My Boss's Daughter (2003)
[Jack Taylor introduces his pet owl]
Jack Taylor: This is O.J.
Tom Stansfield: O.J.? Like the murderer?
Jack Taylor: No, like a football player. O.J. Simpson.
T.J.: You rat me out, I'm gonna carve you like a turkey and beat your kids with what's left of you.
Tom Stansfield: I don't have any kids.
T.J.: I can wait.
Tom Stansfield: I appreciate all your help, but could you make sure that your friends stay out of the house?
Audrey Bennett: All of them or just the colored guy?
Tom Stansfield: No, all of them.
Audrey Bennett: Oh, that's smart. That way the colored guy won't take it personal.
Audrey Bennett: Speed, tell Tom about Kennedy's assassination. This is so cool, Tom, Speed knows who killed JFK. No ask him, Tom, ask him! Ask him who killed him!
Tom Stansfield: Alright, alright. Who killed JFK?
Speed: Desi... Arnaz.
[Tom sees a mouse running loose, runs away to catch it]
Speed: [to Audrey] His life just changed.
Jack Taylor: [to Audrey, his secretary] Are you retarded?
[She stares at him]
Jack Taylor: It's not a rhetorical question. Are you retarded?
Tom Stansfield: Hey put the crowbar down, or I will blow your ass to fucktown!
Jack Taylor: What's this I hear about you threatening to spray this play with an AK-47?
Tom Stansfield: Oh... well, I was just making a joke.
Jack Taylor: Oh that's funny to you? People dying? And what's this I hear about you making fun of midgets?
Tom Stansfield: I never make fun of midgets!
Jack Taylor: You said, it would be fun to date one because then you could rest your beer on their head, now I have a sense of humour, but that's just sick.