Quotes
Christina: [Reading] Follow the yellow brick road? Huh! I'm following the yellow brick road... following the yellow brick...
Christina: [Comes across a picture of a dog with a hole in its mouth, she gasps] MUFFY! You look like my old doggy Muffy! What's in your mouth? What's in your mouth?
[more seriously]
Christina: What do you got in there?
[looks into the hole]
Man in the Glory Hole: Surprise!
Share thisGramps: Fuck Grandma.
Share thisGramps: You shoulda poked her in the whiskers when you had the chance.
Share thisPeter: I had them take out all the calories for you.
Share thisChristina: Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now.
Share thisJane: My body is a movie and your penis is the star!
Share thisChristina: I wasn't suggesting that the two of you get married, I just thought maybe you could get it on!
Share thisChristina: Ew! What is that?
Courtney: What is what?
Christina: You don't smell that?
Courtney: Smell what? I don't smell anything.
Christina: Oh Jesus! You're used to it, and that's, that's what's really scary!
Courtney: I don't smell anything!
Christina: It smells like moldy ass is what it smells like in here!
Courtney: Wait a minute, come to think of it, I did leave some ass in the back.
Christina: You did!
Courtney: I did, about a week a ago. I did, it's the ass! It must be the ass!
Share thisCourtney: Maybe it's you. Did somethin' crawl up your poonani?
Christina: Hey! I have never had any complaints in the poonani odor department!
Courtney: Yeah! Well neither have I, okay!
Christina: High five on the clean poonani!
[Gives a high five]
Courtney: Bitch!
Share thisRoger: Come on, don't be gay in God's house! Gimme a good slap!
Share thisCourtney: How could you not know what a glory hole is?
Christina: Well unlike my WHORE friend Courtney Rockcliff, I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms.
Share this[to little boy sitting in the pew in front of her in church]
Courtney: Turn around.
[Little boy shakes his head]
Courtney: Turn around.
[Little boy shakes his head]
Courtney: Look, it's Jesus. Look at Jesus!
Share thisJane: I can't believe I'm fucking a big purple elephant!
Share thisCourtney: What you did was incredibly brave. You dropped all your boundaries and you met him half way... shit you met him more than halfway you went all the way to Somerset.
Share thisCourtney: Oh, you know, the usual. Defending the rights of my broken hearted clients and try to squeeze every single penny out of their miserable cheating spouses.
Share thisCourtney: Fifty percent of what people say when they are joking is true, which means, you do wanna go to this wedding but you are too afraid to admit it. So, by making some sort of joke about it, you get to say what you really want without being vulnerable.
Share this[Courtney and Christina look at themselves dressed in ridiculous clothes]
Christina, Courtney: These are..."The Days Of Our Lives"!
Share this[after knocking over a flower arrangement and disrupting an entire wedding]
Courtney: This isn't the Glichtman Barmitzvah is it? Mosha are you in here, no?
Christina: Come along Sharron. Mazeltov! Shalom!
Share this[while holding her breats]
Christina: You know when I was 22, my breasts were up here, nice and perky, but gravity has taken them. It's like 22, 28, 22, 28, 22...
Courtney: Buy some new ones!
Share this[holds up arm shaking the fat on it]
Courtney: Look at this, no what is that, no, what is that, no seriously what is that? It's like Hello, Hi, Hi, How are you?
Share thisVoice: There's someone in here.
Christina: Sorry.
Voice: It might be a while.
Christina: How long?
Voice: Let me put it to you this way. I had Lamb Curry last night and I'm shitting out a Buick!
Courtney: Was it absolutely vital for her to tell us that?
Share thisGirl #1: I can't believe he brought that bitch to our bar. This is our bar!
Girl #2: Forget her. She's a Skeev.
Girl #1: But is she prettier than me?
Girl #2: Of course not, you're beautiful.
[Girl #1 throws up all over Girl #2]
Girl #2: Oh my God, you fucking bitch!
Share thisChuck: That's why girls always go to the bathroom together!
Share thisPeter: Here's to fifty years with the same woman.
Roger: Dude, that's just depressing. She'll have saggy tits by then. She could tie 'em around her waist by then and use 'em as a belt... Or just tuck 'em in her socks.
Share thisPeter: I'd be careful with those fat-free chips - they cause anal leakage.
Roger: You cause anal leakage
Peter: It says so on the bag.
Roger: [reads the bag and spits chips out of his mouth] What kind of marketing braniac puts anal leakage on his product? How can they even sell that crap?
Share thisPeter: I really hope I see you, but in case I don't, have a nice life.
Share thisChristina: Wanna hear some poetry? There once was a man from Bandoo. Who fell asleep in a canoe. He dreamed of Venus and played with his penis and woke up with a hand full of goo!
Share thisCourtney: That is the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I mean, I flew across that room. And you got fucked in the eye!
Share thisChristina: I got a penis in my eye.
Courtney: Let me see.
Christina: How is it? Is it okay?
Courtney: Yeah, it's okay, but I think you're pregnant.
Share thisChristina: You're too big to fit in here...
[covers her front]
Courtney: Too big to fit in HERE...
[smacks butt]
Courtney: OW! Unh!
Jane: Too big to fit in here...
[covers mouth and moans]
Christina: [Patrons begin playing music and drumming on things] Oh, my God!
Courtney: Oh my god, we are in Fame right now!
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] What a lovely ride
Jane: Your penis is a thrill!
Christina: Your penis is a Cadillac!
Courtney: A giant Coupe DeVille!
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load.
Courtney: And when it makes delivery...
Christina: It needs its own zip code! Nine-double zero PENIS!
Share thisChristina, Jane, Courtney: [All Singing] What a lovely ride!
Jane: Your penis is a thrill!
Christina: Your penis is a Cadillac
Jane: A giant Coupe DeVille!
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] Your penis packs a wallop, your penis brings a load!
Christina: And when it makes delivery...
Christina, Jane, Courtney: [All singing] It needs its own zipcode
Christina: Nine-Double Zero, Penis!
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