Memorable quotes for
The Princess Diaries (2001) More at IMDbPro »

Joe: This is between a waltz and a tango.
Mia: It's a wango?

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Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Amelia, you look so... young.
Mia: Thank you. And you look so...
[long pause]
Mia: ... clean.

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Michael: Why me?
Mia: Because you saw me when I was invisible.

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Mia: Okay, you know what? I don't feel protected. You try living for 15 years thinking that you're one person, and then in five minute, you find out you're a princess. Just in case I wasn't enough of a freak already, let's add a tiara!

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Joe: I have never worn pantyhose but it sounds very dangerous.

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Mia: I don't want to rule my own country, I just want to pass the tenth grade.

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Mia: I can't be a princess! I'm still waiting for normal body parts to arrive!

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[running to catch up Mia and Michael]
Lilly: [screaming] WAIT FOR ME WAIT FOR ME!
[Two others teenagers stop, and look at her]
Lilly: Wait. Wait. No, not you - I don't even know you!

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Lilly: Michael, don't always think you could get a ride with us and...
[sees Mia's new look]
Lilly: Oy. Who destroyed you?
Mia: Oh. You-you think it looks that bad?
Lilly: You look ridiculous. You should sue.
Mia: Well um... I know it's a little straighter and shorter and...
Lilly: Weirder!
[Get's in limo]
Michael: An attractive weirder.
Lilly: No, it's not attractive!
Joe: Seat belts, please.
Lilly: What I really can't understand is that you ditched me again yesterday when I really needed your help at the greenpeace petition.
[picks up bag]
Lilly: These bags! You HAVE one of these bags? You know, we could hock that and feed a whole third world country!
[Looks at Michael]
Lilly: Am I right?
Michael: No.
Joe: If there are no more passengers, I think we should close the door.

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Mia: [to her cat, Fat Louis] You are so lucky you don't know who your parents are.

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Mia: Joseph, can we eighty-six the flags please?
Joe: No. The flags allow me to park anywhere. We keep the flags.
Mia: Sorry, Joseph.
Joe: You can call me, "Joe".
Mia: "Joey"?
[Giggles]
Joe: [Chuckles then abruptly turns serious] No. Joe.

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Mia: You'll never guess what Josh Bryant just asked me!
Michael: "Can I borrow a comb"?

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Lilly: You're morphing into one of them! Next week you'll be waving pom-poms in my face!

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Queen Clarisse Renaldi: You are princess of Genovia.
Mia: Me, a princess?
[shouts]
Mia: Shut up!
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: I beg your pardon, "Shut up"?
Consulate Maitre'D: Oh, your majesty, in America, it doesn't always mean to be quiet. Here it could mean "Wow, gee whiz, golly wolly"...

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Mia: I can't do this, I'm a girl.
Gym Teacher Harbula: What am I? A duck?

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Lilly: You know you look like Shaft?

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Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Goodbye, trolley people!

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Fontana: Tell me Mia. Is it true about your speech? Are you really speaking at the bulimic convention?
Lana Thomas: So you can speak and barf at the same time?
[Fontana makes vomiting noises]

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Vice Principal Gupta: Oh come on girls, it's a ball not a snake. Back in formation!

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Helen Thermopolis: Where are you going?
Mia: I'm going up to straighten the royal bedchamber.

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Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Where is she going?
Helen Thermopolis: The tower. Mia! You can't run from everything!
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: She has a tower?

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Mia: As always, this is as good as it's going to get.

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Mia: [on her green bathing suit] Okay I look like an asparagus.
Helen Thermopolis: But a very, very cute asparagus!

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Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Helen, if Amelia refuses to accept the throne, then Genovia will cease to exist as we know it.
Helen Thermopolis: So the future of your country is in the hands my 15-year-old?

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Mia: You know most kids hope for a car for their 16th birthday, not a country!

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Helen Thermopolis: This is getting us nowhere! Talk to me!
Mia: I can't talk to you right now. I'm late for a meeting with my guidance counselor.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: I'm late for a meeting with Spain and Portugal!

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Helen Thermopolis: Mia, the-the three of us have to talk.
Mia: Oh, OK. Um, is there maybe something else about me and my life that just maybe I might want to know about? Um-oh no, are you two waiting to take me on a talk show somewhere and to let me know I have a twin sister who's a duchess?
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: You have a cousin who's a contessa. Fondly known as Bartholomew. Actually, we call him Pookie.

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Helen Thermopolis: That Backstreet boy clone you've had a crush on for years?

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Mia: Hey Joe? Can we park a block away from school? I really don't want to cause a riot with this hearse.
Joe: This is a non-riot hearse. And if it were a hearse there would be silence in the backseat.

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Mia: Hey, Joe?
Joe: Mm-Hmmm?
Mia: I'm gonna turn the backseat into a dressing room so I can change into a proper outfit for Madame, OK?
Joe: OK. And don't forget your shoes.
Mia: Ahh, thanks.
Joe: Strange town, San Francisco. When I purchased the pumps, they asked if I wanted them wrapped or if I was going to wear them.

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[plucking Mia's eyebrows]
Paolo: If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx their child would have your eyebrows!

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Michael: Don't worry about me. I just consider myself royally flushed.

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Lilly: Is your mom dating an undertaker?

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Paolo: Do you wear contact lenses?
Mia: Well I have them but I don't really like to wear them.
Paolo: [breaks her glasses] Now you do.
Mia: You broke my glasses!
Paolo: You broke my brush.

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Mia: [driving in the rain] Is this punishment for driving without a licensed driver in the front seat?
[lies down on the front seat]
Mia: I am invisible, and I am wet.

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Mia: Tell me, how does my mother, or any person for that matter, go into a parent/teacher conference and come out with a date?

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911 Nun: 911, I'd like to report an accident... They put me on hold!
911 Nun: Oh, for the love of God!

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[trying to recall the names of Lana and friends]
Joe: Anna, Falana, Banana, Bandana, Montana...

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Eduard Christoff Philippe GÈrard Renaldi, Prince of Genovia: Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.

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Vice Principal Gupta: [PA announcement] Will the Feng Shui Club please stop rearranging the tables on the lawn.

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[first lines]
Helen Thermopolis: Time for school! Stop daydreaming, you'll be late for school.

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[last lines]
Joe: Princess, look out the window, and welcome to Genovia.

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Fontana, Lana Thomas, Cheerleader Anna: Hey there, ho there, how do you do. This is Grove Lions sayin' hi to you.
Lana Thomas: I'm Lana.
Cheerleader Anna: Anna
Fontana: Fontana
Fontana, Lana Thomas, Cheerleader Anna: Go Lions!

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Paolo: I love your eyebrows! We'll call them Frida and Kahlo.

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Joe: [speaking to Mia] Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

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Vice Principal Gupta: Gupta... mmhh... mmhh... mmhh. The Queen is coming... to Grove High School.

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Lana Thomas: Stupid Cupid, you're a real mean guy. I'd like to clip your wings so you can't fly. I'm in love and it's a crying shame. And I know you're the one to blame. Hey Hey set me free. Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me.
Cheerleader Anna, Fontana: [backround singing] Stupid cupid.

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student: [PA announcement] Remember, virtual homework may not be submitted for actual credit.

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Mia: Now, what did you want to tell me?
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Something that, I think, will have a very big impact upon your life.
Mia: I already have braces.
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: No, it's bigger than orthodontia.

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Queen Clarisse Renaldi: So, where are you taking me?
Mia: Well, uh, do you have any change?
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: No. It's not appropriate for royalty to jingle.
Mia: Okay, I'll get the change.
[cuts to a game arcade]

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Joe: No matter how many times you press that button it will still go up and down the same way.

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Mia: Somebody sat on me again.

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Lilly: Michael, can you please pretend you have a life for just one moment?

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Paolo: [removes Mia's glasses] Do you wear contact lenses?
Mia: Oh, I have them, but I don't like to wear them.
Paolo: Now...
[he breaks her glasses in half]
Paolo: ...you do.
Mia: [shocked] You broke my glasses!
Paolo: You broke my brush.

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Lilly: The student body may be morally bankrupt, but that doesn't mean they're blind!

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