Boston Public (2000–2004)
Harry Senate: Well, of all the causes to take up, AIDS, cancer... hunger, poverty. I've always felt there was something special about people who commit themselves to guns. Anyone I suppose could contribute to a shelter or help the needy, but it takes a true American to dedicate himself to firearms. And you know what? We need people like you. Our country's getting a bad rep just because we kill each other. Well, that's manly... shooting people. United States, this is were men live. Australia, all their stupid bragging about how tough they are in the outback. They get about... 15 gun homicides a year. What the hell is that? We get ten thousand. The Japanese are even more pathetic. In 1999 for kids between 15 and 19 they didn't have one handgun murder, not one! We had over five thousand! Our teenagers are tough, but it can't happen unless we get the guns out there into their hands and for that we need committed, good people like all of you. Look at these idiots in Washington who think it's wrong for teenagers to have assault rifles. And the stupid Democrats think we should have ten day waiting periods. What happens if you need to kill somebody today? Next thing the government will try to crack down on incest and we won't be able to breed future NRA members. I mean, we are talking about the toothless illiterates that makes this country great. This is America. Get a gun!
Lauren Davis: I got hit with a breast implant and suddenly I'm a racist?
[female students are taking off their bras and hanging them from lockers]
Harry Senate: Lipschultz told them to wear their bras for the good of the country. Turns out they're a bunch of Communist sluts.
[after Harry Senate knocked out a student, in self-defense]
Scott Guber: Do you think this is funny?
Harry Senate: No, funny would be if I knocked you out, Scott.
Steven Harper: And you, punching a woman?
Danny Hanson: Not for nothing, but Title IX says we can hit them now.
Sheryl Holt: Well, I could join the "Gwyneth Club"
[shows three girls who look exactly like Gwyneth Paltrow]
Marla Hendricks: And don't be going around dressed up as some silly, old rabbi either. Everybody's laughin'.
Scott Guber: I was unrecognizable.
Marla Hendricks: Well, maybe it was somebody dressed as you dressed as a silly, old rabbi, but everybody's laughin' Scott.
Marla Hendricks: These kids, the only way they're going to be all they can be is to join the Marines. There're echoes where their brains should be.
Scott Guber: Well, they're smart enough to fool you, Marla.
[Guber's dressed as a rabbi]
Scott Guber: Ssh! I'm undercover.
Steven Harper: Yeah, I can see that.
Scott Guber: This is a serious operation. Steven, please, go away. I'll explain later.
Scott Guber: The little man has been spotted on school grounds. I've got out an all-points bulletin.
Steven Harper: How'd he get past security?
Scott Guber: Went right under them!
Harvey Lipschultz: You must harness your bosoms in order to squash the discrimination by the male gonads.
Marla Hendricks: A good man, a good principle would be sensitive to that.
Steven Harper: I'm not.
Marla Hendricks: You're a fat, bald, grump, that's why.
Marilyn Sudor: Women are so dumb, Steven, you know that? Okay, what would you do if somebody hit you?
Steven Harper: Well, I'd like to say I'd turn the other cheek, but I'd probably hit 'em back.
Marilyn Sudor: Yeah, turning the other cheek is overrated, Steven, take it from me. She's gonna marry that guy, you know what? Screw it.
Steven Harper: You're the last person in the world I'd thought would turn bitter.
Marilyn Sudor: Oh, I'm way past bitter. He's gonna beat the hell out of her, he's gonna break her spirit again and again, and you know what? Maybe they'll have kids, a baby boy, that would be perfect right? Then they can raise another man in this world you thinks it's okay to hit women, as long as he's really sorry afterwards!
Harvey Lipschultz: I can't keep up with this! First they were negroes. Then they were colored. Then they were black. Now they're African-Americans. Why don't I just avoid all controversy and just call them African-American black colored negroes?
[Harvey has just found out that he has an African American son]
Louisa Fenn: Harvey, I'm half-black.
Harvey Lipschultz: Am I your father?
Louisa Fenn: No. My father was black. My mother's white. I'm a mulatto.
Harvey Lipschultz: You're a cookie?
Steven Harper: When listening to Harry Senate complain about Scott Guber - What exactly are you asking me for, Harry?
Harry Senate: The right to tell him to go to hell.
Claire Ellison: Women say stupid things sometimes, you'd be suprised, you'd think we were men...
Danny Hanson: [at Debbie's house after she didn't show up for school that day] What? Are you sick, Debbie? You don't look sick to me...
Debbie Nixon: Well, you don't look nuts, but we both know better.
Harry Senate: Should I go get my gun?
Scott Guber: Is there anything that you *don't* find funny?
Harry Senate: Well... your tie.
Harvey Lipschultz: [on what patriotism means to him] Oh, many things. But mostly, it means bombs. As an American, I'm proud to be bombing that terrorist country. You knock down two of our skyscrapers, and we bomb you. Simple.
Harvey Lipschultz: Mess with America, and we answer with three little words: Boom. Boom. And boom.
Zach Delray: [asking Ronnie Cooke to the prom] You know, strictly as a lover, I'm better *off* the Ritalin.
Steven Harper: The spirit of Winslow High is to give kids second chances.
Scott Guber: Mr. Senate, I need a favor.
Harry Senate: Is it sexual?