Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001 Video)
[about the FEDS]
Burt: Need I remind you Jack? They are not your friends, they are government agents. OVER!
Jack: [also over radio] Cut me some slack, Burt! All I did was a little negotiatin'.
Burt: You did *what*?
Jack: I cut us a deal! You help 'em catch one live graboid, they give you back your huntin' license, over.
Burt: [Burt drives up, stopping next to Jack. Jodi notices them still talking on the radio] Uhhh, copy that. Roger. One question.
Burt: [Off radio, getting out of the vehicle] Is your head up your ass for the warmth?
[as an ass blaster groans over Burt's compound]
Burt: Not to worry, my perimeter is completely Graboid proof.
Jodi Chang: But is it ass blaster proof.
[after Burt blows up a shrieker herd]
Jack: Holy Sheeit! he doesn't fool around.
Jodi Chang: Burt is very uh, committed.
Jack: I've been listening to my inner voice, and it's tellin' me that you and I are destined to work together. What do ya think?
Burt: I think if I had an inner voice, it'd be tellin' me to tell you to get lost.
Jack: Well, uh just give it some time. You just think about it and get back to me now.
Burt: [after an argument about catching a live graboid. Currently glaring angrily at Jack after he "cut them a deal" with the Feds] You...
[turns gaze to the Feds]
Burt: ... say you have some sort of tranquilizer? Hmm?
Jack: [mouthing] Thank you...
Frank Stattler (Third Fed.): Yeah, we're usin' tranq darts.
[looks at Rusk]
Frank Stattler (Third Fed.): We got one to chase us, but we couldn't get these
[holds up a tranq dart with bent tip]
Frank Stattler (Third Fed.): to penetrate the dirt. I'm ordering titanium tips, and a more powerful launch-gun.
Burt: Of course, you could *squander* the tax-payers' money, but I bet I could get them to swallow *this*
[holds up a bag with tranquilizer fluid inside]
Burt: with *this*
[holds up a remote-control truck]
Burt: , for $49.95!
Agent Charlie Rusk: So, do we - do we - we have a deal? Because we wanna know what - we should do...
Burt: You guys do what you do best!
[gets into his truck with the window rolled down]
Burt: Find something simple and complicate it!
Jack: [to Rusk] It's good that he expresses himself. Repressed emotions can be real toxic.
Agent Charlie Rusk: He needs counselling...
Burt: [to Jack] Get in!
Burt: You got me into this!
Burt: Well, alright!
[Runs to the truck, slides over the hood, and jumps into the truck through an open window]
Burt: Use the door!
Burt: Have you heard from the feds?
Jack: Not since this morning. Haven't been able to raise 'em. They were chasing a Graboid.
Burt: They were chasing it? It wasn't chasing them?
[Jack notices chains attached to the back of Burt's truck]
Jack: Somebody gettin' married?
[after Burt blows up his home to keep the assblaster from eating the food, and finding out food stops them]
Burt: What kind of supreme being would condone such irony?
[after Burt gets dug up from a Graboid stomach]
Burt: I prefer... we keep this... to ourselves.
Jodi Chang: Oh, you guys definitely need to be supervised.
Burt: And people called me paranoid.
Jack: Uh, *I* don't think you're paranoid!
Miguel: I do...
[Under his breath]
Miguel: ...but not no more.
[after Burt kills 100 shriekers with an anti-aircraft gumn mount]
Burt: Any questions?
Miguel: The BLM man gave me permission to kill anything that represented a danger to my cattle. El lobo, el coyote, and el Graboid.
[Suggesting names for the flying monsters]
Jodi Chang: Assblasters. How's that?
Jack: Sounds like a porno film.
Burt: [after seeing a "Perfection Valley Ranchettes" sign by the junkyard, signifying Mel going specifically against what Burt said] The little turd!
Jodi Chang: [after assembling a potato gun, Jodi realizes a problem] Uh, but do we have a lighter?
Jack: Burt does.
Burt: [looks up from the gun] How do you know?
Jack: Well, 'cause you're... Burt.
Burt: [presenting lighter] Damn right I am.
Jodi Chang: Well, we discovered it right? Just like the other ones. We should name it... how about buttlauncher?
Jack: The universe provides.
Jodi Chang: The universe provides a boat?
Jack: And a blue tarp! C'mon!
Burt: [after everyone runs into an outhosue to hide from the assblasters] Well... let's assess the situation.
Jack: We're screwed.
Jodi Chang: We're screwed in an outhouse?
[a graboid is just outside Burt's fence]
Burt: Now, if you'll kindly lean your endangered carcass over my property line, we'll call your untimely demise 'self defense'.
Burt: [handing Jack a gun] You do know which end the bullets come out?
Jack: I've seen movies.
[Melvin is trying to convince Burt to sell his house and land]
Melvin Plug: C'mon Burt, what do you say?
Burt: I say I'll give you a ten-second head start.
Jack: Burt, what happens if this thing eats your food?
Burt: [looks around at the many, many cases of MREs] Assblaster Blitzkrieg.
Jodi Chang: [after killing an ass-blaster] Ha! Ass blaster! Blast your own damn ass!