Corky Romano (2001)
Corky: I never thought I'd live to see the day that an FBI agent would be peddling smack.
Agent Brick Davis: Don't act so surprised. J. Edgar Hoover used to wear a dress.
Corky: Just tell me why, Brick.
Agent Brick Davis: I don't know. I suppose it made him feel sexy.
Corky: Not Hoover, You.
Agent Brick Davis: I can't call you by your first name because I'm not a part of your "Groovy Tie Squad"?
Agent Terrence Darnell: ...No, it's because you're an asshole.
Agent Brick Davis: I am not an asshole!
Agent Terrence Darnell: ...Yeah, ya are. Everyone thinks you are. Even your wife- why do you think she left you?
[after setting off an airport metal detector]
Corky: I'm just a little wired.
Corky: Ahh, I'm mean wired as in jumpy, not as in there's a concealed wire in my crotch.
Skinhead: [holds up gun] Whadya want bitch?
Corky: I was wondering if I could purchase some heroin and then we could go out and do some hate crimes and stuff.
[skinhead rips off Corky's shirt reveiling his wire]
Agent Brick Davis: You do speak Manderain, don't you?
Corky: Oh yes. I just didn't understand your accent. See, I was taught by an up scale family, su su sudio.
Howard Shuster: That Mr. Shuster to you.
Agent Brick Davis: Oh what? I can't call you Howard because I'm not a member of the groovy tie squad?
Leo: Who's this guy?
Corky: That's Brick Davis
Peter: Is he the guy with the muscular thighs and the nice tan?
[All look at him]
Francis A. 'Pops' Romano: Come here, you fricken retard.
Peter: [to paulie] Oh yeah, at least I can read the labels you illiterate mook.
Boy with Mouse: Can you help my mouse. I think hes sick.
Tony: Sure. I make him good as new.
[Throws out dead mouse and puts in a new one]
Tony: Here ya go kid. He just needed a new liver.
Boy with Mouse: How much?
Tony: How much you got?
Dexter, Computer Hacker: What should his name be?
Peter: I don't care what you call him pissant. Just get it done.
Corky: Oh, for my résumé I'm really good with animals.
Peter: [Pointing a gun at Agent Davis' back] Who the hell are you?
Agent Brick Davis: Agent Brick Davis
Peter: Oh. Freeze prick
Paulie Romano: Get me a cup of the, uhh... rocky road there.
Ice Cream Vendor: Sir all of our flavors are on that sign there.
Paulie Romano: Oh, then just get me a cup of the pistachio.
Peter: Paulie, come on already.
Paulie Romano: Shut up.
Paulie Romano: [back to ice cream vendor]
Paulie Romano: Okay just get me the rum raisin then.
Ice Cream Vendor: The sign.
Paulie Romano: What are you lookin' at, huh? You suck. You suck suck suck.