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A Muppet Family Christmas (TV Movie 1987) Poster

(1987 TV Movie)

Quotes

Snowman: But it's always cold at Christmas.

Fozzie Bear: Ah, Christmas. Time for Santa Claus and his eight prancing rein-bear.

Snowman: That's reindeer.

Fozzie Bear: No, that's SNOW, DARLING!

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Ernie: Oh, hi there. Hey, we're Ernie and Bert.

Doc: Hi there yourself, I'm Doc.

Bert: Did you know that Doc starts with the letter "D"?

Doc: Why, yes.

Ernie: Yes! Yes starts with the letter "Y".

Doc: True.

Ernie: And true starts with the letter "T".

Doc: [chuckles] Hey, what is this?

Bert: Where we come from, this is small talk.

Doc: Well, whatever you day, nice to be meeting you, but I'd better go up and build some bunk beds.

ErnieBert: Bunk beds!

Ernie: B words.

[he and Bert laugh]

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Doc: [after the Muppet babies' Christmas home movie] Aw, that was fun! Even weirdos are cute when they're babies.

Gonzo: [rushing to Doc] I knew you'd learn to love us!

Doc: I didn't say that.

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Statler: We'd *love* to see your act.

Waldorf: But we'd hate to *miss* your act.

Statler: In fact, we'd love to *hate* your act!

[they cackle]

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Snowman: Hey Fozzie.

Fozzie Bear: Yes, Mr. Snowman?

Snowman: Did you hear about the church that burned down?

StatlerWaldorf: Holy smoke!

[they cackle]

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Doc: [to the Swedish Chef] I don't care if the turkey said the dog was a turkey! The dog is not the turkey! The turkey's the turkey, you turkey!

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Doc: There's one worried frog.

Count: Ah, that's ONE! One worried frog!

Robin: No, he's not the only one.

Count: That's TWO! Two worried frogs! Ha ha ha ha!

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Kermit: Don't you think we should've called your mother and let her know we were coming?

Fozzie Bear: Oh, how little you understand bears, Kermit. My mother loves surprises.

Gonzo: Well, good, cuz she's in for a honey.

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Kermit: You don't have to explain, Doc. If there's one thing Piggy knows, it's how to make an entrance.

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Janice: There's Rowlf when he was just a wee pup.

Rowlf: Not so wee. I was paper-trained.

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Floyd: There's Miss Hamhock when she was just a little sausage roll.

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Kermit: Where is your partner?

Fozzie Bear: Outside.

Kermit: Outside? Fozzie it's too cold to go outside.

Fozzie Bear: It's not cold.

Kermit: It *is* cold!

Fozzie Bear: It's not cold.

Snowman: [entering the house] Can I come in and warm up?

Fozzie Bear: Okay, so it's cold.

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Doc: Excuse me! You promised me a nice, quiet Christmas.

Emily 'Ma' Bear: You think you're disappointed? I just took three months of surfing lessons for zip.

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[repeated line]

Various Characters: Careful the icy patch!

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Doc: You promised me a nice, quiet Christmas!

Animal: Peace on Earth! Give me presents!

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Doc: Careful, Sprocket. These may be from some foreign planet.

Emily 'Ma' Bear: Actually, they're from television. I recognize Fozzie's weirdo friends.

Dr. Teeth: Yeah, and we're proud of it, too!

Sam the Eagle: Why am I here?

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Gonzo: This is not a good place for turkeys!

Turkey: Not to worry. I'm a survivor.

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Turkey: Where's my room?

Gonzo: If you're not careful, it'll be in the oven. See you at dinner.

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Rowlf: I've been chasing the truck all the way, and boy am I exhausted.

[laughs]

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Fozzie Bear: Kermit, now can I tell you about my new act?

Kermit: I'm all ears.

[hears Sprocket barking]

Kermit: Now what can that be?

Fozzie Bear: What does he mean he's all ears? Frogs don't even have ears!

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Kermit: [halting Gonzo and Turkey's argument] Hark! What do I hear?

Gonzo: You're about to hear me make some turkey hash!

Kermit: No, no, listen: me thinks me hears carolers!

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Snowman: [to Doc] You'll be sorry! It's cold enough to freeze your Winnebago!

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Floyd: [seeing Miss Piggy arriving with Doc] Yeah, and she don't look bad... for a pig.

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Maureen the Mink: Hi, I'm Maureen the Mink.

Miss Piggy: What?

Kermit: She said, "Hi, I'm Maureen the Mink."

Miss Piggy: I HEARD HER! I HEARD HER!

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Gonzo: Camila's MY girlfriend!

Turkey: You've gotta be kiddin'. You're not even a bird!

Gonzo: Well, nobody's perfect.

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Emily 'Ma' Bear: I'm afraid we're running out of room. Two of you will have to sleep on hangers on a hook on the wall.

Gonzo: What a fabulous idea!

Animal: Love hanger! Love hanger!

[laughs]

Floyd: That's the only way Animal ever sleeps, ma'am.

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Fozzie Bear: See, Mom? I told you it'd be easy!

Emily 'Ma' Bear: They're weirdos, Fozzie.

Fozzie Bear: Yeah?

Emily 'Ma' Bear: But, they're nice weirdos.

Fozzie Bear: Yeah.

[chuckles quietly]

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Emily 'Ma' Bear: Aren't they adorable?

Oscar the Grouch: Hey, don't encourage them!

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Statler: Well, you know what they say...

Waldorf: If you can't stand the heat, get outta the farmhouse!

[they laugh]

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Statler: These two comics were made for each other.

Waldorf: Hm?

Statler: The snowman's ice cold, and the bear's not so hot!

[they laugh]

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Rowlf: [seeing a piano after his arrival] Aha! Just what I was lookin' for! Look at this little beauty.

[begins playing "Sleight Ride" on it, but it sounds awful]

Rowlf: Whoa-hoa, boy, is this piano outta tune!

[to the camera]

Rowlf: I *love* outta tune pianos...

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Emily 'Ma' Bear: There. Fozzie's stocking is hung by the mantle so Santa will bring him a present.

Fozzie Bear: Aw, Ma, this is embarrassing. I mean, I'm not a cub anymore, I'm a grown bear.

Emily 'Ma' Bear: Oh. Well, I'll take it down.

Fozzie Bear: Oh no, I didn't say that.

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Robin: Speaking of presents, Grover, I'd like you to have this Fraggle pebble.

[gives the Fraggle pebble to Grover]

Grover: [gasps in astonishment as he accepts the pebble] This Fraggle pebble here is for *me*? Oh, I just love Christmas!

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Jim Henson: [as the Muppets sing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas", he watches from the kitchen door] Well, they certainly seem to be having a good time out there, Sprocket.

[Sprocket barks]

Jim Henson: Yep, I like it when they have a good time. But tell you what, somebody'll have to do something about these dishes, Sprocket. C'mon. I'll wash, you dry, okay?

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Oscar the Grouch: Hey everybody, quiet down! There's a bulletin on TV!

The Newsman: And now, for this news flash: the worst blizzard in 50 years is approaching us at a great rate. The Weather Service reports that barometers are falling sharply.

[a lot of wooden barometers crash on him]

The Newsman: Oh no! Whoa...

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Bert: Ernie, why must you always humiliate me?

Ernie: C'mon, Bert. Somebody has to play MaMa, and you lost the toss.

Bert: Oh, well, just get it over with.

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Kermit: Another crisis solved.

Robin: Yeah, there sure are a lot of us here.

Kermit: Well, all families start to come together.

Robin: We always get together at Christmas.

Kermit: Yeah, life would just pass in a blur if it weren't for times like this.

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Robin: [as he and Kermit search for Fraggles at Fraggle Rock] Do you think this is really Fraggle Rock?

Kermit: Well, I don't know, but if I were a Fraggle, this is the kind of place I'd hang out.

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Doc: Sprocket and I came here to spend Christmas alone, but this is better!

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Waldorf: After all, there's no business like *snow* business!

[he and Statler laugh]

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Janice: [bringing out a basket of Christmas cookies] Hey, everybody, look what I've got: Christmas cookies!

Cookie Monster: COOKIE!

[gobbles up the whole basket, as Animal watches in amazement]

Cookie Monster: Oh, thank you!

Janice: Who was that strange blue creature?

Animal: Dat my kinda fella! Ahahahahaha!

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Gonzo: C'mon, put up your wings, Turkey Toes!

Turkey: Why're you pulling my leg, Hose Nose?

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Rowlf: Oh, Mrs. Bear, I've been chasin' the truck, and boy-whoa!

[slips on the icy patch]

Emily 'Ma' Bear: [as Rowlf gets up] Oh, my. I guess Fozzie didn't tell you about the icy patch.

Rowlf: No, I guess he didn't. Anyway, my name's Rowlf the dog; I've come for the holidays.

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Kermit: Well, everybody, it's Christmas Eve and the tree is trimmed, so it's time for our annual carol sing. Take it, Rowlf.

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Doc: [the doorbell rings, then he enters the house as Santa] Ho ho ho!

All Muppets: [cheering and shouting indistinctly] Merry Christmas, everyone!

Doc: Merry Christmas, everyone!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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