Lilo & Stitch (2002)
Hula Teacher: Lilo, why are you all wet?
Lilo: It's sandwich day. Every Thursday I take Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich...
Hula Teacher: "Pudge" is a fish?
Lilo: And today we were out of peanut butter. So I asked my sister what to give him, and she said 'a tuna sandwich'. I can't give Pudge tuna!
Lilo: Do you know what tuna *is*?
Hula Teacher: Fish?
Lilo: [hysterical] It's fish! If I give Pudge tuna, I'd be an abomination! I'm late because I had to go to the store and get peanut butter 'cause all we have is... is... stinkin' tuna!
Hula Teacher: Lilo, Lilo, why is this so important?
Lilo: [calmly] Pudge controls the weather.
[Stitch is running away]
Lilo: "'Ohana" means "family." "Family" means "no one gets left behind." But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you though.
[looking at her picture of her dead parents]
Lilo: I remember everyone that leaves.
Grand Councilwoman: [the Grand Councilwoman is yelling at Jumba] YOU! You're the cause of all this! If it hadn't been for your Experiment 626, none of this...
Stitch: [interrupting] Stitch!
Grand Councilwoman: What?
Stitch: My name, Stitch.
Grand Councilwoman: [Dismissive] Stitch then. If it wasn't for Stitch...
[turns to look at Stitch, surprised]
Stitch: Does Stitch have to go in the ship?
Grand Councilwoman: Yes...
Stitch: Can Stitch say goodbye?
Grand Councilwoman: Yes.
Stitch: Thank you.
Grand Councilwoman: [to Nani and Lilo] Who are you?
Stitch: This is my family. I found it, all on my own. Is little, and broken, but still good. Ya. Still good.
Lilo: You know, you wreck everything you touch. Why not try and make something for a change?
[Stitch builds a city out of what he finds in Lilos room]
Lilo: Wow. San Francisco.
[Stitch begins to destroy the city like the monster in "Earth vs. the Spider", picking up a toy car]
Stitch: [as car passengers] "Eeeeeek! Save me!"
Lilo: No more caffeine for you.
Lilo: Did you lose your job because of Stitch and me?
Nani: Nah. The manager's a vampire. He wanted me to join his legion of the undead.
Lilo: I knew it!
Lilo: I'm sorry I bit you... and pulled your hair... and punched you in the face...
Lilo: [Sitting at a table with Stitch] David! I got a new dog!
David: Auwe... You sure it's a dog?
Lilo: Uh huh... He used to be a collie before he got ran over.
[Stitch and Jumba are tossing a jammed up gun back and forth]
Stitch: Merry Christmas.
Jumba: It's not Christmas.
Stitch: Happy Channukah!
Jumba: It's not Channukah!
[Pleakley scoops up Lilo and carries her away from the house]
Lilo: We're leaving Stitch?
Pleakley: Trust me, this is not gonna end well!
Jumba: One potato!
Stitch: Two potato!
Jumba: Three potato!
Jumba: Five potato!
Stitch: Six potato!
Jumba: Seven potato more!
Jumba: Ha! I win!
[gun explodes in his hands]
Lilo: [Nani is taking Stitch outside] He was an orphan and we adopted him! What about "ohana"?
Nani: He hasn't been here that long!
Lilo: Neither have I. Dad said "ohana" means family.
Lilo: "Ohana" means family. Family means...
Nani: ...or forgotten. I know, I know. I hate it when you use "ohana" against me.
Nani: You are so finished when I get in there! I'm gonna stuff you in the blender, push "puree," then bake you into a pie and feed it to the social worker! And when he says, "Mmmm, this is great, what's your secret?" I'm gonna say...
[Mr. Bubbles hooks his foot around hers and pulls her away from the dog-door]
Nani: ...Love... and... nurturing...
Stitch: [looking at Lilo's storybook. the picture says 'I'm lost!'] L-lo-lost... I'm lost.
Lilo: A falling star... I call it! Get out, get out! I have to make a wish!
[Pushes Nani out of her room]
Lilo: Can't you go any faster?
Nani: Oh no! Gravity is increasing on me!
[Nani begins to fall on Lilo]
Lilo: No, it's not!
Nani: Is too, Lilo, the same thing happened yesterday!
Lilo: You rotten sister, your butt is crushing me! Why do you act so weird?
Lilo: Hey! Three days ago, I bought Stitch at the shelter. I paid two dollars for him. See this stamp? I own him. If you take him, you're stealing.
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Aliens are all about rules.
Grand Councilwoman: You look familiar.
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: CIA. Roswell. 1973.
Grand Councilwoman: Ah, yes. You had hair then.
Pleakley: [Nani sees Pleakley and Jumba arrest Stitch] Don't interact with her.
[They turn their backs on Nani]
Nani: Where's Lilo?
[Pleakley hits Jumba]
Nani: Lilo. My sister.
Jumba: Uh... sorry, we do not know anyone by this, uh...
Nani: Lilo! She's a little girl this big, she has black hair and brown eyes and she hangs around with that THING!
Jumba: [sighs] We know her.
Nani: Bring... her... back.
Pleakley: Oh, we can't do that. Uh-uh. That would be misuse of galactic resources.
Jumba: See, problem is, we're just here for him.
Nani: So she's gone?
Pleakley: Look at the bright side. You won't have to yell at anyone anymore.
Lilo: We're a broken family, aren't we?
Nani: No... Maybe, a little. Maybe a lot. I shouldn't have yelled at you.
Lilo: We're sisters. It's our job.
Nani: Yeah, well, from now on...
Lilo: I like you better as a sister than a mom.
Lilo: [on the verge of tears ] And you like me better as a sister than a rabbit, right?
Jumba: Yes, yes, that's it, come quietly.
Stitch: W-... waiting.
Jumba: For what?
Jumba: Ah. You don't have one. I made you.
Stitch: Maybe... I could...
Jumba: You are built to destroy. You can never belong.
Nani: We need something that can defend itself. Something that won't die. Something... sturdy... you know?
Lilo: Like a lobster!
Nani: Lilo, Lilolo! Do we have a lobster door? No! We have a dog door! We are getting a dog!
Jumba: Come on, what's the big deal?
Stitch: [in alien language] Oongatish mista!
Jumba: I'll put you back together again... I'll make you taller, and not so fluffy!
[whips plates at Stitch, frisbee style]
Stitch: I like fluffy!
[after there is a ring of holes around Stitch]
Stitch: [in alien language] Ah, Pooama Chicky!
Jumba: Ach! Leave my mother out of this!
Grand Councilwoman: Experiment 626. Give us a sign you understand any of this. Show us that there is something inside you that is good.
[Stitch clears his throat; the council members listen in anticipation]
Stitch: Meega, nala kwishta!
[the entire council gasps in horror]
Grand Councilwoman: [horrified] So... naughty!
[Stitch laughs maniacally]
Jumba: I didn't teach him that!
Lilo: [explaining the death of her parents to Stitch] It was raining, and they went for a drive. What happened to yours? I hear you cry at night. Do you dream about them? I know that's why you wreck things, and push me.
Pleakley: Oh great! He's loose!
Jumba: His destructive programming is taking effect. He will be irresistibly drawn to large cities, where he will back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe.
Nani: Lilo! There you are, honey face! This is Mr..."Bubbles".
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Nice to meet you.
Lilo: Your knuckles say "cobra"..."Cobra Bubbles"... you don't *look* like a social worker.
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: I'm a special classification.
Lilo: Did you ever kill anyone?
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: We're getting off the subject. Let's talk about you. Are you... happy?
Lilo: I'm adjusted.
[Repeats what Nani is signing to her behind Bubbles' back]
Lilo: I eat all four food groups, and look both ways before crossing the street... and take long naps...
[Nani pumps her fist in triumph]
Lilo: and get disciplined?
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Disciplined?
Lilo: Yeah! She disciplines me real good.
[Nani holds out here hand in "stop" gesture]
Lilo: Sometimes five times a day! With bricks!
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Bricks?
Lilo: Uh huh... in a pillow case...
Nani: Okay, that's enough sugar for you! Why don't you run along now, you little cutie. The other social workers just thought she was a scream. Thirsty?
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Let me illuminate to you the precarious situation in which you have found yourself. I am the one they call when things go wrong, and things have indeed gone wrong.
Lilo: [praying] It's me again. I need someone to be my friend. Someone who won't run away. Maybe send me an angel! The nicest angel you have.
Lilo: [Stitch is tearing one of her paintings] No, that's from my blue period!
Nani: Oh, you are such a pain.
Lilo: Then why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead?
[she starts to walk up the stairs going up to her room]
Nani: At least a rabbit would behave better than you!
Lilo: Good! Then you'll be happy 'cause it'll be smarter than me, too!
Nani: And quieter!
Lilo: You'll like it 'cause it's stinky like YOU!
[Lilo slams her bedroom door]
Nani: [screaming] Go to your ROOOOOOOOMMM!
Lilo: I'm already in my room!
[Slams the door, Nani grabs a pillow and screams into it, in her room, Lilo screams into her own pillow, then flops down onto the bed]
Lilo: Our family's little now, and we don't have many toys... But if you want, you could be a part of it. You could be our baby, and we'd raise you to be good.
Lilo: Don't worry. She likes your butt and fancy hair. I know. I read her diary.
David: She thinks it's fancy?
Grand Councilwoman: Read the charges.
Gantu: Doctor Jumba Jookiba, you stand before this council accused of illegal genetic experimentation!
Grand Councilwoman: How do you plead?
Jumba: Not guilty! My experiments are only theoretical, and completely within legal boundaries.
Grand Councilwoman: We believe you actually... created something.
Jumba: Created something? Hah! But that would be irresponsible and unethical. I would never, ever...
[Stitch is revealed]
Jumba: ...make... more than one.
Grand Councilwoman: Can we not simply destroy the island?
Pleakley: NO, crazyhead! The mosquito's food of choice, primitive humanoid lifeforms, have colonies all over that planet.
Grand Councilwoman: Are they intelligent?
Pleakley: No. But they're very delicate. In fact, every time an asteroid strikes their planet, they have to begin life all over. Fascinating, isn't it?
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Former. Saved the planet once. Convinced an alien race mosquitoes were an endangered species.
Jumba: 626 was designed to be a monster, but now he has nothing to destroy. You see, I never gave him a greater purpose. What must it be like to have nothing, not even memories to look back on in the middle of the night?
Nani: I'll tell you what. If you promise not to fight anymore, I promise not to yell at you, except on special occasions.
Lilo: Tuesdays and bank holidays would be good.
Lilo: Hello? Are there any animals in here?
Stitch: H... h... hi!
David: [to Stitch] So you're from outer space? I hear the surfing is choice.
Lilo: This is your badness level. It's unusually high for someone your size. We have to fix that.
Nani: Why didn't you wait at school? You were supposed to wait *there*! Lilo! Do you not understand? Do you *want* to be taken away? Answer me!
Nani: No, you don't understand?
Nani: No, what?
[slumps down on the floor]
Pleakley: Help! I don't like the ocean! Ahh! Oh, look, a friendly little dolphin. They helped sailors during the war... It's a shark! It's a shark and it ain't friendly! Looks like a dolphin... Tricky fish! Tricky fish! Octopus, will you please help me? An octo... the octopus is worse than the shark! I hate this planet!
Gantu: [as the ship jolts] What was that?
Second Alien: I... don't think he's on the ship anymore...
Alien: Confirmed! He's taken a police cruiser.
Second Alien: Yeah... he took the red one.
Pleakley: Look! A mosquito has chosen me as her perch. She's so beautiful. Look, another one! And another one! Why, it's a whole flock! They like me! They're nuzzling my flesh with their noses! Now they're... they're... Aaaaaaaah!
Jumba: [sees Pleakley trying on a wig] What are you doing?
Pleakley: [hiding wig] Nothing.
Jumba: Say, I want to try it on.
[wrestles wig from Pleakley]
Pleakley: Hey! Ow! You're just jealous 'cause I'm pretty!
Grand Councilwoman: A quiet capture would require an understanding of 626 that we do not possess! Who then, Mr. Pleakley, would *you* send for his extraction?
Pleakley: [thinks for a moment] Does he have a brother?
[Councilwoman rolls her eyes]
Pleakley: Close relative, perhaps?
[Later, in the prison where Jumba is kept]
Pleakley: [nervously] Friendly cousin? Neighbor with a beard?
Grand Councilwoman: Take note of this. This creature is hereby sentenced to life in exile, a sentence that shall be henceforth served out here, on Earth. And as caretaker of the alien lifeform Stitch, this family is hereby under the protection of the United Intergalactic Federation. We'll be checking in now and then.
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: I was afraid you were going to say that. This won't be easy to explain back at headquarters.
Grand Councilwoman: I know what you mean.
Lilo: [creating voodoo dolls of her playmates] My friends need to be punished.
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Heard you lost your job.
Nani: Well... I just quit that job, because the hours are just not conducive to raising a child...
[Stitch hits Cobra in the face with a ball]
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: What is that?
Lilo: That's my puppy.
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Really?
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Thus far you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience, but I cannot tolerate you being jobless. Do I make myself clear?
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: And next time I see that dog, I want him to be a model citizen. Capisce?
Lilo: Uh... yes?
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: New job. Model citizen.
[Puts on sunglasses; one of the lenses pops off]
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Good day.
Lilo: It's nice to live on an island with no large cities.
[Stitch throws a convulsive fit]
Lilo: Are you okay?
Nani: [talking on the phone] I think it might be a koala... an *evil* koala. I can't even pet it! It keeps *staring* at me, like it's gonna eat me!
Jumba: WHAT? After all you put me through, you expect me to help you just like that? JUST LIKE THAT?
Stitch: [alien language] Ih.
Pleakley: "Fine"? You're doing what he says?
Jumba: He's very persuasive!
Rescue Lady: Oh yes, mm-hmm, all of our dogs are adoptable.
[Lilo walks in with Stitch]
Rescue Lady: Except that one!
Nani: What is that thing?
Rescue Lady: A dog, I think... But it was dead this morning!
Nani: It was dead this morning?
Rescue Lady: Well we thought it was dead, it was hit by a truck!
Lilo: Elvis Presley was a model citizen. I've compiled a list of his traits for you to practice. Number one... is dancing!
Rescue lady: You have to think of a name for him.
Lilo: His name is... "Stitch."
Rescue lady: But that's not a real name...
[Nani gesturing "NO"]
Rescue lady: in... Iceland. But here it's a good name! "Stitch" it is.
Nani: Okay, talk. I know you had something to do with this. Now, where's Lilo? Talk! I know you can.
Stitch: [reveals his alien form] Okay, okay.
[Nani freaks and smacks him down with a tree branch]
Pleakley: [after Stitch chews on his head] All is well! Please go about your business! I'm okay!
Nani: Uh, your head looks... swollen.
Jumba: Actually, she's just ugly.
Pleakley: [laughing nervously] Oh, he's joking. Ugly - Look at me!
Pleakley: Oh, good! I was hoping to add theft, endangerment, and INSANITY to my list of things I did today!
Jumba: Ha ha! You too?
Stitch: [while using a VW Beetle to defend himself against attackers] Blue punch buggy... no punch-back!
Pleakley: Oh, can't complain, Mom. Camping out with a convicted criminal. And, uh... oh, I had my head chewed on by a monster!
[meeting the social worker after damaging his car]
Nani: Hi... uh... you must be, the, uh...
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: The "stupidhead."
Nani: Oh. Ohhhh! Oh, you know, I'm *really* sorry about that, and if I had known who you were, of course I never would've... I can pay for that.
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: It's a rental. Are you the guardian in question?
Nani: Yes. I'm Nani, nice to meet you Mr...
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Bubbles.
Nani: Mr. Bubbles? That's a strange...
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: Yes, I know. Are you going to invite me in, Nani?
David: I may not be a doctor, but I know there's no better cure for a sour face than a couple of boards and some choice waves. Whatcha think?
Pleakley: Stop! I have just determined the situation to be far too hazardous!
Jumba: Don't worry. I won't hit her.
Pleakley: No! That girl is part of the mosquito food chain.
[Gives Jumba his View Master]
Pleakley: Here, educate yourself.
Jumba: Using that little girl for a shield.
Jumba: This is low even for you!
Jumba: [has Stitch on his sights] You are all mine.
Pleakley: Well, what is he doing?
Jumba: Quiet! He's listening for us.
Pleakley: [whispering] How good is his hearing?
[Stitch immediately turns around]
Lilo: [as Cobra holds her, she explains the explosion] One of them had a giant eye in the middle of his face.
Nani: [runs to take Lilo] Oh, Lilo.
[Cobra places Lilo in the car and closes the door]
Nani: Please don't do this.
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: You know I have no choice.
Nani: No! You're not taking her! I'm the only one who understands her! You take that away, she won't stand a chance!
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: You're making this harder than it needs to be.
Nani: But you don't know what you're doing! She needs me!
Mr. Cobra Bubbles: [points to the exploded house] IS THIS WHAT SHE NEEDS? It seems clear to me that you need her a lot more than she needs you.
Jumba: So, tell me, my little one-eyed one... on what poor, pitiful, defenseless planet has my "monstrosity" been unleashed?
Gantu: What is that monstrosity?
Jumba: Monstrosity? What you see before you is the first of a new species. I call it Experiment 626. He is fire-proof, bullet-proof, and can think faster than super computer. He can see in the dark, and lift objects three thousand times his size. His only instinct... to destroy everything he touches! Ha ha ha ha!
Grand Councilwoman: So it IS a monster.
Jumba: Eh, just a little one.
[after being bitten by Stitch]
Captain Gantu: Uh... Does this look infected to you?
Myrtle Edmonds: [regarding the bite mark Lilo gave her] Does this look infected to you?
Myrtle Edmonds: You'd better not have rabies.
Girl: If you have rabies, the doctors are gonna have to cut...
Lilo: Are you playing dolls?
[the others hide their dolls]
Myrtle Edmonds: You don't have a doll.
Lilo: [pulls a strange looking rag doll from her backpack] This is Scrump.
[other girls gasp in horror]
Lilo: I made her. But her head is too big, so I pretended that a bug laid eggs in her ear, and she's upset because she has only a few more days to...
[notices that all the other girls are gone; She throws Scrump on the floor and walks away, then returns for Scrump]
Jumba: Don't worry, is all part of plan. We are professionals. Hey! Get that out of your mouth!
Pleakley: [hands Jumba a Viewmaster] Here! Educate yourself!
Jumba: Hiding behind your little friend won't work anymore. Didn't I tell you? We got fired this morning. New rules.
Pleakley: Hold it! Hold everything! Earth is a protected wildlife preserve. Yeah, we've been using it to rebuild the mosquito population, which need I remind you, is an endangered species.
Lilo: [to Nani] You're loose in the house all the time and I sleep just fine!
Lilo: I got a new dog. His name is Stitch.
Myrtle Edmonds: That is the ugliest thing I have ever saw!
other girls: Yeeaahh!
[after they wipe out while surfing]
Lilo: What happened?
Nani: Some lolo must have stuffed us in the barrel.
Jumba: [captures Stitch] Aha! Now, all your washing is up!
Pleakley: You're under arrest. Read him his rights.
Jumba: Listen carefully.
[slams Stitch's head repeatedly against a palm tree]
Jumba: Heh heh, he got away?
Grand Councilwoman: I'm sure this comes as no surprise to you.
Jumba: I designed 626 to be unstoppable.
Grand Councilwoman: Which is precisely why you must now bring him back.
Jumba: What? Me?
Grand Councilwoman: And to reward you, we are willing to trade your freedom for his capture.
Pleakley: [while being jerked up and down by a running Jumba] We! Can not! Be Seen!
Stitch: Poocha Chubugga Oom Chickee! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Grand Councilwoman: What about military forces just landing there?
Pleakley: Well that would be a BAD IDEA! These are extremely simple creatures, miss. Landing there would create mass mayhem and planet-wide panic!
Lilo: Oh, my camera's full again!
[Lilo holds up a Kodak film camera to Nani and then points towards the wall closest to her bed. Lilo has made a large collage of photographs of morbidly obese tourists on the beaches of Hawaii, and there are over a hundred that nearly take up the entire wall]
Lilo: Aren't they beautiful?
[Nani makes a face, looking creeped-out]
Hula Teacher: [counting the dance students during a recital] One, two, three...?
[notices that Lilo isn't present]
Hula Teacher: Aieee...
Captain Gantu: Uncomfortable? Aw. Good! The council has sentenced you to exile on a desert asteroid. So relax, enjoy the trip... and don't get any ideas. These guns are locked onto your genetic signature. They won't shoot anyone but you.