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My Family (TV Series 2000–2011) Poster

(2000–2011)

Quotes

Susan: I have decided to put an end to this madness that is ruining all our lives.

Michael: You're going to kill dad?

Susan: [to Ben, after her mother leaves the house] Don't even think about locking that door!

Ben: Locking it? I was thinking of bricking it up!

Susan: My mum's like a horror movie. If we all don't stick together, she'll pick us off one at a time.

Ben: [to Abi] You, you're unhinged!

[to Michael]

Ben: You, you're demented!

[to Nick]

Ben: You... you're just you!

Roger: You'll kill me one of these days.

Ben: That's the plan.

Abi: Thanks, Ben. You've been saying really nice things lately... Actually they're the same things but without the sarcasm.

Michael: If I was smart, I'd have run away with the circus already.

Ben: [pulling Abi's arm] I'm desperate!

Roger: [pulling Abi's other arm; shouting] Then buy a magazine!

Abi: Don't worry, Janey. I had a fantasy man for about a year. They always leave you. The sex is great, though!

[to Ben]

Michael: Sometimes you're treating me like I'm you.

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[repeated line]

Ben: Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!

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Susan: And the plastic lobster is still there - not that I've seen it before...

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Ben: [grabs Michael on the neck from behind] Right, gotcha!

Michael: How long have you been waiting there?

Ben: Hours. Where's my £60?

Michael: I put it in the bank.

Ben: At this time of night?

Michael: Erm... I did it online.

Ben: [looking puzzled] I gave you cash!

Michael: It's got a holographic modem.

Ben: What's that?

Michael: Well... you scan the bank notes into the feeder slot, which then converts them into cyber-pennies... which, then transmatterates them directly into my account.

Ben: Well, transmatterate them back.

Michael: Erm... you can't do it twice. They'll disintegrate.

Ben: Come on! You can't fool me! I'm not your mother! If you can transmatterate them one way, you can transmatterate them back! Now, where's my cash?

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Janey: Abi, can you keep a secret?

Abi: Oh, yeah. I've never told anyone about Michael's vandalism charge.

Michael: [from the other room] Hey!

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Ben: She's got the worst set of teeth I've ever seen, and I'm a dentist.

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[Susan is writing a letter to Janey]

Ben: She never writes to me.

Susan: Well you never write to her.

Ben: I do. I wrote to her yesterday. I sent her a parental haiku. "Enclosed is cheque, you bleed me dry, stop it."

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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