Quotes
[first lines]
Silent Bob's Mother:
Bobby Boy, stay here while mommy picks up the free cheese, kay? Here, this will keep the sun out of your eyes.
[puts a baseball cap on his head backwards]
Silent Bob's Mother:
You be good, now.
[walks in store, then Jay and his Mom arrive]
Jay's Mother:
Alright, don't you fuckin' move you little shit machine. Your Momma's going to try to score.
Passerby:
What the hell? 'Scuse me. Who's watching these babies?
Jay's Mother:
Uh... the fat one's watchin the little one?
Passerby:
Oh yeah, nice parenting. Leave 'em out here like that and see what happens.
Jay's Mother:
YO, FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING SQUARE!
Passerby:
Oh yeah, keep on truckin'!
Jay's Mother:
[to infant Jay]
Did ya hear that fuckin' guy tellin' me how to fuckin' raise ya? What a motherfucker, man! Who the fuck does that fuckin' guy think he is? What's the worst fuckin' thing that can fuckin' happen to ya just standing outside a fuckin' store, right? Fuck!
[Jay's mother walks into the record store, leaving infant Jay and Silent Bob in their strollers]
Baby Jay:
[his first words]
Fuck... fuck... fuck... fuck...
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Crazy Credits
The Director Would Like to Thank...
GOD - He Who makes it all possible
JEN - She who picks up His slack with patience, love and lust
SCOTT - Without whom, I'm nothing
JAY - Without whom, there's no movie
BOB - For Saying "Take'em out of Jersey"
HARVEY - For Saying "Kevin and Scott are making a movie where?!?"
MOM AND DAD - The best parents a guy ever had
GAIL AND BYRON - A close second
HARLEY - For her never-ending fascination with poo-poo
GORDON - For the same
JAMIE - For shooting the best looking flick we've ever made
JIM - For scoring the best looking flick we've ever made
SLOSS - who coined the phrase "It's Dogma without the religion."
RASKIND - who coined the phrase "I'd fire Sloss for saying that."
AFFLECK - Once more into the breach, dear friend
MATTY - who didn't charge nearly as much as the breach guy
LEE - who did double-duty
BRIAN AND JEFF - who did it yet again
PHILBERT - for sound editing advice
VORDO - for sound editing advice
TIM - who kept it all running smoothly
LAURA - who kept it all running smoothly and under budget
GOOSEBERG - for C.G.I., there's no better man out there
SUE - for you, there are better men out there
THE CAST - who elevated a bunch of dirty words with their talents
THE CREW - who elevated everything else, with a smile
BRYAN - who laughed at "Give me the map Scott!"
WALT - who laughs at Bryan's expense
GINA - for coming back
MONICA - who makes Scott come - to work, you pigs. To work.
MING - He's the deejay, I'm the rapper
BRAD AND CHRIS - they're the wheels of steel
JIM MCLAUCHLIN - the wizard of Wizard
AINT IT COOL MIKE - the Cool of Ain't It Cool
CHAPMAN - who's merchandising my kid right into private school
CAROL - who's keeping it all accounted for
MATT WAGNER - for the logo we've gotten a lot of mileage out of
OEMING - for the artwork we'll milk to death
THE FOLKS WHO POST AT WWW.VIEWASKEW.COM - for the never-ending kind words
THE FOLKS WHO POST AT AINT-IT-COOL-NEWS.COM - for the never-ending abuse
HAWK & PIERSON - for starting this whole mess
and
MALCOLM - the best sport outside of hockey
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