The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)
Edmond: Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you: as Albert Mondego, the man!
Luigi: So, mi amici, I would ask who you are, but in view of your shredded clothes and the fact that the Chateau d'If is two miles away... what's the point? As for me, I am Luigi Vampa, a smuggler and a thief. My men and I have come to this island to bury alive one of our number who attempted to keep some stolen gold for himself instead of sharing it with his comrades. Interestingly enough, there are some of his more loyal friends who are insisting that I grant him mercy. Which, of course, I cannot do, or I would quickly lose control of the whole crew. That is why you are such a fortunate find.
Edmond: Why is that?
Luigi: You provide me with a way to show a little mercy to Jacopo - that maggot you see tied up over there - while at the same time not appearing weak. And as a bonus, the lads will get to see a little sport as well.
Edmond: How do I accomplish all this?
Luigi: We watch you and Jacopo fight to the death. If Jacopo wins, we welcome him back to the crew. If you win, I have given Jacopo the chance to live, even if he did not take advantage of it, and you can take his place on the boat.
Edmond: What if I win and I don't want to be a smuggler?
Luigi: Then we slit your throat, and we're a bit shorthanded.
Edmond: [smiles after consideration] I find that smuggling is the life for me, and would be delighted to kill your friend the maggot!
Luigi: Oh, and by the way, Jacopo is the best knife fighter I have ever seen.
Edmond: [unmoved, sarcastically] Perhaps you should get out more...
Luigi: [laughs, shouts to his crew] Release Jacopo, and give him back his knife. And we'll let the games begin...
Jacopo: Why not just kill them? I'll do it! I'll run up to Paris - bam, bam, bam, bam. I'm back before week's end. We spend the treasure. How is this a bad plan?
Fernand: What happened to your mercy?
Edmond Dantes: I'm a count, not a saint.
Abbe Faria: Here is your final lesson - do not commit the crime for which you now serve the sentence. God said, "Vengeance is mine."
Edmond Dantes: I don't believe in God.
Abbe Faria: It doesn't matter. He believes in you.
Luigi: We shall call him... Zatarra.
Edmond: Sounds fearsome.
Luigi: It means, "driftwood."
Edmond: If you ever presume to interfere in my affairs again, I will, I promise you, finish the job I started the day we met! Do you understand?
Jacopo: I understand you are mad.
Edmond: Mad? My enemies are falling into my traps perfectly!
Jacopo: Mad, your grace, for ignoring this: you have a fortune, a beautiful woman who loves you. Take the money, take the woman, and live your life! Stop this plan, take what you have won!
Edmond: I can't.
Jacopo: Why not?... I'm still your man, Satara. I swore an oath I will protect you. Even if it means I must protect you from yourself. I'll drive you home now.
Luigi: Oh, and by the way, Jacopo is the best knife fighter I have ever seen.
Edmond: Perhaps you should get out more.
Abbe Faria: When I told them I had no idea where Count Spada hid his treasure, I lied.
Edmond: You lied?
Abbe Faria: I'm a priest, not a saint.
Fernand: Monte Cristo!
Edmond: King's to you, Fernand.
Fernand: Edmond? How did you...
Edmond: How did I escape? With difficulty. How did I plan this moment? With pleasure!
Fernand: So you've taken Mercedes.
Edmond: And everything else. Except your life.
Fernand: Why are you doing this?
Edmond: [pauses, remembering what Fernand said when he asked why he betrayed him] It's complicated. Let's just say it's vengeance for the life that you stole from me.
Edmond: There are 72,519 stones in my walls. I've counted them many times.
Abbe Faria: But have you named them yet?
Edmond: We are kings or pawns, a man once said.
Luigi: Who told you this?
Edmond: Napolean Bonaparte.
Luigi: Oh, Zatarra, the stories you tell.
Abbe Faria: The stronger swordsman does not necessarily win. It is speed! Speed of hand, speed of mind.
Count of Monte Cristo: [to Fernand Mondego] May I steal your wife?
Fernand: Excuse me?
Count of Monte Cristo: For the waltz?
Edmond: Monseuir, I know you must hear this a great deal; I assure you I am innocent. Everyone must say that, I know, but I truly am.
Dorleac: I know. I really do know.
Edmond: You mock me?
Dorleac: No, my dear Dantes. I know perfectly well that you are innocent. Why else would you be here? If you were truly guilty, there are a hundred prisons in France where they would lock you away. But Chateau d'If is where is they put the ones they're ashamed of.
Edmond Dantes: God is no more real than your treasure, Priest.
Abbe Faria: Perhaps...
Napoleon: Kings and pawns, marshal. Emperors and fools.
Luigi: [laughs] Release Jacopo, and give him back his knife. And we'll let the games begin.
Colonel Villefort, aka: Clarion: Treason is all a matter of dates.
Mercedes: Is Viscount Torville dead?
Fernand: Well, unless his heart is situated somewhere other than the left side of his chest, I suspect he is.
Mercedes: [choking up, and making the sign of the cross] God grant him peace. He did no more than defend his family's honor.
Fernand: Much good it did him. His wife and I were happy in our passion. You were happy in your ignorance. Now comes the viscount's valiant defense of his honor, and you are pained. She is ruined, and he is dead.
Mercedes: Don't flatter yourself, Fernand. I was neither happy, nor ignorant, having known about the last three women before Madame Tourville.
Fernand: I'm sorry that you are humiliated. The combination of Paris and me is hardly a recipe for fidelity, is it? But since my attempts at discretion have evidently failed, there seems little point in keeping up pretenses. It's actually quite... liberating. Wouldn't you say?
Edmond: If you ever loved me, don't rob me of my hate. It's all I have.
Abbe Faria: Here is your final lesson: do not commit the crime for which you now serve the sentence.
Abbe Faria: With two of us digging, we can cover twice the ground. It'll only take us, oh... 8 years to reach the outer wall.
Abbe Faria: Ohh... and does something else demand your time? Some pressing appointment, perhaps?
Abbe Faria: In return for your help, I offer you something priceless.
Edmond: My freedom?
Abbe Faria: No, freedom can be taken away, as you well know. I offer you my knowledge.
Abbe Faria: The slot opens twice a day. Once in the morning for your toilet bucket, which is where we hide the dirt. And once more in the evening for your plate. Between those times, we can work all day without fear of discovery.
Edmond: So neglect becomes our ally.
Dorleac: Come on, come on, I haven't got all day... wait. Actually, I do. I've got...
Dorleac: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!
J.F. Villefort, Chief Magistrate: Mondego's the one who pulled the trigger! He'd never confess in a million years!
Count of Monte Cristo: You're right, he wouldn't... but you just have.
Abbe Faria: Define Economics.
Edmond: Economics is a science that deals with the production, distribution, and consumption of commodities.
Abbe Faria: Translation?
Edmond: Dig first, money later.
Mercedes: I don't know what dark plan lies within you. Nor do I know by what design we were asked to live without each other these 16 years. But God has offered us a new beginning...
Mercedes: Don't slap His hand away.
Edmond: Can I never escape Him?
Mercedes: No, He is in everything. Even in a kiss.
Jacopo: I bid you good afternoon, sir. I am here to purchase your lovely home.
Mansion Owner: [laughing] The very cheek! I shall have you horsewhipped! Now get off my property, you vagabond, before I set the dogs on you, you hear?
Jacopo: [Jacapo lowers the wagon lid and reveals the treasure. The mansion owner sobers up and hands him the property contract] Thank you.
Mercedes: I want to be free of you... the way you, obviously, are free of me.
Albert Mondego: May I ask who you are, Sir?
Count of Monte Cristo: For the present your friend, tomorrow your host, for the short time formality stands between us, the Count of Monte Cristo.
Abbe Faria: 2,500 cubic centimeters of rock and dust a day for 365 days.
Edmond: Equals three-and-a-half meters a year, 12 feet, a foot a month.
Edmond: Three inches a week.
Abbe Faria: In Italian.
Edmond: Ancora tre metri e un mezzo.
Mercedes: You would have to be a mother to truly appreciate the service you have done for my son and me. Monsieur, I will never forget you.
Count of Monte Cristo: Please, madame, It was nothing; and I am sure in within a month you will not even remember my name
[to Fernand Mondego]
Count of Monte Cristo: May I steal your wife?
Fernand: Excuse me?
Count of Monte Cristo: For the waltz?
Fernand: You pleased me some of the time.
Mercedes: You never pleased me.
Albert Mondego: Who are you, and why are you doing this?
Luigi: We are bad men, and for the money!
Jacopo: I swear on my dead relatives - and even on the ones who are not feeling too good - I am your man forever!
Danglar: You presume to demote me?
Morell: Not at all. You're still the first mate of the Pharaon, under Captain Dantes.
Prison guard: [after accidentally throwing Dorleac off the cliff together with a supposedly dead body] We could have handled that a bit better.
Danglar: [while he is about to be hanged by Monte Cristo from a ship's plank, holding onto Cristo's coat] Who are you?
Edmond: I'm the Count of Monte Cristo...
Edmond: But my friends call me Edmond Dantes!
Danglar: [in full realisation] Dantes...
Edmond: [Edmond knocks away Danglar's hands, hanging him, walks away calmly and speaks to the chief Gendarme] Cut him down before he can't talk...
J.F. Villefort, Chief Magistrate: I don't see how any of this has anything to do with our business relationship!
Count of Monte Cristo: [calmly] I'm about to tell you.
Edmond: You've only got one shot. And it'll take more than that to stop me.
Fernand: Well, then, I best put it where it will do the most damage.
Mercedes: What's wrong?
Fernand: I'm bankrupt. All my debts have been called in. Also, I am to be arrested.
Mercedes: For what?
Fernand: Piracy, corruption, and murder.
Mercedes: Did you do all these things?
Fernand: Yes. But there's simply not the time to talk about it. The gendarmes are on their way, apparently, so hurry up and pack something.
Mercedes: I'm not going with you, Fernand.
Fernand: [Fernand turns towards her and angrily breaks a mirror]
Fernand: You are my wife. I have made arrangements for us. We shall be very well taken care of. Now go and find my son.
[Fernand walks briskly away from Mercedes]
Mercedes: He's not your son.
Fernand: [Fernand stops dead in his tracks] I beg your pardon?
Mercedes: Albert Mondego is the son of Edmond Dantes.
Mercedes: Why do you think I rushed off so quickly to marry you when Edmond was taken away?
Fernand: [staring blankly in full realization] Premature.
[Fernand steps towards Mercedes and stares piercingly down at her]
Fernand: Well, aren't you a piece of work? So he's the bastard son of a dead traitor?
Fernand: He always was disappointing.
Old Man Dantes: [Making a toast] May this moment be the dawn of a new and wonderful life for you both...
Gendarmes Captain: [after smashing open the door] Which one of you is Edmond Dantes?
Edmond: I am.
Gendarmes Captain: Edmond Dantes, you are under arrest by order of the chief magistrate of Marseille.
Old Man Dantes: Arrest?
Edmond: On what charges?
Gendarmes Captain: That information is privilaged
[gestures to his men]
Gendarmes Captain: Take him!
Edmond: [Struggling with guards] I demand an explanation! I demand an explanation!
J.F. Villefort, Chief Magistrate: How is your father?
Fernand: Alive, unfortunately.
J.F. Villefort, Chief Magistrate: We share the same misfortune.
Dorleac: Now you're thinking, just now "Why me, O God?". The answer is, God has nothing to do with it. In fact, God is never in France this time of year.
Edmond: Why? In God's name, why?
Fernand: Because you're the son of a clerk, and I'm not supposed to want to be you!
Jacopo: I am still your man, Zatarra. I swore an oath, and I will protect you. Even if it means I must protect you from yourself.
Jacopo: Once again, Zatarra, God sees you out of the corner of His eye.
Dorleac: Let's make a bargain. You ask God for help, and I'll stop the moment He shows up.
Fernand: Take your vengeance. But know that the blood you spill is noble. Blood that will never run through your veins. You are no more a count than I am a commoner!
J.F. Villefort, Chief Magistrate: I require seventy percent.
Fernand: And yet you'll only get fifty.
Mercedes: Albert, I found the note you left explaining where you'd gone. But now I must explain something to you. Where you've really come from. Albert, you are the son of Edmond Dantes. The man you know as the Count of Monte Cristo.
[Albert Mondego turns to Fernand Mondego]
Fernand: Well, I'm afraid it is true. You are the walking proof that your mother was as much of a whore in her younger years as she is today.
Mercedes: I will never forget your kindness.
Fernand: I shall never cease to give it.
Dorleac: And if you're thinking just now 'Why me, oh God?' the answer is: God has nothing to do with it. In fact, God is never in France this time of year.
Edmond: God has everything to do with it. He's everywhere. He sees everything.
Dorleac: Alright. Let's make a bargain, shall we? You ask God for help and I'll stop the moment he shows up.
Fernand: We're drinking Napoleon Bonaparte's wine!
Napoleon: [Walking in behind Edmond and Fernand, surprising them] I believe you'll find the 1806 a finer vintage.
On Screen Text: [first lines, the text that appears on screen] In 1814, the French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was exiled to the island of Elba, off the coast of Italy. Fearing an attempt to rescue him, his British captors would shoot anyone who came ashore...
On Screen Text: ...no matter how innocent or desperate.