Memorable quotes for
Thir13en Ghosts (2001) More at IMDbPro »

Maggie: Is that half the lawyer?
Kalina: Here, take this.
[hands sizzling explosive to her]
Maggie: Oooh, god, he definitely looked better.
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Maggie: Can I rely on you not to get me killed?
Dennis Rafkin: I guarantee nothing.
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Dennis Rafkin: I'm getting my ass out of the big glass house!
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Maggie: Family, just so we're all clear, Ms. Maggie does *not* do windows.
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[last lines]
Maggie: This is it for me. I am on the first fuckin' plane back to Newark. Uh-uh. I am sorry, family, Kathy, Bobby, uncle, ghosts. I am sick of this nanny shit. I've had it. This was not in the job description. *I quit!*
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Dana Newman, The Angry Princess: [faint, ghastly whispering] I'm sorry...
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Dennis Rafkin: Oh. Oh, boy.
Maggie: What?
Dennis Rafkin: Uh, that's the symbol of The Jackal.
Maggie: What's The Jackal?
Dennis Rafkin: The Jackal is the Charlie Manson of ghosts. And if The Jackal's out, screw the kid! We gotta get out of this basement...!
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Dennis Rafkin: [Dennis notices multiple of the ectoplasmic doors are open] What the hell? Give me those!
[Dennis takes Maggie's glasses]
Dennis Rafkin: Let me see. Why are these open? I was down here before. They weren't open.
[the Hammer spikes the ectoplasmic wall frame with his hammer]
Dennis Rafkin: Oh, God! I hate it when they do that!
Maggie: Do what?
Dennis Rafkin: They wait for your to stick your FACE right up against the glass! And then give you a big, fat "boo"!
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Maggie: [the Angry Princess walks towards Maggie with a butcher knife] Where? I can't see shit without the glasses, idiot!
Dennis Rafkin: ...Well, I can see. And I think you should go this way! Go, go, go, go, go!
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Kalina: We have ten minutes until the ectoplasmic shit hits the fan.
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Rafkin: There are ghosts in the basement!
Maggie: This basement?
Dennis Rafkin: Of course this basement! What is it with you people? If it was the basement next door I wouldn't give a shit, would I?
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[Rafkin psychically probes the junkyard, then yells out in pain]
Dennis Rafkin: You son of a bitch! You said he only killed 9 people, there's over 40 victims here!
Cyrus: Nine while he was alive, he's added a few since then.
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Maggie: [in background talking to herself] Stuck in here, bunch of crazy white people...
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Dennis Rafkin: Did I say there's a petting zoo downstairs? NO there are ghosts downstairs Arthur!
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Dennis Rafkin: I hate my job.
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Kalina Oretzia: Who are you to play God?
Cyrus Kriticos: Playing is for children.
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Maggie Bess: Bobby, don't call your sister a slut.
Kathy Kriticos: Thank you, Maggie.
Maggie Bess: I prefer the term 'bitch'.
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Arthur Kriticos: He wasn't too popular. My dad said he squandered the family fortune.
Kathy Kriticos: We have a family fortune?
Arthur Kriticos: Well, no. Cyrus squandered it.
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Maggie Bess: Hey, Bobby, isn't that great, you got a late uncle.
Robert 'Bobby' Kriticos: What's he late for?
Kathy Kriticos: His next birthday.
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Kathy Kriticos: Bathrooms. Bathrooms! Everyone gets their own bathrooms!
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[seeing their new glass house]
Kathy Kriticos: I sure hope the bathroom's in the basement...
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Arthur Kriticos: First rule: no throwing stones.
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Dennis Rafkin: I know this is gonna sound completely whacked, all right? But just - just stay with me. I used to hunt displaced spiritual energies with your uncle.
Arthur Kriticos: I'm sorry?
Dennis Rafkin: Uhh, P.K. agents. Revenants. Uh, uh, uh - Like wraiths. Wraiths? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?
Arthur Kriticos: [chuckling nervously and shaking his head "No"] Uhh...
Dennis Rafkin: That's okay. That's okay, I - I'll do this the easy way. Ghosts, Arthur. I used to - I used to hunt ghosts with your uncle Cyrus.
Arthur Kriticos: [after a pause] Goats?
Dennis Rafkin: GHOSTS! Ghosts, goddammit! Listen to me!
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Arthur Kriticos: I told them not to leave this spot.
Dennis Rafkin: They're kids - what do you expect?
Arthur Kriticos: Yeah, well thank you Dr. Phil.
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Dennis Rafkin: Hey, Glass Family Robinson, you're wasting your breath!
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Dennis Rafkin: Oh Cyrus, you crazy son of a bitch, what did you do?
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Arthur Kriticos: Okay, I want you guys to stay right here. Don't move.
Kathy Kriticos: Dad, you're being paranoid and over-protective.
Arthur Kriticos: Yeah, of all this stuff!
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Dennis Rafkin: Hey bro... You ain't nothin' but a BITCH!
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Dennis Rafkin: I sure as hell hope I don't bleed to death. That, would suck.
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Dennis Rafkin: I hate this job...
Kalina: Yeah, well, it doesn't seem to like you much either. I wonder why.
Dennis Rafkin: You have something to say, say it.
Kalina: Alright, let's start with, THIS IS ALL YOUR GODDAMN FAULT! If you hadn't caught them we wouldn't be running from them, now would we?
Dennis Rafkin: It's his uncle that built the damn house!
Kalina: Yeah, but you helped him! How could you help him without knowing what he was doing?
Dennis Rafkin: I had my reasons...
Kalina: Money, you parasite, you stole people's souls for money! How depraved is that?
Dennis Rafkin: If you hadn't noticed, I'M A LITTLE BIT OF A FREAK! I come within ten feet of anything dead I go into seizures. I touch somebody, and a whole life full of shit flashes in front of my eyes! Alright? So yeah, I'm depraved. But Cyrus was my friend and he accepted me, so...
Kalina: [laughs] He didn't accept you! You're so pathetic! He used you!
Arthur Kriticos: Shut up! Both of you. Cut him some slack, would you? What difference does it make?
Kalina: [Looks at Dennis, shocked] You didn't tell him, did you?
Arthur Kriticos: [panicked] Oh, God, what? What? Tell me what? What now?
Kalina: About the fourth ghost.
Dennis Rafkin: No, don't do this... I didn't tell him, don't do this!
Kalina: He has a right to know!
Arthur Kriticos: What about the fourth ghost?
Kalina: St Luke's hospital. Six months ago.
Arthur Kriticos: [slowly realizing] You're saying... my wife's spirit is... trapped... in this house?
Dennis Rafkin: I didn't know you... I didn't know her. I didn't know she had a husband...
Arthur Kriticos: [attacks Dennis in a fit of rage, tackling him to the ground] Why? In God's name, why? Why her?
Dennis Rafkin: I don't know why! Cyrus handpicked them all, including your wife. I found out who you were, and God, I've been trying to help you!
Arthur Kriticos: You call this help? She's right! This is all your God damn fault!
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Susan LeGrow, The Bound Woman: Bobby. Down here.
Robert 'Bobby' Kriticos: Maggie?
Susan LeGrow, The Bound Woman: Come on down and play.
Robert 'Bobby' Kriticos: Is that you? Maggie! Stop playing games.
Susan LeGrow, The Bound Woman: Bobby? I have something for you. We'll have lots of fun, Bobby.
Jean Kriticos, The Withered Lover: Don't come down, Bobby. Stay upstairs. Don't follow her.
Susan LeGrow, The Bound Woman: Down here, Bobby.
Jean Kriticos, The Withered Lover: Bobby, don't come down.
Susan LeGrow, The Bound Woman: Bobby. Around the corner.
Jean Kriticos, The Withered Lover: Don't come down here!
Susan LeGrow, The Bound Woman: That's it, Bobby.
Robert 'Bobby' Kriticos: Guys, I'm gonna tell Dad!
Jean Kriticos, The Withered Lover: Bobby! Bobby!
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Billy Michaels, The First Born Son: [giggles] I wanna play.
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Royce Clayton, The Torn Prince: [slightly slurred] Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me?
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Maggie Bess: Did the lawyer split?
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