- Damien: Father I don't really see the point of trying to enroll in an all girls school
- Mr. Hell: Are you sure you're my son?
- Tough Cop: Shoot first, ask questions later. Maybe at the funeral.
- Mr. Hell: I'd like to introduce you to my lovely co-host, whose name I can't remember since I had sex with her and no longer care.
- Mr. Hell: It takes 9 months to make one episode of The Simpsons? We're doing a whole series in that time... but it's still good!
- [Victorian lady detective accidentally exposed her ankle]
- Man: [throwing rock at her] Ankle slut!
- [Serge has just finished his career as a porn star]
- Serge: Come on Lucky, let's go get laid!
- [Lucky squeaks]
- Serge: Okay, okay give a guy time to adjust
- [after Serge tries to shoot Lucky's new girlfriend, Lucky shoves her out of the way but she gets run over by a truck in the road]
- Serge: I know if I get a girlfriend you can kill her, okay?
- Mr. Hell: [doorbell rings] Oooooooh that must be the pizza boy!
- [opens door while getting baseball bat ready]
- Mr. Hell: [seeing his half-devil half-angel son Damien at the door, he looks at the screen] It was a holiday thing.
- Mr. Hell: This show is the last in the series, unless they're showing them in the wrong order, in which case see you next week.