Yu-Gi-Oh! (I) (2000–2006)
Seto Kaiba: I'm here to kick ass and chew gum. And I'm all out of gum...
Seto Kaiba: Anyone who's late for registration will be disqualified. Mokuba, make sure Wheeler's late.
Solomon Moto: I play the magic card, Ancient City!
Joey Wheeler: What is that thing?
Solomon Moto: Well, as the card's name suggests, it's an ancient city.
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: [after beating Dartz] Well guys, let's go home! There's probably some new evil psycho waiting for us back there!
Tristan Taylor: That sad thing is, he's probably right.
Seto Kaiba: When will thse people learn this is only a card game?
[looks at the Millennium Eye on his desk, and holds it up to eye level]
Seto Kaiba: What are you looking at? You think you can change my mind? I am *not* flying to Egypt.
Seto Kaiba: Look at me, I'm talking to some antique golden eyeball.
Pegasus: What, no hello, no how are you? I thought we were friends, Kaiba-boy. Don't tell me that kidnapping your little brother and seizing control of Kaiba Corp. has put a rift between us. It was nothing personal.
[Joey goes to eat a mushroom growing on a tree]
Yugi Moto: No, Joey, wild mushrooms are poisonous!
Mai Valentine: [enters] So do us all a favor and let him eat it!
Joey Wheeler: I'm such a sensitiiiiivvve guy!
Tristan Taylor: ...When you're not being a pain...
Tea Garnder: Which is... most of the time...
Joey Wheeler: Ah, my adoring fans...
Seto Kaiba: Hmm. Blah-blah-blah. Don't you get tired of making the same speech every time you're faced with a challenge? Stop saving the world and get a hobby!
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: [being attacked by bats at an amusement park exhibit] Guys! Anytime you want to jump in and help!
Tea Garnder: Should we tell him they're only holograms?
Tristan Taylor: And spoil the fun?
Raphael: Here Pharaoh. We have a present for you.
[tosses Rex and Weevil's Soul Cards to Yami]
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: Oh yeah?
[shakes a fist]
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: Well I got a gift for you too! Come down here, it's the gift that keeps on giving!
Valon: [laughs] I like thise bloke, he reminds me of meself! Only dumber and not quite as attractive.
Joey Wheeler: I don't say this as often as I should Tea... but you're one of the bravest people I know.
Seto Kaiba: If you dorks start holding hands, I'm outta here.
Joey Wheeler: Maybe you wouldn't say that if you actually *had* any friends!
Tristan Taylor: Dude, that was harsh.
Joey Wheeler: Oh, like he didn't deserve it?
Yugi Moto: Just once I'd like to duel in a tournament for the thrill of it and not have to worry about who's trying to take over the world!
[from the Japanese version, after changing to Yami Yugi]
Y?gi: Now... it's game time.
Pegasus: And my guess is that the card you're about to play is: Blue-Eyes White Dragon!...
Pegasus: Was I right? I know I was right. Oh, please tell me I was right. I was right, wasn't I?
Yugi Moto: Now I will go on the attack with Mammoth Graveyard, Polymerization, and the Living Arrow card.
Seto Kaiba: What's a Living Arrow card?
Yugi Moto: I tell you. Normally, I make a fusion with my cards but for a change, Living Arrow allows me to fuse my cards with my opponent's cards opening up bold new possibilites. Now I will use the magic of the Living Arrow to fuse my Mammoth Graveyard to the heart of your beast. However, since my Mammoth Graveyard is an undead type monster, it can't properly fuse with your living Ultimate Dragon. Instead, it will cause your dragon to rot and decay from the inside out and since Mammoth Graveyard has a total of 1200 attack points, that means your Dragon will lose 1200 attack and defense points each turn until even my weakest monsters can destroy it.
[Yugi is being badly beaten in his duel with Mai]
Tea Garnder: Yugi! You can still turn this around. I know you can!
Joey Wheeler: Uh... yeah, it only *looks* hopeless!
Mai Valentine: Oh. It's the attack of the three toed hairball.
Joey Wheeler: Mai was fine with herself until you came along and brainwashed her.
Valon: I already told you. Mai did this of her own free will.
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: Just put it on my tab, Gramps.
Solomon Moto: Your tab's past due, Joey.
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: Then put it on Tristan's.
Tristan Taylor: [trapped in a monkey's body; Joey and Duke are steering a rail car] Speed it up, you wimps!
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: Easy for you to say, Mr. My-Arms-Are-Too-Short-To-Drive!
Mokuba Kaiba: I asked Yugi and his friends for help.
Seto Kaiba: You did what? You know how I feel about Yugi!
Mokuba Kaiba: But who else was I supposed to turn to?
Seto Kaiba: Anyone else!
Tristan Taylor: [thinking] I'll ask Serenity if she wants to look at the romantic view with me.
Duke Devlin, Raphael, Valon: Hey, Serenity, want to check out the view?
Tristan Taylor: Hey, that was my line!
Seto Kaiba: It's the latest state-of-the-art system that recreates the virtual dueling arena setting anywhere.
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: Looks like a regular old briefcase to me.
Seto Kaiba: It's in the briefcase, you moron.
Gozaboro Kaiba: I treated you better than I treated my own son!
Seto Kaiba: Thanks for nothing.
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: [as Yugi summons Obelisk the Tormentor when Marik has nothing to protect himself] Look at Marik, he's so scared of Obelisk, his hair is standin' on end! Oh wait, he always looks like that!
Marik Ishtar: Tea. I need your help one more time.
Marik Ishtar, Tea Garnder: [Through Tea] Pharoah. I need you do me this one favor. I want you to destroy that body. I'm sorry for all of the things that I did to you and your friends. I don't care what happens to me as long as he doesn't get his hands on the millenium items. Please just do me this one last favor. Destroy my body.
Seto Kaiba: [to Zigfried] Instead of turning you in for fraud and trespassing, I'll let you go, on one condition. Get out of my life, and take your bad hair with you! And if your overpriced shoes come anywhere near me again, I'll destroy what's left of your pathetic company!
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: This tournament's gotten way outta hand. Know why?
Duke Devlin, Raphael, Valon: [refering to Marik] Because there's a mind warping psycho on board?
Duke Devlin, Raphael, Valon: [everyone gives him a dirty look] Just being honest.
Yami Bakura: Not only are you about to lose this duel; but when I'm through with you, you'll lose so much more...
Tea Garnder: I've been giving this same friendship speech for years. Hasn't it sunk in yet?
Seto Kaiba: Now I will create a Duel Monster without peer by combining my three Blue Eyes White Dragons with my Polymerization card to create... The Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon 4500/3800.
Katsuya Jonouchi: [holding out hand to Jean Claude Magnum] Hello! How do you do? I no you no very-very fan, ne!
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: Go, Drumsticks!
Mai Valentine: Uh, guys? Joey named his chicken.
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: It's a Nematory, Mai!
Mai Valentine: Whatever.
Duke Devlin, Raphael, Valon: Start working on your retirement speech.
Mai Valentine: Hey! Cross on the green, not in between!
Duke Devlin, Raphael, Valon: Sorry, but we're being chased by a bunch of robed weirdos!
Joey Wheeler: I'm not cryin'! I just got somethin' in my eye... Stupid thing won't come out...
Mai Valentine: Harpies, give that monster our kind of make over!
Joey Wheeler: This dream just gets weirder and weirder. It's almost as nuts as that nightmare I had about the monkey and that bowl of vanilla pudding.
Noah: Now, are you going to attack me or not? If you do, just remember, you'll be striking Mokuba!
Seto Kaiba: You punk!
Noah: Well, Seto, attack and you'll win the duel. But at what cost?
Duke Devlin, Raphael, Valon: This is a no brainer. Kaiba has to attack him and win this duel.
Noah: What's it gonna be? Your victory or Mokuba?
Seto Kaiba: All right, kid. I'll end my turn.
Yugi Moto: I thought so.
Noah: So, you think I'm insane for wanting to claim what's rightfully mine?
Seto Kaiba: No, I think you're insane for trapping me in a virtual computer program and forcing me to duel you!
Noah: [over an intercom on the train Seto's riding] May I have your attention, please. All passengers who have stolen family empires from their rightful owners, prepare to exit at the next stop.
Katsuya Jonouchi: Some bavarian cream would be great right now...
Katsuya Jonouchi: [suddenly reaches above him] Gigantic donut!
Katsuya Jonouchi: [while sleeping] Hey!
Bakura Ryou: [trying to steal Jonouchi's card so he can join in the Duelist Kingdom finals]
Katsuya Jonouchi: [sleepily] That's my pizza.
Seto Kaiba: Yugi! I will not be defeated at my own tournament!
Yugi Moto: Kaiba! You're too late. Dark Paladin attack!
Marik Ishtar, Yami Marik, Rare Hunter, Strings, Umbra, Gozaboro Kaiba: As long as Revival Jam remains on the field, you'll never get to my life points! Revival jam will always reform!
Yami Yugi: So I can't attack?
Marik Ishtar, Yami Marik, Rare Hunter, Strings, Umbra, Gozaboro Kaiba: You can. It just won't work.
Marik Ishtar, Yami Marik, Rare Hunter, Strings, Umbra, Gozaboro Kaiba: Great beast of the sky please hear my cry / Transform thyself from orb of light and bring me victory in this fight / Envelope the desert with your glow and cast your rage upon my foe / Unlock your powers from deep within so that together we may win / Appear in this Shadow Game as I call your name / Winged Dragon of Ra!
Dartz: [after Kaiba loses his soul] The score stands: Orichalcos 1, Seto Kaiba, zip.
Yami Bakura, Yami Yugi, Marik Ishtar, Yami Marik, Rare Hunter, Strings, Umbra, Gozaboro Kaiba: Let the Shadow Game begin!
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: [looking at the Pharaoh's Tablet] I may be stating the obvious here, but that looks just like Yugi!
Tristan Taylor: It says 'Tablet of the Pharaoh'.
Yami Yugi: Yes. That Pharaoh... is me.
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: This part always confuses me.
Tea Garnder: Let's do it!
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: Yeah!... what are we doing?
Tristan Taylor: We're being there for Yugi!
Joey Wheeler, Shadi: Riiiight... by doing what exactly?
Seto Kaiba: What have you done to Mokuba?
Bakura Yami: Well, I *could* tell you where his immortal soul is, but then, you don't believe in the Shadow Realm.
Yugi Moto: [Bakura rides by, followed by Yami Yugi] Look guys, it's the Pharaoh!
Bobasa: [Slifer the Sky Dragon flies past] And *that* is a big red dragon!
Joey Wheeler: This sorta thing used to surprise me. Now, not so much.
Yami Bakura: Now for the fun part
[purple clouds begin to float across the field, as Kaiba looks around apprehensively]
Yami Bakura: What's wrong, there's no such thing as magic, right? And those visions you've been having, they don't exist either, do they?
Seto Kaiba: Not this Egyptian speech again. When will you people learn that I focus on the future? I don't waste my time worrying about the past!
Yami Bakura: That attitude of your hasn't changed in over 5000 years.