Sofía: I think she's the saddest girl ever to hold a martini.
Sofía: I'll tell you in another life, when we are both cats.
[last lines to Sofia]
David: Do you remember what you told me once? That every passing minute is a another chance to turn it all around.
Sofía: I'll find you again.
David: I'll see you in another life... when we are both cats.
Libby: You'll be meeting Rebecca Dearborn, my personal role model.
Brian: You can do whatever you want with your life, but one day you'll know what love truly is. It's the sour and the sweet. And I know sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet.
David: He never watched television, and yet his biggest magazine is still the TV Digest.
[Brian leaves the party drunk]
Brian: I good you bid evening.
Brian: Julie Gianni is your fuck buddy?
David: My dreams are a cruel joke. They taunt me. Even in my dreams I'm an idiot... who knows he's about to wake up to reality. If I could only avoid sleep. But I can't. I try to tell myself what to dream. I try to dream that I am flying. Something free. It never works...
Sofía: Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.
Sofía: Holy God. This is going to change my life in a zillion different ways. I must be nuts.
Various: Open your eyes.
Sofía: [in Spanish] Open your eyes.
Sofía: [in English] Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open your eyes. Open you...
[David wakes up and pushes the snooze button on his alarm]
The Future: [voice] Relax, David. Open your eyes.
Rebecca Dearborn: This is a revolution of the mind.
Julie: Don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not.
Thomas Tipp: Do you know they even got a... well, a nickname for you behind your back? Heh? Citizen Dildo.
Sofía: What about you? What's your nickname?
David: Citizen Dildo.
Sofía: Hmm. You are not staying over.
Julie: Four times... it means something, David.
Brian: Just remember, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour, and I know the sour.
Rebecca Dearborn: Most of us live our whole lives... without any real adventure to call our own.
Rebecca Dearborn: What is any life without the pursuit of a dream?
Thomas Tipp: ...maybe you should let people see you, yeah? I mean, the last time we were together, you were, you were, you were in a coma, and you were very fucking rude to me. You didn't say a word.
Thomas Tipp: But I say this with complete love. Claim your life. Learn to be an asshole. Don't...
David: Two's enough.
Thomas Tipp: Forgive me. But I still believe in this family, David, even if it's only you.
David: See, I've got this little problem. I've got a stalker.
Sofía: It doesn't sound life threatening.
David: But I need a cover. I need for you to pretend we're having a scintillating conversation, and you are wildly entertained.
David: I know it's tough.
Sofía: I'll improvise.
David: Thomas Tipp was right; people will read again.
David: Is it me?
David: Say everything now, now, now, now.
David: Look at us. I'm frozen and you're dead, and I love you.
Sofía: It's a problem.
David: I lost you when I got in that car. I'm sorry.
David: I wasn't hitting on Sophia.
Brian: Oh, fine. Whatever you say. I'm crazy. I'm blind.
David: You're not blind, you're drinking Jack Daniels, and when you drink Jack you start in with that, "Frank Sinatra, she shot me down, give me a cigarette, King of Sad" thing.
Brian: That I do. Give me a cigarette.
David: I'll find one.
Brian: But wait. You're rich and women love you, and I'm from Ohio and I'm drunk. Can I tell you the truth?
David: Everybody does.
Brian: I dig her. And I've never said this to you before about any girl, but she could be - could be, could be, could be - the girl of my fucking dreams.
David: You're not from Ohio.
Brian: I know. But if she fucks up our friendship, she can go to hell. I won't allow it. We are bros.
David: I feel the same way.
Brian: Sure you do.
Brian: You will never know the exquisite pain of the guy, who goes home alone.
Sofía: But I just think good things will happen, if you are a good person with a good attitude, don't you think?
Edmund: It's been a brilliant journey of self-awakening. And now you've simply got to ask yourself this: What is happiness to you, David?
David: My father wrote about this in his book. Chapter 1... Page 1... Paragraph 1: What is the answer to 99 out of 100 questions?... Money.
David: The little things... there's nothing bigger, is there?
David: Doc, once you've been driven off a bridge at 80 miles an hour, somehow you don't invite happiness in without a full body search.
David: I wanna wake up! Tech support! It's a nightmare! Tech support! Tech support!
David: These? These are more than headaches. These are steel plates slicing through my every thought.
[Sofía is taking David's mask off]
David: How bad is it?
Sofía: ...Well... your ears are in the right place... And the rest of it... is not bad at all. It's perfect!
Dr. Curtis McCabe: Dig deep, David.
David: I want to live a real life... I don't want to dream any longer.
Brian: You're in O.J.-land.
Julie: Don't ever say that word. I will never come over and bring you chicken soup and fuck your brains out again.
Dr. Curtis McCabe: I'm real. I'm... I'm... mortality as home entertainment? THIS CANNOT BE THE FUTURE. Can it? CAN IT?
Dr. Curtis McCabe: You do understand that our time is limited, don't you?
David: If I talk... you'll just think I'm crazy.
Dr. Curtis McCabe: With all the possible respect I can offer a man wearing a latex mask and spouting conspiracy theories, David, believe me, you've crossed that bridge.
Dr. Curtis McCabe: And you didn't immediately wanna sleep with her?
David: Well, you know, I'm a pleasure delayer.
[David receives his facial prosthetic]
Dr. Pomeranz: It's a helpful unit.
David: Good. Because for a minute there, I thought we were talking about
David: a fucking mask!
Dr. Pomeranz: It's only a mask... if you treat it that way.
David: Oh, no. It's great. This completely takes care of Hallowe'en. But what about the other 364 days of the year?
Julie: I'm so afraid of how powerful this is!
Sofía: Do you love me? I mean really love me. Because if you don't... I'll just have to kill you.
David: I WANNA WAKE UP!
Dr. Curtis McCabe: [McCabe tells Libby about his relationship with David] He's my son. He's very shy.
David: Somebody died. It was me.
David: We almost died.
Brian: I know. My own death was right there in front of me and you know what happened? Your life flashed before my eyes.
David: How was it?
Brian: Almost worth dying for...
Edmund: There are no guarantees, but remember: Even in the future, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour.
David: [looking at himself in the mirror]
Guy in Bathroom: Dude, fix your fucking face.
David: [starts laughing]
Edmund: You were missed, David. It was Sofia who never fully recovered. It was she who some how knew you best... and like you, she never forgot that one night where true love seemed possible.
[looking at a caricature sketch Sofia has drawn of him and laughing]
David: No, it's something that you'd see on a wall in a steak-house in *Hell*.
Edmund: Forgive me, I'm blowing your mind.
Dr. Curtis McCabe: My favorite Beatle was once John. Now it's... Paul.