teacher's popularity and,when JP suggests a karaoke evening,gets angry and ends up in the local with Bob. Drink breaks down the barriers between them and Bob confesses to not having had sex for over twenty years. At the karaoke Carol still refuses to believe Kurt has finished with her,singing 'Never Gonna Give You Up' to him. Penny,told of Carol's psychotic tendencies,is not keen to help but Jenny steps in to give Kurt a passionate kiss.
27 March 2002
The school engages educational psychologist Alec,whom Kurt finds helpful. Jenny however finds him more than that as he moves in with her for noisy love-making and nude walks around the flat,which gets on Susan's nerves. With JP also crashing at the bachelor pad Simon is keen to move out and suggests he take a place with Susan. Initially she is enthusiastic but,after Simon goes against Alec's advice and declares his feelings for her she quickly changes her mind.
3 April 2002
JP comes out to his flatmates and the rest of the gang tease Brian over his lack of success with women,alleging that he is probably gay as well. This depresses him so much that eventually he gets revenge by pretending that he and JP are a couple and they want Kurt to move out. Jenny is annoyed that none of the others want to help her organize the Focus on the Future careers week and Simon is dismayed that his class only want safe desk jobs. However after he has convinced Curtis to take a year off to see the world he learns that an angry parent is coming to see him.
10 April 2002
Susan gets more and more frustrated at how the once sensible Jenny is so loved up with Alec she is even missing school with fake illnesses. Other teachers have to cover for her which lands Simon in trouble after Penny has had a bad time with his sixth form group. Susan takes refuge with Kurt and Brian but even there they are disturbed by JP having sex with a one night stand. Later JP confuses his flatmates by bringing an enigmatic,platonic girlfriend back. Susan gets the gang to come to Jenny's to experience what she is going through but Jenny and Alec are not performing and the two women later have a heart to heart,though Susan's dislike of Alec,whom she sees as controlling,does not lead to total reconciliation.
17 April 2002
When the others recognize that Penny is a weak teacher she decides to get Bob on her side by flattering him. Unfortunately he wrongly gets the impression that she fancies him and,to impress her,embarks upon a keep fit regime which lands him in hospital before Brian explains Penny's use of him. She is also in trouble when a pupil accuses her of flirting with him. Clare instigates an Open Surgery for the students to approach staff with their problems though Susan tends to be snowed under whilst JP has no takers and Brian realises that the troublesome Kayla,Liz's daughter,is refusing his counsel.
24 April 2002
Following the pupils' mixed reaction to sex education classes Bev,the girl who - almost - gave birth in class, is invited to give a talk on the dangers of unprotected sex and drawbacks of single parenthood. This has a strange effect on Susan,who feels unexpectedly broody,though she turns down the offers of Kurt,Brian and Simon to father her child. However after meeting the put-upon single mother of problem child Josh she soon goes off the idea. Brian finally gets one over on Kayla whilst Carol finds a kindred soul in plain,goofy lab assistant Errol.
1 May 2002
Jenny feels that she and Alec have got into a rut and gets drunk in order to dump him,after which she points out to the other teachers how boring their daily routine is. Then,when a student in Kurt's I.T. class finds a man with the same name as Kurt on the computer but who has done considerably more with his life, Simon suddenly sees that he is going nowhere in his job and wants an exciting change. So he buys an open-ended ticket to South America,leaving at the end of the week. His class are unimpressed,Clare calls him irresponsible and Susan accuses him of being selfish but still wishes him luck as they have a farewell party for two.
8 May 2002
Now free of Alec Jenny not only has a renewed energy for the job but throws herself into becoming one of the gang,leading a hedonistic life-style and buying drinks all round. With Simon's departure much of his workload has fallen to Penny and Liz takes great delight in her efforts to cope,having always seen her as a manipulator. Try as they may Kurt and Brian are also unable to avoid Clare's request that they help share the load and wonder how JP always manages to get out of it.
15 May 2002
The teachers attend the staff's annual end of term Christmas party where Susan ends up in bed with Brian and Penny with Matt,Simon's replacement,though she is less than thrilled afterwards to learn that he is married with children. Jenny tells Yvonne,Bob's wife,that he is popular with the ladies,which works in his favour - though Yvonne is none too happy and Kurt gets humiliated by Liz over the size of his tackle after they attempt sex. There is consolation for him in the pub afterwards when Carol,having dumped Errol,comes in and they are seen to reconcile.
6 August 2003
Six weeks into the new term Carol is pregnant and Jenny,Susan and JP have all left. New biology teacher Lindsay proves she is one of the lads by beating Brian in a drinking contest but Brian,egged on by Matt and Kurt,suspects Lidsay fancies him and tries to put her off,only to find she is not interested after all. Bob is sleeping in his car after Yvonne has taken up with the satellite TV man but trying to pretend all is normal while Penny and Matt continue their affair. He is wary and anxious to end it,especially as Liz,who has never liked Penny and sees her as a user,appears to suspect.
13 August 2003
Having been dumped by Matt Penny tells Lindsay about the affair and is less than pleased when,for an experiment involving breaking out of cliques,she is required to sit with him. Asking Liz if she can change things leads to a diatribe from the secretary,who in turn gets told off by Clare for swearing at the staff. As a result the lads hold a sweep to see who can get Liz to rail at them first but Liz is keeping very calm. Advised by Lindsay that she is thought of as selfish Penny decides to mend her ways and apologize to everybody she has ever used or offended. Unfortunately she omits Liz from her list,leading to an outburst in the pub.
20 August 2003
Brian discovers that Bob is sleeping in the gym store room but has his own problems when pupils accuse him of having a boring voice. His colleagues persuade him that he is being victimized for being Northern but his attempt to get advice from Liz as a fellow minority group member goes wrong until finally he learns to accentuate his Northernness for effect. Kurt believes that Shelley,a single parent,fancies him and uses this as an excuse to give up smoking when his colleagues tell him he has bad breath. Shelley is only too happy to help him kick the habit but when Kurt reads more into their relationship and believes she wants sex with him he is let down with a bump.
27 August 2003
Bob moves a bed and television into his office but his lack of hygiene is obvious and Matt draws the short straw,literally,as the one who must tell him. However Liz gets drunk with Bob at the Bonfire disco and they embark on a highly sexual affair,during which she cleans him up and gives him some of her husband's clothes. Unfortunately he misreads this as her wanting a permanent relationship when Liz was only using him for sex. Kurt and Brian are persuaded to be unusually sympathetic to him before he,eventually, finds a new home.
3 September 2003
Bob is now happily ensconced with pub landlady Erica but Lindsay is not so happy. Her thirtieth birthday is coming up and when an adoring little pupil gives her flowers because he feels sorry for her and she asks if he likes older women she gets into trouble. She is determined not to have a birthday party but,as Matt's wife Jessica,is also thirty that day the party is at Matt's. Penny's presence unsettles him but he agrees to sex in the bedroom with her,only for her to dump him so he knows how it feels. Ultimately,after Jessica has to see to one of her children,the single teachers are only too pleased to repair to the pub.
10 September 2003
After a record number of staff are off work with stress Clare assigns each teacher a 'stress partner' with whom they can share they worries. The pairing of Lindsay and Matt annoys Penny,who tells Lindsay all about her quickie with Matt at the party. Annoyed after Matt has told her off Penny puts it about that Lindsay is drinking too much and on the verge of a breakdown. Kurt and Brian's considerate response makes Lindsay suspicious and she and Matt decide to pay Penny back by pretending that she really is about to break down,causing Penny to feel guilty and tell the truth.
17 September 2003
After a year's journeying around the world Simon comes to see Kurt and Brian,complete with a full beard,but,due to a flu epidemic which has laid staff low,he is offered work as a temporary teacher,which angers Bob. Bob is not the only one. Brian takes a shine to dinner lady Eileen but,having followed Simon's advice to play hard to get,learns that Simon has had a one night stand with her. Kurt is also displeased when,having been fired up to travel around the world by Simon's example,he learns that Simon never left the country.
24 September 2003
When Bob is rushed to hospital for emergency surgery Matt reluctantly steps in as head of English and immediately finds his loyalties torn between being one of the boys and an authority figure. When he decides to take an efficient,no-nonsense approach he falls foul of both Penny and Simon,who did far less work under Bob's regime but Simon gets no sympathy since his leaving opened the door to Matt's appointment.. Everybody then is pleased when Bob returns to work though Matt is unnerved when Bob tells him about the alienating effect of promotion. A weapons amnesty at the school has a strange effect on Carol and Kurt.
1 October 2003
Christmas is coming but Clare has banned any celebrations so as not to be seen promoting Christianity. Instead she has brought in a swear box,which gets its money's worth from Bob. When the bank sends a card to Kurt and Briony the other teachers comment that Brian and Kurt are like a married couple so Kurt attempts to distance himself and find a new best friend though he still ends up with Brian. Simon is leaving for a permanent post at another school but has lost his class's homework. At an impromptu leaving party held by Bob in the pub for the teachers Simon finds it again but it's too late so the papers go cascading around Bristol.
8 October 2003
Following complaints from parents Lindsay gets a written warning and determines to transfer herself into a model teacher. Carol brings her baby to school,though she keeps leaving it behind in different places. Kurt is relieved when the father turns out to be Maths teacher Mr. Chong. In Clare's absence Bob and Liz vie for the position of power and Bob just about wins,gaining Lindsay's respect. However his new emotional approach to teaching,reading erotic poetry to his class and embracing a male student lands him in trouble.
15 October 2003
Brian is still chasing after dinner lady Eileen and gets his chance to be in her good books after Bob complains about the canteen food and he sticks up for her. She agrees to go on a date with him which convinces him that he has found himself a long term relationship at last. Sadly this is not to be as Eileen is not really into 'needy' men but what makes it all the harder to take for Brian is that he never had sex with her even when it was offered to him.
22 October 2003
When Kurt injures himself in a race with Brian Brian puts him in the recovery position whilst the ambulance arrives. But the next time Brian sees Kurt he is in a wheelchair,accusing his flatmate of twisting his spine. Kurt becomes dependent on others,except the selfish Matt who opts out,but,after he has been given a supposedly cushy job as a special education needs coordinator,which he finds trickier than expected,and done badly in the wheelchair race on sports day,he is not entirely unhappy when Brian twigs that he has been exaggerating his disability.Certainly happier than,with the others,having to attend Bob's birthday party.
29 October 2003
After a few drinks too many Lindsay and Matt start kissing. Next day they apologize and try to avoid each other though they find it difficult and end up locking lips again. Penny also has a new romance with young teacher Patrick but gives him up as he is too much like Kurt. Even Clare is feeling frisky and has a night of passion with Bob after he mends the light in her porch. Only Kurt and Brian are left out but,having learnt that the pupils of the eyes dilate when facing the person one finds attractive and trying out on female staff,they find that it only works when they look at each other,fuelling the general supposition that they are a gay couple.
26 October 2004
On the eve of the new term Bob,Penny and Lindsay visit the graves of Kurt and Brian,killed in a road accident with Matt. Summerdown has now merged with another school. Clare is still the head but has become more of a hard liner,especially towards Bob,who now sports a toupee and boasts about his Thai mail order bride. Bob resents the new head of English,Ewan,who is young,handsome and very pleasant and tries every trick he can to get him sacked but when everything goes wrong Ewan graciously saves Bob from getting the chop. Lindsay and Penny find the aloof Damien and his hypochondriac satellite Dan unfriendly but eventually Lindsay and Dan bond in the toilet over ailments and Bob and Damien are united in their cynicism,everybody ending up in the pub just like old times.
2 November 2004
Bob's bid for his Thai bride is rejected due to his age so Lindsay helps him find another one,forty-eight year old Ping. Ben has to usher a quartet of elderly care home residents around the school for Age Awareness Day and finds that he envies their life-style but feels betrayed when having tried to befriend one of them, finds he has been given a false phone number. After Ewan gives her a lift home Penny makes a humiliating pass at him,which he rejects and soon is common knowledge amongst the staff. In the library she meets a handsome and charming young librarian,Anthony Millington,and they go on a date. In fact he is not a teacher as she supposed but an eighteen year old pupil who is refused service in the pub.
9 November 2004
Clare instigates Gay and Lesbian Awareness Week and brings in counsellor Sarah,whom Ben fancies but she turns out to be gay and tells Lindsay she would make an excellent Lesbian. Clare's interest in Lesbian sex causes Sarah to wonder if she may also be gay and Liz worries that Kayla is gay as she has never had a boyfriend though Kayla ends up surprising her mother. Ewan panics when pupil John Simon develops a crush on him and nobody is any help at advising him how to cope with it. Eventually John,dressed as Freddie Mercury,turns on Ewan for his lack of interest and humiliates him in the playground.
16 November 2004
To mark National Obesity Week Clare 'volunteers' a reluctant Lindsay to lose weight but Lindsay is not keen. Having been publicly humiliated when she gets stuck in a serving hatch she agrees to a sponsored slim,along with Liz and Bob - though the effect of his vasectomy rules him out. However since Lindsay was never weighed at the start of the week a little chicanery is needed by the others to help her,though it does leave her having to pay the bar tab. Anthony dumps Penny as he feels his school work is more important.
23 November 2004
As Clare announces Religious Tolerance Week when each teacher must choose a religion to champion Ben worries about his inner peace and,in order to find it,tries the Internet,reincarnation and Lindsay punching him before he is satisfied. Bob meets Ping,his mail order bride, and brings her to school,where the others find her underwhelming. Bob is annoyed that she refuses him sex and asks Ewan to give her a pep talk but,as she speaks no English,Ewan's sign language is misunderstood and he ends up - almost - being caught with his pants down by Bob,due to Ping's enthusiastic response. Penny gives Anthony a hard time for dumping her.
30 November 2004
Penny's real surname is discovered to be Eichmann and,when she has trouble filling in an objective form for Racial Awareness Week and students complain about her treating blacks and whites differently she is considered a racist. The more she tries to atone for it the worse she makes it until finally she believes that she is in a minority group as a blonde. Bob boasts that he and Ping have a great sex life but eventually he has to confess to Lindsay that it is non-existent,though he is cheered when she suggests that Ping is saving herself for the wedding night.
7 December 2004
With Bob briefly off school over a misunderstanding about him kerb crawling supply teacher Anna steps into the breach. Despite his previous protestations that he has no need for a girlfriend Damien agrees to a date with her but,following an incident in which he saw a pupil get intimate with an icing bag,he finds he is impotent and has to put off Anna's invitation to go home. By the time his potency has returned he is back to feeling that once more he has no need for a girlfriend. Liz,however,gets Anthony to confess to his fling with Penny,which the teacher has been denying.
14 December 2004
Bob is planning a stag weekend in Dublin but nobody wants to attend. Ben's excuse is that ten years earlier a ouija board told him he would die on the upcoming Friday. Nobody is sympathetic. When a disabled boy is apparently miraculously cured Ben believes that there is an after-life but,unsure as to what religion claims it,goes through a variety of faiths. Come Friday he is still alive though Damien comes a cropper and only Mr Chong joins Bob for the stag weekend. Liz continues to hold the affair with Anthony over Penny.
21 December 2004
In the wake of an end of term Christmas party that has left the staff hung over an Ofsted inspection is not exactly welcome. Usually Clare flirts with the inspector but this year he has been replaced by a severe Scots lady. All goes well until she discovers that all the disruptive pupils have been locked in a Portakabin,after which it is down to Ewan to charm her into giving the school a good report and saving everybody's jobs. Bob,however,about to marry Ping in a lavish ceremony in the playground,has little reason to thank Ewan after learning of his afternoon delight with Ping and gets drunk,having to be talked down from the roof by Lindsay. The wedding goes ahead with Ben as a reluctant best man but,as Bob prepares for the honeymoon,Ping dumps him,explaining she only married him to get a visa. There is better news for Penny since,now Anthony has left school,they can be a legitimate couple.
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