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Mutants or not, if you roll this par-of-dice, you loose.
Even die-hard Edith Massey fans will have a hard time sitting through this clumsy snore-fest. While it is true that Edith's trademark delivery of even the simplest lines work in the John Waters movies that made her a cult star
this film's juvenile script and fifth grade dialog leave her with
nowhere to go. Her brief screen time is wasted on a film that has all the charm of an extended stay waiting in lines at the department of Motor Vehicles office.
The story (if you can call it that) centers around a nerdy teenager named Steve Awesome (Brad Greenquist), who is selected by a lack-luster group of scientists to be transformed into a bionic man. For reasons we don't care, a group of Russians (played by a handful of drama school drop outs) take the chief scientist's (Edith Massey) daughter captive. Most of the intervening time is spent watching the not-so-bionic man stumble from one boring location to another in poorly edited (and preformed) slapstick. There is a disjointed subplot concerning a fairy godmother, which has nothing to do with the rest of what is going on, super imposed into the film. It does however give the writer an excuse to bring the film to a merciful end. By the time the credits roll, they read like a written confession.
It is easy to see that the writer/director (Scott Apostolou) is a John Waters fan. However, at the time that this was made, he neither had the: life experience, sense of humor, or talent to pull off whatever he was going for. In the end you have a film lacking any of the humor, campy-ness, irony, or shock value that inspired it. This film makes attack of the killer tomatoes look like Citizen Kane (and I don't mean that in a good way).
Do yourself a favor; if you need a fix of Edith Massey re-watch her in one of John Water's films, watch her screen test audition in the special features of the DVD release of `Lust In The Dust', or even catch her in Robert Maier's 14-minute documentary `A Love Letter To Eddie'. You'll get more Massey-bang for your buck.
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