Chris: You know, there's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them.
C.W.: I know, perceptive.
C.W.: A lot of women have passed through this apartment. I can't say they were all winners, but...
C.W.: I hate her just like I hate that German Chancellor with the moustache.
Betty Ann: You're searching my desk!
C.W.: I wasn't searching I was rummaging.
C.W. Briggs: They say, I always get my man.
Laura Kensington: Me too.
Betty Ann: You wormy little ferret!
C.W.: Now you're mixing metaphors.
C.W.: My clergyman - who happens to be wanted for pederasty - will vouch for me.
C.W.: The house is messy. If I knew you were coming I'd have rearranged the dirt.
C.W.: Hide in the bedroom.
Betty Ann: Can I sit down in there or will I catch something?
C.W.: Germs can't live in your blood - it's too cold.
Chris: Many a man has gone to the gallows on circumstantial evidence.
C.W.: I found the Picasso. It wasn't easy. I was looking for a woman with a guitar and it was all cubes. It took me two hours to find her nose.
Betty Ann: Who do you think I am, a peroxide little secretary with her brains in her sweater and whose ass you pinch?
Betty Ann: You hate any woman that doesn't have a double digit IQ.
Betty Ann: Sorry I'm late.
Betty Ann: No problem. It's only an hour and 15 minutes.
C.W.: Are you divorced or widowed? Did your husband commit suicide? I could understand that.
C.W.: I can't stand her.
Betty Ann: Don't pay attention to him. He's a sleazy little megalomaniac who's afraid of women.
C.W.: If you've got a cold, someone's got to rub your chest down with Vick's.
Jill: If anyone rubs my chest down they'd better bring a ring.
Laura Kensington: You have a fresh mouth. I don't think I like it.
C.W.: I tend to grow on people. We could meet later and I could grow on you.
Laura Kensington: I have a strawberry birthmark on my thigh. Want to see it?
C.W. Briggs: Sure, when can I take the full tour?
C.W.: We'll have lunch. I know a great restaurant you'll love. Gestapo food.
C.W.: Don't work too late. The bags under your eyes are getting bigger.
C.W.: There's a deck of cards with naked women on it.
Laura Kensington: Let me guess, you use it to play solitaire.
C.W.: I used to date the six of spades.
C.W.: Are you going to take your coat off? It hasn't rained in this apartment in 20 years.
Laura Kensington: I'll slip into something a little bit more comfortable. Wait for me in bed.
C.W.: More comfortable than that? What are you gonna put on, Jergens lotion?