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Garfield in Disguise (TV Short 1985) Poster

(1985 TV Short)

Quotes

[Lightning flashes when Garfield and Odie first see an old house]

Garfield: Nice touch!

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Binky the Clown: [after Garfield realizes he's doing the jumping jacks and starts looking for his remote control] Put it in gear, you losers! You don't wanna be *lazy*, do ya? You gotta get into good shape for tonight, kids, because this is the night you can get a lot of - candyyyyyy!

Garfield: [having found his remote and aiming it at the TV] Take that, Binky!

[turns TV off with remote]

Garfield: Ah-ha!

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Binky the Clown: HEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYY, KIIIIIIIIIIIIIDS!

[Garfield jumps out of bed after a deep sleep]

Binky the Clown: Get your lazy bottoms out of bed and do jumping jacks with Binky the Clowwwwwwn!

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Garfield: So the pirate ghosts got the treasure, and we got the candy, candy, candy, candy!

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Binky the Clown: Remember, kids: if you don't exercise with Binky, you're gonna to grow up to be worthleeeess!

Garfield: I hate you, Binky! Where's my remote control?

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Jon Arbuckle: That's not funny, Garfield.

Garfield: Then how about this?

[Makes a funny face]

Jon Arbuckle: Now that's funny.

[laughs, then sighs]

Jon Arbuckle: Why can't I stay angry with you, Garfield?

Garfield: Because I'm a cat.

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Jon Arbuckle: You're probably wondering what I'm doing with this pumpkin on my head.

Garfield: Wha-hoo! There's a pumpkin on your head? I hadn't noticed.

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Garfield: Odie's so stupid he'd have to stand on a chair to raise his I.Q. He's ugly, too. It would take two of him to get any uglier. He's so ugly, he wouldn't have to wear a mask to go trick or treating on Halloween.

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Garfield: Arrr, it do be a land-lubber who be shovin' lasagna in his face. I declare this booty property of the queen.

[He takes his wooden sword and impales Jon's lasagna, and then eats it]

Jon Arbuckle: Hey! Who do you think you are?

Garfield: Arrr, I be Orange Beard the Pirate Cap'n, an' this be me first mate, Odie the Stupid.

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Jon Arbuckle: You guys look ridiculous.

Garfield: Arr, I've killed men fer sayin' less than that, but I'll letcha live, seein' as how yer the only man who'll change me kitty litter.

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Garfield: Observe carefully, Odie. I'll teach you some of the finer points of trick-or-treating.

[Taps the door a few times with his wooden sword and a woman answers]

Garfield: Gimme!

Woman at Door: Oh, how cute! Here you go, kids.

[Throws a couple pieces of candy into their sacks]

Garfield: Me thinks yer be a mighty stingy with yer candy, Miss! If ye don't reconsider your contribution, I'll give yer living room drapes a taste of me broadsword.

[She throws much more candy into their sacks]

Garfield: Thank you. A thousand blessin's upon yer home, ma'am.

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Garfield: Hey, Odie, old buddy, you know what Halloween night is?

[Odie shakes his head side-to-side]

Garfield: Yeah, well, take that stupid pumpkin off your head and I'll tell ya!

[Odie kicks the pumpkin off his head]

Garfield: Better. That's a night when dogs have to help cats go out and get candy.

[Odie looks puzzled]

Garfield: That's right, and if the dog does a good job, he gets a *whole* piece of candy of his verrry own!

[Odie excitedly begins to jump up and down]

Garfield: Well, do you wanna go, boy? Huh? Huh? Wanna go out and get candy, huh? Huh, boy? Wanna go? Huh? Huh? Huh?

[Odie gets worked up into a frenzy]

Garfield: Okay! Let's go to the attic and find some costumes for tonight!

[Odie zooms off to the attic. Garfield then turns to the camra]

Garfield: You know, just between you and me, there are times when I love that dog.

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Old Man: What I am about to tell you has never been told to another living soul.

[we hear two claps of thunder]

Garfield: Catchy beginning.

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[it is early morning and Garfield is still asleep in his box-like bed. A logo appears on his nearby television. First lines]

TV Announcer: Good morning, viewers. Welcome to another broadcast day at WBOR, the easy-viewing, easy-listening station. We begin our broadcast with "The Binky the Clown Show." Have a nice day.

[Binky appears on the screen]

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Garfield: Okay, Odie. here's the plan: I'll kick the door open, you jump in and secure the place. Are you ready?

[Odie barks]

Garfield: [Garfield unsucessfully kicks the door and fails to open it that way]

Garfield: Ow!

Garfield: [grabs his foot and jumps up and down] Tell you what, let's quietly slip in.

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Garfield: [examining a bowl full of pumpkin seeds] Hmm. This stuff appears to be a bit of lasagne persuasion.

[He grabs a handful of the seeds and stuffs them in his mouth]

Jon Arbuckle: Since when did you like pumpkin innards?

Garfield: [gags; spits seeds out] PTOOEY! Since never! Blecch.

[drops the bowl of innards, and we hear it break]

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Jon Arbuckle: What's with the blanket? You practicing for Halloween?

Garfield: Practicing? Practicing? Ha! I'll have you know Halloween's my middle name. Gar-Halloween-field. Oh, well.

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Old Man: [to Garfield and Odie] This island has a secret: a deep, dark secret that is held for a hundred years. One hundred years ago tonight, a ruthless band of pirates held up in this very house. They had looted many ships and were pursued by government troops. They were so heavily laden with their ill-gotten gains they had to bury the treasure before making their escape. However, before they left this island on that stormy night, they signed a contract written in blood. They vowed to return for the treasure one hundred years from Halloween night at the stroke of midnight, even if it meant returning from the grave.

[we hear a clap of thunder as Garfield apprehensively notices the grandfather clock as it reads 11:55, then another clap of thunder sounds]

Garfield: [dismissive] Do you believe that?

Old Man: Belieeeeeeve it, my friends! The pirates had a ten-year-old cabin boy. I was that boy. I was there. I never took the treasure because they would have found me. There's no escaping them! They know we're here! They know WHO WE ARE!

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[Garfield sneaks up on Jon, who is holding a pumpkin and removing its innards to carve it into a jack-o-lantern]

Garfield: Boo!

Jon Arbuckle: [throwing the pumpkin up in the air, startled] Wha-a-a!

[the pumpkin falls down on his head]

Garfield: Gotcha!

Jon Arbuckle: [sounding cross] That's not funny, Garfield.

Garfield: Then how about this?

[He makes funny faces at Jon]

Jon Arbuckle: [laughing] Now that's funny, Garfield.

[he sighs]

Jon Arbuckle: Why can't I stay angry with you, Garfield?

Garfield: 'Cause I'm a cat.

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Garfield: Some pirate captain I am. I can't even get a rowboat across the river. Now I'll probably float out to sea and never be heard from again. If I ever get back to land, I'm gonna give up this pirate business. I'm gonna stop pretending I'm something I'm not. I'm just gonna be me: Garfield the house cat. Gourmet. Bon vivant. World traveler. Jet-setting playboy.

[Odie taps him on the shoulder, trying to get his attention]

Garfield: Leave me alone, Odie. I'm busy wallowing in self pity.

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[Garfield and Odie are in a rowboat, floating downriver]

Garfield: [to Odie] It appears we're caught up in the current, matey. Put out the oars.

[Odie knocks the oars off the boat]

Garfield: Hmm. I'd make him walk the plank if I had one.

[to Odie]

Garfield: We be at the mercy of the sea, matey. Topside! Topside, batten the hatches! Trim the mains, slip the sheets, flibber the giblets! I WANT MY MOMMY!

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[Binky is on TV, mentioning getting into shape for candy, but Garfield turns the TV off]

Garfield: Wait a minute. Did he say we could get a lot of candy tonight?

[frantically flips through various channels on the TV to turn Binky back on]

Garfield: Binky! Binky, come back! Where are you, Binky, old buddy?

[finally finds the channel Binky is on]

Binky the Clown: That's right, kids! Tonight *is* Halloween night, and we wanna be in great shape to trick-or-treat for all that candy, don't weeeeee?

Garfield: [happily] Yes, we dooooo!

[switches the TV off again]

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Garfield: Halloween is my kind of a holiday. Not like those other stupid holidays. I don't get pine needles in my paws. There's no dumb bunnies, no fireworks, no relatives, just candy. Boom, you go out, you get candy. It's as simple as that.

[sighs]

Garfield: Simple... That's me.

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[repeated line]

Garfield: [rapidly] Candy, candy, candy, candy, candy...!

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Garfield: [looking into a chest, searching for costumes] Eureka! The mother lode! Look at all this great stuff, Odie! With these costumes, we can be - anything we want!

Odie: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

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Garfield: The old man was right, Odie. This was the worst night of my life. I've had nightmares that looked like birthday parties compared to tonight.

[Odie points to their boat, with their candy still in it]

Garfield: Well, looky here! It do be me candy! Arrr... I guess this story do have a happy ending after all, matey. Let's be shovin' off for home now.

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[last lines]

Garfield: What a night. Boy, am I wired. I think I'll see what's on TV.

[he turns on the TV, revealing what looks like the old man from earlier, wearing a pirate hat just like Garfield's]

Old Man: Good evening, and welcome to our all-night pirate movie festival.

Garfield: [quickly turns TV off] Boy, am I *tired*!

[Garfield settles down into his bed to sleep, holding his teddy bear, Pooky]

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Jon Arbuckle: [to Garfield] I was carving a jack o'lantern until you arrived. What do you think?

Garfield: It's you.

Jon Arbuckle: [pushing the jack o'lantern off his head, then it lands on Odie's] Well, this one's ruined.

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Garfield: [surprised by the old man stealing the boat, with his and Odie's candy still in it] Rats, there goes my boat!

[Odie pouts]

Garfield: Rats, there goes my candy!

[Odie whimpers]

Garfield: My boat's gone, my candy's gone, the dead pirates are coming any minute, it's past my bedtime, and I wanna go home.

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Garfield: [he and Odie enter the attic] There should be some great Halloween costumes up here somewhere, Odie. Jon has never thrown anything away.

[they walk up to a trunk; Garfield blows off the dust on it and coughs from the dust, then opens the lid and tosses various items out]

Garfield: Here's Jon's first bow-tie... Tacky... some sunglasses, Cousin Wanda's wig, Aunt Orpha's false teeth... Yuck!... roots, strings, sealing wax and all that funny stuff. Well, I guess there's nothing here.

[turns and sees Odie with the various items on him; Garfield yelps]

Garfield: Very funny, Odie. Come on, let's keep looking.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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