Sorority Boys (2002)
[Jimmy trying to leave]
Adam: Hey, hey. Hey, who's your true bro? Huh? Who told you about skanks? It was me, right?
Patty: [through clenched teeth] : Let's try Patty up the middle, ONE MORE TIME.
Adam: [disguised as a woman] Look at me! I'm ugly! I would never fuck me!
Leah: Would you like to share something personal with the crew? Robert... Uh... Ro-berta.
Roberta: Well, uh, my name is Roberta, and... I'm addicted to porn and I masturbate constantly.
[silence - the sorority sisters stare at him]
Roberta: Pillow fight! Pillow fight!
Adam: We've been framed.
Jimmy: Spence told me you'd say that.
Adam: Spence is a lying prick with his ass hairs caught in a twist!
Jimmy: He told me you'd say that too!
Spence: You two "Fraternity Brothers" think that because you're next in line, you run the house. WRONG! I am the President!
Adam: Hey Dave?
Dave: What's that Adam?
Adam: I think our President needs to get laid!
Spence: Fuck you!
Adam: I look like shit!
Dave: No you don't.
Adam: Yes I do... I look like shit!
Dave: No... you don't!
Adam: That's easy for you to say, you're actually pretty!
Dave: Oh thanks, you know I just put this together...
[Adam gives him a strange look]
Leah: I can guarantee you, that guy is a wham bam thank you ma'am!
Daisy: No, no I heard he's a "hello. How are you? You seem like a person I'd like to get to know. Can I take you out to dinner... Sometime, ma'am."
Doofer: After we get that mustache, maybe we can do those armpits. and then... we can do your knuckles. And your back, Your legs... your ass.
Adina: MOTHER'S ASS! Why you let them treat you like this? You can't be a bunch of PUSSIES your whole lives!... I HATE this place.
Katie: Whoa! P-M-S!
[looking for a dress on clothes rack]
Adam: Hmm... I'm sure this would look good... on an anorexic!
Doofer: [while contemplating how to get back the money stolen from the house safe] Though I hardly think this is the appropriate time to ask, but what about the tape?
Adam: [sighs] What tape?
Doofer: The tape of Adam humpin' the Tri Pis, man.
[Adam looks up in surprise]
Dave: [turns around] Doofer, what are you saying?
Doofer: [cuts to a flashback, Doofer narrates. Doofer stumbles into his room, drunk] I had just gotten done studying for some school when I notice that Adam's speaker was tipped over
[trips over Adam's speaker in his drunken haze]
Doofer: Inside of it was a video camera rigged with a motion detector. I carefully traced back the source to a footlocker at the bottom of Adam's closet, which was... you know, already unlocked
[Doofer tries to pick and hammer the lock open, but finally succeeds in blowing it off with a revolver]
Doofer: . Inside the footlocker was a video cassette recorder. But naturally, since it was his private property, I didn't touch anything
[Doofer hits play on the VCR, which starts up a home video of Adam having sex with a Tri Pi]
Doofer: . You could see the safe right next to his bed!
Adam: [enraged] You were watching my tape?
Doofer: [under his breath] ... Noooooooo
[cuts to Doofer eating popcorn and "cleaning up" with tissue]
Adina: [noticing a sticky substance on the seat of his skirt] Ah. That's weird.
"Roberta": What the hell is on your skirt, man?
Adina: Uh... gum, or something.
"Roberta": Oh yeah, what flavor was it? Big fat juicy cock?
Adam: [to Robert, who is eating a grapefruit] Hey! You're eating my bosom!