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S.W.A.T. (2003) Poster

(2003)

Quotes

Hondo: You know what they say, you're either SWAT or you're not.

Street: So why'd you pick me?

Hondo: To piss off the captain.

Chris Sanchez: Just because I bought you a drink doesn't mean you're getting laid tonight.

Street: So, what does two drinks mean?

Gus: [discussing his wife's disapproval of the soft drink Dr. Pepper] You know the deal, Jim. When we got married, I converted to Mormonism. We can't consume anything that alters our state of mind. We treat out bodies with respect.

Street: And I treat mine like an amusement park. That's the differences that make this country great!

McCabe: [lying in the disabled learjet] How's Boxer?

Hondo: What do you care?

McCabe: C'mon, Hondo, just give me that.

Hondo: He's going to make it.

McCabe: Good.

Hondo: Just couldn't resist, could ya? So what do you wanna do?

McCabe: Goddamnit, Sarge.

[McCabe shoots himself dead]

Alex Montel: American Greed.

Street: Shut up.

Alex Montel: So reliable.

Street: Shut Up! Another officer is dead because you shot your mouth off.

Alex Montel: That's how I like cops - dead.

Street: You wanna join him? Huh?

Alex Montel: He knew the dangers, no? That's why he signed up to be a police officer. Carry a gun in the Wild West - like you, Cowboy. Would you be sitting here if this job wasn't dangerous? Huh? Anyway... killing him probably got you 20 new recruits. You should thank me.

Street: Yeah, you're right, I should. Boxer, thank him for me, will ya?

Boxer: Love to.

[Elbows Montel in the stomach]

Deke: We need to sell that shit on eBay.

Street: I only have one.

Deke: We'll split the profits fifty-fifty, corner the market. Break 'em down like a shotgun - The Polish Penetrator!

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Hondo: You still want to work S.W.A.T?

Chris: No. I just enjoy applying all the time.

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Gamble: Fuck you and S.W.A.T.

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McCabe: What? No roll, Hondo?

Hondo: How do you know I didn't?

McCabe: You didn't, did you?

Hondo: They only roll in John Woo movies, not in real life.

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[about Hondo's S.W.A.T. selection]

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Sanchez is a woman and Street, well he's on my shit list

Hondo: Hey! I'm on your shit list too and I'm the team captain.

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Polish Hostage: It's the damn robot aliens.

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Street: [to Gamble] Is this your girlfriend? Cute.

Travis: No, but you can be my bitch.

Street: [recoils in mock horror] Really?

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[to Captain Fuller]

Hondo: Shame you're not playing a terrorist.

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Boxer: I just want to know what you did to my little sister.

Street: She's 28, Boxer, okay? And trust me, she's not so little.

McCabe: [laughing] Oh no, you didn't...

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Street: [to McCabe] Looks like you're not the prettiest one on S.W.A.T. anymore.

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Chris: You wanna come to my house?

Street: That was easy.

Chris: My kid's having a birthday party tomorrow.

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McCabe: This was supposed to be simple snatch and extract.

Brian Gamble: Boxer was a threat, T.J.

McCabe: Boxer was my friend!

Brian Gamble: He was mine too.

Alex Montel: Stop crying. You can buy new friends.

McCabe: Don't give me any more reason to kill you.

Alex Montel: What are going to do, shoot me? You should relax a little bit, my friend. I'm the money here. Don't forget it.

Brian Gamble: We don't have time for this shit. Look, you can go ahead. I know this sucks. Let's worry about it in paradise, all right?

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Hondo: Here's where watching 'The World's Most Exciting Police Chases' pays off.

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[about Boxer's mustache]

Boxer: Your mother likes it.

Street: So does your sister.

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Hondo: The reason we're gathered here on our God-given, much-needed day of rest is that we have a Polish hostage.

Deke: So what if he's Polish?

Hondo: No, no. Means he's one of those: "Anyone comes in, I'll blow my head off" type of guys.

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Hondo: You know what? I think he might be Polish.

Deke: Unbelievable.

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[From the first trailer]

Hondo: Let's try to get in the killing mode.

Chris: I am in killing mode.

Hondo: So why you smiling?

Chris: Because it tickles me.

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Velasquez: SWAT stands for Special Weapons And Tactics. Where were your tactics out there?

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[after shooting through a hostage to take out the bank robber holding her by the neck]

Gamble: I saved a hostage from getting shot.

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Gamble: So this is what it's come down to, bustin' down doors with J-Lo?

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Deke: Tell daddy how you want it.

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Brian Gamble: [to Street] You're like a goddamn rash!

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Brian Gamble: You know, I didn't know that they made bulletproof bras. Is it just me? But you know, I didn't know that.

Chris Sanchez: What they need to make are bulletproof condoms big enough to fit your big head.

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[the team's progress is halted by a firmly locked gate]

Deke: Ain't this a bitch?

Street: A cold hard one.

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[last lines]

Hondo: Technically, our watch has been over for 12 hours.

Street: So?

Hondo: Yeah. What the hell. Mount up.

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Hondo: You look like you need a Band-Aid.

Street: Somebody else needs a body bag downstairs.

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Alex Montel: What do you make, $66,000 a year?

Street: Not even with overtime.

Alex Montel: Ha, loser.

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Street: Bad day, huh?

Beat-up Latino Thug: Kiss my ass, ese.

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Street: Gamble, let her go!

Gamble: Take a shot, Jimbo!

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Uncle Martin Gascoigne: Your father is running the business.

Alex Montel: No, I retired him.

Uncle Martin Gascoigne: Really? He never spoke of that to me.

Alex Montel: That's because he can't speak anymore.

[Slashes Gascoigne's throat]

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[after hearing Street over radio yell officer down]

Hondo: Flip a bitch!

Deke: Flippin' a bitch!

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Hondo: Street, you have a driver's license?

Street: Got a library card.

Hondo: Good enough. So get your uniform on. You're driving me around today.

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Hondo: Oh look, they got their own airport security.

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Hondo: I need your A-game boys... and girl.

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Hondo: 10-David, this is 70-David.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: 70-David, where the hell are you?

Hondo: We are somewhere around Sixth and Trenton. We lost communication in the tunnels. Where's our backup?

Capt. Thomas Fuller: [**POSSIBLE SPOILER**] Everything I have is going to Hawthorne Airport. That's where your friends Gamble and T.J. McCabe are headed.

Hondo: That's the other side of town! Send a couple units to pick us up.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: PICK YOU UP? For all I know you're in on this! I got a good mind to bring you in!

Hondo: [to Street, Sanchez, and Deke] Like hell. Come on, let's go.

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Airport Screener: [after finding a pocket knife in customer's carryon bag] You can't bring this through the airport!

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Hondo: Drop Fruit of the Loomski in the A-car.

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Chris: Remind me to buy some shares in Kevlar.

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Hondo: Sorry. Wrong room.

Chris: Who are you looking for?

Hondo: Chris Sanchez.

Chris: I'm Chris Sanchez.

Hondo: YOU'RE Chris Sanchez?

Chris: Look, if you're Internal Affairs, that guy had razorblades in his mouth. I had to put him down hard. I'm sick and tired of these bullshit complains because some vato doesn't like getting thrown to the pavement by a woman.

Hondo: [Raises eyebrow] I look like IAD to you?

[Sanchez shrugs]

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Capt. Thomas Fuller: Nice job.

Hondo: Don't sound so happy.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Still got a problem. He's still here.

[Gestures towards Alex Montel]

Chris: Road trip?

Street: [Beaten up from the fight with Gamble] Road trip.

Hondo: Yeah... road trip. Guess you'll have to fire us later.

[Street spits blood out of his mouth, team walks away toward arriving SWAT truck with Fuller smiling at the team for once in the whole movie]

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McCabe: [as Gamble retrieves a hidden landmine] You gotta be shittin' me.

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Hondo: How can I trust a man who won't eat a good old-fashioned American hotdog?

Street: [smiling] He's a vegetarian.

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Hondo: [Deleted Scene: Hondo Reviews Files at Home outside, hears a noise on the ground, then looks down at a deer from his balcony] Hey! Get the hell off my damn property.

Hondo: [Deer looks at him] There's coyotes up here.

Hondo: As a rule, they're punks, but if I was you, I'd watch my back.

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Patrol Officer: [Deleted Scene: Gun shop where owners are watching bank robbery coverage on TV, and an LAPD Patrol Officer runs in with his partner] You got anything that can penetrate body armor?

Gun Shop Owner: No sir, those are restricted weapons...

Patrol Officer: [Interrupts] Bullshit. What do you got in the back?

Gun Shop Owner: You know, I actually might have a thing or two...

[Heads to back of shop, and says to other gun shop owner]

Gun Shop Owner: You want to get a case of those .223's for em?

Gun Shop Owner 2: You got it.

Gun Shop Owner: [Returns with 3 assault rifles] Here we go... how do you plan on paying for these?

Patrol Officer: The city will reimburse you.

Gun Shop Owner: For restricted weapons out of the back of my shop?

Patrol Officer: [as the 2 officers run back out] We owe ya!

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Deke: [Deleted Scene: Locker Room] So my wife's all worried about me workin' SWAT.

Boxer: They always are at first.

Deke: [Imitates his wife] "How am I gonna take care of the kids if something happens to you?" So I called to get a little extra insurance. When I tell the chick down there I'm workin SWAT, guess what she does?

McCabe: Laughs?

Boxer: Hangs up?

Deke: She laughs her ass off, AND hangs up.

McCabe: [as Boxer and TJ laugh] Bitch. Alright guys, take care.

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Velasquez: [Deleted Scene: Hondo's Introduction- Lt. Velasquez says to Officers of SWAT Division] Gentlemen! Our new 70-David has just made his first stealth entry. If you don't know him, you've probably heard of him: Sergeant Dan "Hondo" Harrelson!

[Officers cheer and applaud, with Boxer and McCabe's voices louder than the others]

Velasquez: Here is a man who will outrun, outfight, outshoot

[Hondo raises his eyebrows in disbelief at Velasquez]

Velasquez: , outsmart, out-paperwork, ALL OF YOU.

McCabe: I got 20 bucks says otherwise.

Boxer: I'll cover 10 of it for you.

Velasquez: Now you know gambling's not allowed, and I shouldn't have to tell you that... but I'll cover that 10.

Boxer: Done.

Velasquez: Few words, Sergeant?

Hondo: As a matter of fact...

[Pretends to smack TJ with his book]

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Boxer: [to Street] Hey, don't forget to take your safety off!

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Hondo: Street. Don't beat him so badly I can't get a rematch, all right?

Street: I won't make any promises.

Hondo: It's my money, man.

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Hondo: Let's go make the Captain look like a hero.

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Robber #1: I said kill that bitch and throw her out front!

Robber #2: [Looking at a surveillance camera] Hey, I'm on TV.

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Hondo: Deke, the frog's runnin'!

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Hondo: [Deke shoots a card] 10 of Spades. Spade flush.

Street: Hondo, isn't that a straight flush?

Hondo: Hold the phone. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten of Spades. Deke!

Deke: Beats four Aces in Compton any day!

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Alex Montel: [to news cameras, as he is being led into prison] I will give 100 million dollars to whoever gets me out of here.

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Capt. Thomas Fuller: Sometimes doing the right thing isn't doing the right thing.

Sgt. Howard: What the hell is that supposed mean?

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Travis: [after almost getting into a fight with Street in the bar before Gamble broke it up] You should have let me beat his ass.

Gamble: I just saved yours.

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Brian Gamble: That woman is alive because of what we did.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Yeah, alive and sueing the city for millions. The Chief said that this preceinct is gonna pay for this one, too and it sure as hell it isn't gonna be me.

Brian Gamble: C'mon Fuller we get...

Capt. Thomas Fuller: [Interrupting] Captain Fuller.

Brian Gamble: C'mon Captain fuller, we get 3 seconds to make a decision, and you get 3 months to go and tear it apart.

Velasquez: SWAT means special weapons *and* tatics. Where were your tatics out there?

Street: Saving that woman from being shot, that's where are tatcis were.

Brian Gamble: Yeah, every cop in this department knows taht we did the right thing.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Sometimes, doing the right thing isn't doing the right thing.

Sgt. Howard: What the hell does that mean.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Sargent.

[to Street and Gamble]

Capt. Thomas Fuller: You disobeyed a direct order, end of story, you're both off SWAT.

Velasquez: Captain. They're 2 of our best officers.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: No, I'm not about to stick them back into the field after a stunt like that.

Brian Gamble: [Becoming angry] Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know that saving lives was goddamn stunt.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Hey, you gotta big mouth, and apparently you're quick on the trigger, and *that* is why you're ass is in a sling.

Velasquez: Captain Fuller, if you're really gonna pull them off SWAT at least keep them in the division. Give'em a shot at getting back.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: [pause] Fine, stick'em in the gun cage, get'em out of my sight.

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Brian Gamble: [Mumbling under his breath to Street] This is total bullshit.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: What?

Brian Gamble: [Raising his voice to Fuller] I said this is bullshit.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Really.

Brian Gamble: Yeah, really.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: You should consider yourself lucky Lieutenant Velazquez is standing up for you.

Brian Gamble: [Looks back at Velazquez and walks towards Fuller] No. I'm lucky I don't have to work for an asshole like you.

[Shoves a few things off of Fuller's desk and pushes him back]

Capt. Thomas Fuller: [shouting over Gamble] That's it, you're outta here, Gamble, you're gone, Gamble, you're gone!

[Gamble is pushed out of the office]

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Street, Street, stay.

Street: [to Gamble] Hey!

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Give us a minute.

[the rest of the cops leave]

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Jim, sit down.

Street: I'll Stand.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Okay,

[Sits down]

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Jim, be both know that Gamble is a bad influence on the rest of the team.

Street: Gamble's a good cop.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Unlike him, you still have a chance ata future here. You'll go on record by following after Gamble recklessly. But you had no choice but to follow your partner after he disobeyed orders, and I'll make sure you're back on SWAT tomorrow morning.

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Brian Gamble: Terrible day, I need a cocktail.

Street: I'm staying.

Brian Gamble: [In disbelief] You're what? After that?

Street: In time, Fuller will have some new asses to chew on, and he'll put us back on the team.

Brian Gamble: Fuller, is a cop pincher in this department, brother and he's never gonna give us a second chance.

Street: So, what are you gonna do, piss away the hard work you did to get here?

Brian Gamble: Piss *what* away, Jimmy? The cage? C'mon man, we're better than that and you know it. Wanna join me? Oh, I guess that a real partner wouldn't have to ask that would he?

Street: A real partner would stood up for what he did at the bank.

Brian Gamble: I saved that hostage.

StreetBrian Gamble: You disobeyed the hold.

Brian Gamble: No. I saved that hostage.

Street: [Sternley shouting] You disobeyed the hold! You made that decision yourself, and you shot a hostage, Jesus Brian!

Brian Gamble: [Shocked] Woah, you sounded a lot like Fuller. Isn't that what you were talking about in there, you rat me out, you cut a deal to get back on the team, Jim?

Street: Did I cut a deal?

Brian Gamble: Yeah, did you?

Street: How many times have I cover up for you and all your goddamn stunts?

Brian Gamble: [Shrugs] That's what a real partner

[Picks up his badge]

Brian Gamble: You just picked a paycheck over me, bro.

[Tosses his badge to Street]

Street: You just picked yourself over everything else.

Brian Gamble: You wanna stay here, be Fuller's bitch? You go right ahaead, but I can't do it, nope can't do it. Goddmanit goddamnit god

[slaps a locker in anger]

Brian Gamble: damnit, Jim

Street: We were partners for 5 years, and this is how you wanna end it?

Brian Gamble: Nuh, uh. *I* didn't end it. You sold me out to the press.

Street: You know, I never realize until now how full of shit you are.

[Tosses the badge back to Gamble, who comes over and grabs Street by the shirt in anger]

Brian Gamble: Fuck you, and SWAT.

[Pushes Street back and breaks a mirror behind him]

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Capt. Thomas Fuller: The Chief is *making* me take you back. Because he's afraid of losing his best officers to other cities.

Hondo: He thinks that I'm one of his best officers.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: But, he's given me complete oversight, and trust me you have no room for error.

[Looking at the files]

Capt. Thomas Fuller: So, I will give you, Boxer, T.J. McCabe and this new guy, Deacon Kaye. I'm gonna pass up the other 2. Sanchez is a woman and Street, well Street's on my shit list.

Hondo: Hey, *I'm* on your shit list too, and I'm the team leader.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: You work for *me* know, and it's *my* team to choose.

Hondo: With all due respect, Captain. A lot of officers can get to pick their teams.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: And you can too, just pick 2, new, people.

Hondo: Look. Just give me the team I asked for. You can even call it your *shit list* team. So that way, if anything goes wrong, you can put all the blame on me. It'll be just like old times.

Capt. Thomas Fuller: Okay, alright. You got your team.

[Puts the files together]

Capt. Thomas Fuller: But, when you fail, and you probably will fail, Sanchez goes back to trafic, and you and your boy Street are plain gone.

[Hondo shrugs in disgust]

Capt. Thomas Fuller: No, no not just off S.W.A.T., off the force. You *feel* me?

Hondo: Oh yeah, I *feel* you.

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Neighbor in Alley: Y'all ain't got nothing better to do than to be haulin' off black people off to jail? Just perpetuatin' a cycle you know!

Deke: [putting the criminal in the police car] Let's see how liberal you are when he breaks into your place!

Neighbor in Alley: MMmm hm!

Deke: Mmm hm my ass!

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Hondo: How the hell can I trust a man who won't eat a good old-fashioned American hot dog?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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