Andie: Like, do blondes, like, do they really have more fun?
Andie: True or False: All's fair in love and war.
Andie: Great answer.
Ben: Good question!
Andie: Benny boo boo... boo boo boo!
Ben: Let's take a break because the woman is driving me crazy.
Tony: Which woman? Andie or Princess Sophia?
[Andie is holding a tissue in front of Ben's face]
Andie: C'mon, blow. Nobody likes a Mr. Sniffles.
Tony: Yeah, uh, I hate Mr. Sniffles.
Ben: Rarely, Interested?
Andie: Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?
Ben: Who's Princess Sophia?
[Andie points at his crotch]
Andie: Little, big, little, big... I don't know... we will find out!
Ben: You can't name my member... Princess Sophia.
Andie: Yes, I can!
Ben: If you are gonna name my... member, you have to name it something hyper masculine. Something like Spike, or Butch, or Krull the Warrior King!
Tony: [Andie has given Ben a Burberry button-down shirt in their signature plaid] It looks like the inside of a raincoat!
Thayer: That it?
Tony: That's it?
Ben: [points to purse on desk] That's it.
Tony: Have you looked inside?
Thayer: Do you have an ethical problem with rifling through a woman's purse?
Ben: Uhh, yeah, I guess I do.
Tony: Well, it's hardly a purse, dude, it's more like a... clutch or something.
Ben: Guys, a woman's purse, alright, it's her secret source of power. Alright? There are many dark and dangerous things in there, that we, the male species, should know nothing about.
DeLauer Security: Look, just give me back the necklace, then you guys can go on and kill each other.
Ben: [to himself, on his balcony, waving goodbye to Andy before she gets in her cab] You're already falling in love with me.
Andie: I'm gonna make you wish you were dead.
[blows away a kiss to Ben up on his balcony]
Andie: Poor guy.
Thayer: Is she on something?
Ben: God I hope so.
[Moves his finger in circles next to his head, to indicate that he thinks Andie is crazy]
Andie: Are you saying I'm some kind of mental person?
[Andie is holding a platter of veggies and flings them at the guys and the middle of the poker table, then tosses the platter onto the table]
Ben: That's what I'm talking about. Where's the sexy, cool, fun, smart, beautiful Andie that I knew? The one that wanted to be a serious journalist? You're up, you're down, you're here, you're there, you're like a frickin' one woman circus.
Andie: You can't lose something you never had.
Ben: That's what I was, huh? I was your guinea pig, somebody you can test your theories on.
Andie: And I was just a girl somebody picked out in a bar
Ben: Yeah, so what, big deal? Hell, now you can even use it as a little twist in your story
Andie: That's a good idea, maybe we should bet on it
Ben: You know what, you did your job now Andie
Andie: Yes I did
Ben: You wanted to lose a guy in 10 days, congratulations you did it. You just lost him
Andie: No I didn't Ben, cause you can't lose something you never had!
Michelle Rubin: Why this place?
Jeannie Ashcroft: It's perfect. Hi, Ingrid.
Mullen's Hostess: Hi.
Jeannie Ashcroft: Mullen's is the apres-work watering hole for the upwardly mobile.
Andie: Why do they always forget my bacon?
Jeannie Ashcroft: I can't believe you got that guy knocked out.
Andie: Only for a few seconds.
Lana Jong: Andie, I am loving your notes on this piece.
Andie: [with her mouth full] Thank you, Lana.
Lana Jong: When are you seeing him again?
Andie: Tonight. He's inviting me over to his house for dinner.
Lana Jong: Excellent! I've got a feeling about this one.
Michelle Rubin: I hate it when she pops her head in like that.
Andie: I never noticed it.
Lana Jong: A-hem. I heard that. And Andie, tonight take smaller bites.
Andie: Thank you, Lana.
Michelle Rubin: Oh, my God!
Jeannie Ashcroft: Disgusting! I can barely eat over here.
[Andie takes an even bigger bite]
Andie: Hey, listen, Sparky. I have a masters in journalism from Columbia, my boss loves me, and if I do it her way for a while, I can write about whatever I want.
Ben: Like, shoes?
[Ben is trying to find words to be used as metaphors for diamonds]
Ben: How about 'Glitter'?
Tony: Thayer's favorite movie.
Thayer: It was underrated!
Ben: You see, the key to this game is being able to read people.
Glenda: Now Andie, I hope you know that we expect you to come back here because you have held Ben to his lowest bullshit score since his tonsillectomy and we are thrilled!
Andie: Why were all his other girlfriends bullshit losers?
Glenda: What other girlfriends? You are the first girl he ever brought home! Don't you break his heart now!
Several characters: Bullshit!
Andie: [Crying at restaurant after waitress asks if everything is okay] My boyfriend thinks I'm fat!
[Flicks food at him]
Andie: And I can't eat in front of him! I can't eat in front of you! I have to go to the bathroom.
Ben: [Receives dirty looks from other customers] Honey, I don't think you're fat! I don't think she's fat!
[Andie is making Ben's place all girly. She's put "chick" CDs in his CD player]
Andie: Sheryl, Tori, Sinead, Jewel, Fiona, Carly... Gang's all here!
Ben: Look, look, look, wait a minute. The one night we even thought about having sex, all right, she up and decides she's going to nickname my...
Michelle Rubin: Penis?
Ben: Yeah. "Princess Sophia." You want to talk about shooting a man's horse? Whop! Come on!
Andie: I love you Binky... but I don't have to like you right now.
Michelle Rubin: So, tell me, how long have you guys been seeing each other?
Andie: Seven days.
Michelle Rubin: Seven days. Interesting.
Ben: Is that too soon to be seeing a therapist?
Andie: Well, Ben, seven days isn't like a lifetime, or anything...
Ben: It's like a week.
Sensitive Moviegoer: Now, I'm going to go back inside and finish watching "Sleepless in Seattle". Nobody screw with me.
Tony: Drunk and tone-deaf. Never a good combination.
Jeannie Ashcroft: [reading] "And only then will the people of Tajikistan know true and lasting peace." Andie, it's brilliant. It's really moving. But it's never going to appear in Composure Magazine.
Ben: Look who made the trip with me.
Andie: It's our love fern! Oh, Bennie-boo-boo, boo-boo.
Thayer: We, you know, we got a whole bunch of work we have to do, but we're still on for poker at your house this weekend?
Ben: Oh, you count on it.
Andie: Whoo! Boys' night.
Ben: Excuse me, ma'am.
Jeannie Ashcroft: Holy crap!
Ben: Where's Andie Anderson?
Jeannie Ashcroft: Uh, she's not here
Ben: Where is she?
Michelle Rubin: She quit.
Jeannie Ashcroft: She's got an interview in Washington.
Ben: When is she leaving?
Jeannie Ashcroft: Today.
Jeannie Ashcroft: Well, like, now.
Ben: You're not a therapist, aren't you?
Michelle Rubin: Uh. No.
Ben: Good job, though. You owe me three hundred bucks.
Andie: I have to crack this guy. I mean this is Defcon 5, and I have to do something truly appalling. It's not funny.
[Michelle and Jeanie laugh even harder]
Michelle Rubin: Oh, you are never going to pull this off.
Andie: Watch me. Tonight, I'll hook a guy. Tomorrow, pull the switch. Before the ten days are up, I'm going to have this guy running for his life.
Jeannie Ashcroft: You're not going to burn his apartment down or bite him, or anything?
Andie: No! I'm going to limit myself to doing everything girls do wrong in relationships. Basically, everything we know guys hate. I'll be clingy, needy...
Jeannie Ashcroft: Be touchy-feely.
Jeannie Ashcroft: Ooh, call him in the middle of the night and tell him everything you had to eat that day.
Michelle Rubin: What's wrong with that?
[Andie & Jeanie stare at Michelle]
Michelle Rubin: I'm kidding.
Tony: Couples therapy, it'll buy you at least four days.
Lana Jong: Who's that chic Buddhist Richard Gere is always cavorting with?
Jeannie Ashcroft: The Dali Lama?
Lana Jong: He's fabulous!
Andie: I don't think I can be with someone who doesn't like animals and thinks I'm a mental person
[waves her fingers and goes cross eyed]
[Andie starts crying when Ben places food in front of her]
Ben: Hey, what's wrong?
Andie: Nothing. It's beautiful.
Ben: Thank you.
Andie: You're beautiful. The game, the whole thing. It's just... I wish I ate meat. Mary had a little lamb, little lamb. You have to take it away before I gag.
[Andie almost vomits]
Jeannie Ashcroft: Drama, drama, drama.
Jack: [Jack is introducing Andie to the family] You gotta watch him, he farts like a howitzer. But he's family, what are you gonna do?
Uncle Arnold: Intestinal complication!
Andie: I'm taking this love fern with me!