Heidi: Because every klezmer band in town is booked and I desperately need a band. But if I hire you, you have to be willing to "hora". Is that a problem?
Fannie: Oh man, at this point I'd fuck anyone.
[Family dinner, with Lorena and daughter as guests]
Heidi: [to her mother, Fern] What're you, apologizing to her? She's an unwed mother.
Fern: Better an unwed mother than just plain unwed.
Fannie: I bought a gift for you.
Steven: Oh, no.
Fannie: Actually, I lifted it from Borders. But it's perfect for your date. It's classical music.
Steven: Oh, thanks!
Fannie: Yeah, when you get Lorena alone, put this on. Classical music makes women horny. Just trust me on this one.
Steven: Thanks. "Best of John Philip Sousa".
Fannie: Yeah. Chicks dig it.
Heidi: [about Michael going in jail] Serves him right. I hope you rot there, fucking loser.
Fern: Heidi! That loser was almost your husband!
Heidi: Why can't you get it into your head he's a psychopath?
Fern: I'm *sure* he is. But he's also a very successful accountant.
Fannie: D'you know our high school reunion's comin' up? Ten years... D'you know how depressing that is? D'you think I don't wanna slash my fucking wrists when I think about that? Goddamn it!
Fannie: Steven, you drive like my fucking grandma! Wait... that's actually an insult because my grandma drives better than you do!
[Enters Steven's room and sees him in his underwear, with his dummy dressed as a child]
Heidi: ... Gross! You look like a child molester!
Fannie: [after being thrown out for throwing a tantrum in a Target] Fucking suburbanized shit!
Fannie: Oh hey, what are you doing on the Fourth?
Steven: I don't know.
Fannie: 'Cause I just ordered some kick ass fireworks. Like, even the chinks are scared of this shit.