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Joe Somebody (2001) Poster

(2001)

Quotes

[after getting hit by trainer]

Joe: Do people ever come back here?

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Meg Harper: You're having a panic attack, do you know what that means?

Joe: It sounds pretty self-explanatory.

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Joe: You talkin' to me?

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Joe Scheffer: Did you have fun?

Natalie Scheffer: Weekend from hell. They took me to another silly-ass hippie restaurant. With thee most absurd one-man play ever produced!

Joe Scheffer: "Silly-ass"?

Natalie Scheffer: Dad...

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Natalie Scheffer: [on the phone with Joe] Dad, just tell me something. Is it you don't wanna see me. Or is it you don't want me to see you?

Joe: Yes... Yes to the second one.

Natalie Scheffer: [crying] DAD, just please let me come over. Just for a little while...

Joe: It's okay. Everything's all right. I'm just sittin' here drowning my sorrows in a - a quart of Ben and Jerrys Chunky Monkey.

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Chuck: Too bad. I was really hoping to give a shit.

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Joe: Can you show me some of that Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger stuff?

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Natalie Scheffer: Everything on the menu was made with curd. Curd this, curd that. I MEAN, I ordered a hamburger and I got a ten-minute lecture on animal rights from the waitress. AND the guy in the play was half naked!

Joe: WHAT? Which half?

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Joe: You become a farmer?

Rick: No, Joe, I'm an actor dressed as a farmer... for an audition.

Joe: Sorry.

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Callie: We had a great weekend. Did she tell you about the play?

Joe: Yeah. The actors were naked.

Natalie Scheffer: So were the ushers.

Callie: They were not!

Joe: Callie, Beauty and The Beast is in town. Whats matter with that?

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Natalie Scheffer: [gets out of the car after Joe gets punched by Mark] LEAVE HIM ALONE, DIRTBAG!

Joe: Don't call anybody a dirtbag.

Natalie Scheffer: Daddy, are you okay? You're bleeding.

Joe: I'm good. I just tripped! I'm okay. Let's go...

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Natalie Scheffer: Why do I have to spend weekends with them? Can't we just drive by every Saturday and wave?

Joe Scheffer: Your mom's a little eccentric. Think of her as an exotic flower.

Natalie Scheffer: And that made you what? Dirt?

Joe Scheffer: NAT, she's your mom.

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Natalie Scheffer: HEY, that guy is an ass-wipe!

Joe: NATALIE...

Natalie Scheffer: Sorry, I meant "ass-guy".

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Joe: That's Mark McKinney! He's a seven-year employee. W-what's he doing in the ten-year lot?

Natalie Scheffer: Maybe he's gonna stand around for another three years.

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Joe: We gotta get you back to school.

Natalie Scheffer: DAD, I really wanna talk about this!

Natalie Scheffer: You know that big jerk took it easy on you, right? What makes you think he won't kill you this time? HUH? DAD!

Joe: You made your point!

Natalie Scheffer: GOOD.

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Natalie Scheffer: [watching Joe practice fighting] OH, my god.

[turns off radio]

Natalie Scheffer: WHAT ARE YOU, like 12? The guy's gonna hit you back. He's got ARMS!

Joe: What are you doing here? Don't you have school?

Natalie Scheffer: I needed to see you.

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Joe Scheffer: I'm looking for Meg Harper, apartment 508.

Old Man: Oh, she's up on the roof.

Joe Scheffer: Are you sure?

Old Man: Son, I'm a 82-year-old man, and she's a 31 year old woman. Trust me. I know where she is.

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Joe: [Looking in the mirror] What do you want?

[vomits]

Joe: *Now* what do you want?

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Chuck: Hey, let me give you a free lesson, all right? My way of saying, 'Don't press charges'.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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