Michael is convinced to try a new hair product after seeing the success a previously bald friend of his had with it. But as his hair starts to come in, Jay is fed up with his new and strange behavior, and Michael becomes convinced that Jay is trying to kill him.
Jay drops the bomb that she has enrolled in college, and despite Michael forbidding her, she goes anyway. At first the kids are behind her but as she becomes obsessed with her psychology class and diagnoses everybody, Michael tries to find a way to knock some sense into her before she drives the whole family crazy.
When Jr. reveals he's not taking his fatherly responsibilities seriously, Michael makes a bet that he can't take care of a balloon baby like a real baby for a week, and if Jr. loses he has to enroll in a parenting class.
Jay diets and exercises in training for an upcoming marathon, Michael laughs off all her training by insisting he can run faster than she can. But when the big day comes, Michael has to cheat in order to make it to the finish line first.
Michael finds a pack of condoms in Claire's backpack and jumps to conclusions since her boyfriend Tony is coming back from spending 40 days in the desert. Junior accidentally gives Kady his dog's medicine instead of her allergy medicine and Michael decides to teach him a lesson about responsibility since he'll be a father soon.
Jr. restores his prized 1964 Impala, but then he and Vanessa surprise everyone when they decide to sell it in order to have money for their new baby. Meanwhile, Franklin seeks advice from Michael on how to act more like a normal kid.
Michael gets a ticket for reckless driving and has to appear in court. Jay becomes obsessed with getting Botox and she and Michael both get a shot, resulting in their faces being frozen the next day. When Michael appears before the judge and can't remove the giant grin from his face, he gets thrown in jail.
During Family Night, Jay suggests they play a game called "What Do You Know?" where the men and women take sides and answer personal questions about their spouses; but the men get every question wrong and Michael especially winds up in the doghouse for saying Jay's dress size is 16 instead of 6.