While Jay's visiting her mother, the kids tell Michael of their ideas of what would make him the perfect father; Michael turns it around by sharing his ideas of what perfect children would be like and each finds out how unpleasant that idea is.
Jay returns from her mother's several pounds heavier than when she left and is in denial about it; when Michael tries to bring up the subject, Jay becomes hostile insisting that he should love her no matter how she looks.
Michael overhears Claire on the phone making plans to sneak off to a party when she's supposed to be spending the night at a friend's house. Kady overhears his plans to go to the party and bust Claire and put her picture on his 'Wall of Shame' so she helps Clair leave the party early. Michael is furious that Claire outsmarted him and sets out to find who helped her.
When Junior dares Claire to eat Michael's piece of lemon meringue pie, Michael's previous lesson to the kids about sticking together comes back to bite him when nobody will fess up as to who ate it. So he tries a different lesson, of feeding them nothing but lemon meringue pie until somebody confesses.
Janet interrupts Michael's video game so they can spend quality time. After a romantic dinner, Michael returns to his game and Jay takes it as a sign that he doesn't love her anymore. They decide to try a new therapist for an unbiased opinion and Jay is horrified to learn the new doctor agrees with Michael.
Michael gets to the gas station and has to wait forever for the guy in front of him to move on. Irritated, he gets home to watch the Michael Jordan game on TV, but Jay says they're going out for family dinner.
Junior gets his license and is ready to get his own car; Michael already has one picked out but is disappointed when Junior instead brings home a piece of junk that he insists he can fix up. Meanwhile, Claire's school picture is coming up and she may regret pushing for a deluxe photo set when a trip to the dentist leaves her face bloated.