The 72nd Annual Academy Awards (2000 TV Special)
[[link=nm0000886] and a pregnant [link=nm0000906] are in the audience]
Billy Crystal: As host, I have a lot of duties to do tonight. If Warren happens to be on stage, if Annette goes into labor, I have to be her Lamaze coach. But she's a pro and I know she'll do it in one take. And if Roberto Benigni gets out of hand, I've got the stun gun.
Billy Crystal: Welcome to Oscar 2000, or as ABC calls it, Regis's night off.
Billy Crystal: Who's in charge of security? Probably the same guys who protected Sonny Corleone at the tollbooth.
[presenting Best Original Screenplay]
Mel Gibson: Consider the writer. Locked away in a lonely room, waiting for Lady Muse to alight gracefully and turn the stark blank empty void of a page into the stuff of masterpiece... geez, who writes this stuff?
Cher: OK, you've probably noticed I am dressed like a grown-up. I'd like to apologize to the Academy, and I promise I will never do it again.
Billy Crystal: [reading Michael Clarke Duncan's mind] I see white people.
Himself - Winner: Best Actor in a Supporting Role: I remember they changed the wording from "The winner is" to "The Oscar goes to." And if ever there was a category where the Oscar goes to someone without there being a winner, it's this one, because I don't feel like a winner.