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(2001 TV Movie)

Quotes

Spenser: Because you're on the board of the Port City Theater, and because the director thinks he's being stalked, I have to endure two hours of lousy drama?

Susan Silverman: No. Because Jimmy Christopholous is a friend, because you are my honey, because sleuthing is your business, and because you will enjoy the ultimate theater party for two this evening.

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Susan Silverman: Do you know how much this means to me?

Spenser: [pause] : Damn!

Susan Silverman: I'll double your usual fee.

Spenser: Remind me, what is my usual fee?

Susan Silverman: Two nights of ecstasy.

Spenser: So double would be four. Payable in thirty days?

Susan Silverman: I'll halve the time. Four nights of ecstasy in two weeks. Deal?

Spenser: Deal.

Susan Silverman: Sucker.

Spenser: What, am I charging enough?

Susan Silverman: You're charging enough... but you'd've gotten it anyway.

Spenser: I know.

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Spenser: Hey, I'm willing to tell you all I know.

Chief DeSpain: You haven't told me squat.

Spenser: True, but it's all I know.

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Chief DeSpain: Well, you learn anything, you dash right on in and tell us about it. 'Cause we're fightin' crime up here, day and night.

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Jocelyn Colby: [meeting Spenser] Way to go, Susan! Hunk city!

[She leaves.]

Spenser: You think she has designs on me sexually?

Susan Silverman: Almost certainly.

Spenser: Because I'm hunk city?

Susan Silverman: Because you're male.

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Spenser: This may not be a routine murder. Most murders don't happen in a crowded theater.

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Spenser: So the killing might be connected to the play, so I need someone to... tell me what the play was about.

Lou Montana: Ahem. Lou Montana. I directed. And, uh, your question is absurd.

Spenser: No; an actor getting shot on stage wearing tights while singing "Land of Love" is absurd.

Lou Montana: Ah. And what was your response to the play?

Spenser: I found it a pretentious mishmash about appearance and reality.

Lou Montana: Well, art isn't "about"

[makes air quotes]

Lou Montana: anything. It *is* movement and speech in space and time.

Spenser: Thank you!

Lou Montana: I didn't expect you'd understand.

Spenser: Me either.

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Spenser: Could you arrange for me to have lunch with her?

Susan Silverman: I'm not sure she'd be willing to meet with you.

Spenser: Mention to her about me being hunk city!

Susan Silverman: That ought to do it.

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Spenser: [narrating] Rikki Wu was sex. She was spoiled, self-centered, shallow, maybe cruel, certainly careless about other people. But she was sex.

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Lonnie Wu: It is unseemly for her to be having lunch with a lo fan.

Spenser: Is "lo fan" a term of racial endearment?

Lonnie Wu: It means "barbarian". Someone who is not Chinese.

Spenser: So you don't fully subscribe to the melting-pot theory?

Lonnie Wu: I'm not here to make small talk. It would be best if you stayed out of Port City.

Spenser: Is it okay if I retain my U.S. citizenship?

Lonnie Wu: What you choose to do outside of Port City is your business. But if you choose to come back, we will make it our business, and I will not be able to protect you.

Spenser: Protect me from whom?

Lonnie Wu: From me.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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