Baby Blues (2000– )
Kenny: Darryl MacPherson went to a strip joint? I'm gonna have to stop calling you a bottle-warming, baby-toting wuss.
Darryl: You never call me that.
Kenny: Not to your face.
Wanda: Darryl, I'm not upset that you like looking at pretty girls, I made my peace with that when I decided to marry a sighted heterosexual man.
Wanda: Shouldn't you be in school?
Bizzy: That's okay, I caught the history teacher staring at my legs. I own that guy.
Melinda: Listen, kids, nobody's going to Hell. It's just something your father and I say to get you to do stuff.
Wanda: You didn't have to sell out your whole moral code.
Melinda: I still got the monster under the bed.
Darryl: How bout my cousin Earl and his wife? They're nice and they like to travel.
Wanda: Avoiding a subpoena is not liking to travel.
Darryl: My wife is obsessed with our babysitter's love life!
Kenny: Obsessed enough to take pictures?
Kenny: Women need women friends. Take my wife. We used to fight all the time. Then she started hanging out with this nice gal down the street. Got her into weight lifting, ladies' professional golf, home repair, now I get my Saturday nights to myself while they lock the door and play board games in the basement. Yep, we got a perfect marriage all thanks to her special friend.
Carl: I have to stay home with Rodney, he was suspended again.
Rodney: I didn't do anything, it was a 'consiraspy.'
Carl: People do not conspire to frame an eight-year-old! They conspire to convince the country there was a moon landing!
Rodney: It's great getting back in the crib, I sleep easier when I'm behind bars.
Darryl: So does society.
Darryl: [watching Zoey cry] It's like a Springsteen concert. It just goes on and on.