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Excel Saga (TV Series 1999–2001) Poster

(1999–2001)

Quotes

Excel: There is one Earth! If it splits in half, there'll be two! All mankind is scum - and bee-yoo-tiful!

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[about "Sailor Moon"]

Excel: I wanted that part, but it was dubbed in Canada!

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Background voice: I can't believe they killed the main character in the first scene!

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[On her way to assassinate manga artist Koshi Rikdo]

Excel: How dare you live in a place with a roof, you user of ink!

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[to her dog, as she goes out]

Excel: Menchi! Watch the place while I'm gone. Oh! And stop acting like you understand human words! It's rude to the other animals out there.

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[after a log-sized fish roll floats by on a flooded street]

Excel: And there appears to be some mighty mysterious carbohydrates floating by as well, don't you think?

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[Addressing criminals while wearing an improvised "Sailor Moon" hairdo]

Excel: There can be no excuse for those who use animation to exploit innocent children. That pisses Excel off! You've all been bad boys, so in the name of the toons, Excel will punish you!

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Excel: Excel just wishes that she had a DVD player instead of a coffee can filled with gravel. Hey, Ilpalazzo, just who does a girl have to sell her unmentionables to to get some personal electronics around here?

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Excel: [to a scared Koshi Rikdo] No, no, I'm not a robber, I'm just here to obliterate you!

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[It's Christmas, yet another thing ACROSS is against]

Ilpalazzo: It has nothing whatsoever to do with the festival, Excel, but I have a present for you.

[Ilpalazzo pulls a cord, dropping Excel into a pit with an alligator]

Ilpalazzo: I have supplied a knife with it. Make whatever you want.

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[Hyatt has died again]

Excel: Hyatt, if you continue to so cavalierly play with the definition of death, they're gonna dissect you for real one of these days!

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Excel: [singing] Obliterate! Eliminate! Lord Ilpallatzo told me so! Genocide! Manga artist-cide! And an order of homicide to go!

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[Good Excel is collared for her earlier homicidal act against Bad Excel]

Policewoman Excel: Good Excel, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of Bad Excel

Good Excel: Oh well, it's a fair cop.

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[Good Excel whips out a pistol and shoots Bad Excel with it]

Good Excel: The bullet of justice caps evil's ass! Remember that!

Excel: Justice plays dirty!

Good Excel: Well right makes might y'know!

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Puuchuu Gun: Wassup! My name is Nanami. I can advance and improve you, man! You gotta shoot me with yo damn soul! I'm countin' on ya! Wassup!

Excel: Wow, it even has an adrenaline-pumping masculine voice included. So hi-tech!

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[Nabeshin didn't help Excel out of a predicament]

Nabeshin: But you looked heavy...

Excel: HEAVY? OK, MISTER, MY BUTT'S A LITTLE BIG, BUT I'M DEFINITELY NOT "HEAVY!"

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[Nabeshin pulls a shotgun out of his afro]

Excel: That's some serious dandruff, man.

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[repeated line]

Pedro: NOOOO~!

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Matsuya: I don't care for the way you used my full name, along with the words "see" and "naked".

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[repeated line]

Excel: [shouts] Hail, Ilpalazzo!

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Excel: HAIL ILPALAZZO!

[Ilpalazzo looks up from his newspaper]

Ilpalazzo: Ah, Excel. Wastefully exuberant as usual.

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Iwata: [When thinking about Ropponmatsu 1] Now that I've lost you, I realized how precious you were. Oh, Ropponmatsu!

Ropponmatsu 2: You called?

Iwata: [Fuming] Not YOU, you freak! And I insist you change your name to Roboko Robota immediately!

Ropponmatsu 2: Iwatchi is a pansy!

Iwata: That lonesome little...!

Ropponmatsu 2: [Holding Matsuya] Oh, Big Sister, the mean ol' Senior is being mean to me. But you're on Ropponmatsu's side, aren't ya?

[Sumiyoshi thinks "That's a rare reaction."]

Matsuya: [Ropponmatsu 2 still grips on Matsuya] I don't deal well with people who don't fit in the established hiearchy.

Iwata: [to Ropponmatsu 2, mad] Hey, don't you be touching her either! She belongs to me too!

[Matsuya blows her top, and tosses a cigarette ashtray at Iwata's face, knocking him out]

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Ilpalazzo: Are you the messenger from HQ? Why are you late? Let us hear your reasons for that first.

Key: My name is Key. I am a key.

[to Excel]

Key: And could you perhaps be... my keyhole?

Excel: [shouts] Excel heat overload! Excel isn't used to such lovie-dovie attacks but what about her Ilpalazzo? Excel's so confused.

Ilpalazzo: [internally towards Key] Damn you. Just because you're a visually appealing little bastard doesn't make you cool. You're stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I'll kill you, you poser! I'll definitely make you die!

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[HQ's messenger, Key, continues to hit on Excel and Hyatt]

Ilpalazzo: [internally] Quit putting on such a show. Giving yourself an artist's airs, you narcissistic bastard! Nar-bastard! Nar-bastard! Disappear! Leave! Go away, away!

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Iwata: If you have time to wiggle those nasty things, why don't you chew peanuts with your eyes and eat spaghetti through your nose, you affront to God!

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Iwata: [Iwata is beaten up by Misaki again] I said wrestling, not boxing.

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Hyatt: [Hyatt is frozen in a block of ice] Senior. Hyatt... is... cold.

Excel: Whoa! There she goes dying so peacefully again!

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Bowling Terrorist Leader: Hey, you main characters over there. Come and grab my balls.

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Yoda's Silhouette: What you can see with your eyes is not all there is, young Excel. Open the eye of your soul.

Excel: The eye of my soul? And who the heck said you could do a cameo, anyway?

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Bowling Terrorist Leader: [Excel drops a bowling ball and it hits him in the foot] Ow, my shin! Such pain I am feeling!

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Ropponmatsu 2: My name isn't "punk", it"s Ropponmatsu!

Excel: I don't care if your name is Roppongi, Rapunzel, or rope burn!

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Hyatt: [after being kidnapped by "bowling terrorists"] It appears bowling is a far more radical sport than I realized... Interesting!

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Ilpalazzo: Who puts a bomb in a dating game?

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Dr. Kozo Shioji: Sorry babe, but big boobs and pubic hair really turn me off.

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Iwata: [When thinking about Ropponmatsu 1] Now that I've lost you, I realized how precious you were. Oh, Ropponmatsu!

Ropponmatsu 2: You called?

Iwata: [Fuming] Not YOU, you freak! And I insist you change your name to Roboko Robota immediately!

Ropponmatsu 2: Iwatchi is a pansy!

Iwata: That lonesome little...!

Ropponmatsu 2: [Holding Matsuya] Oh, Big Sister, the mean ol' Senior is being mean to me. But you're on Ropponmatsu's side, aren't ya?

[Sumiyoshi thinks "That's a rare reaction."]

Matsuya: [Ropponmatsu 2 still grips on Matsuya] I don't deal well with people who don't fit in the established hiearchy.

Iwata: [to Ropponmatsu 2, mad] Hey, don't you be touching her either! She belongs to me too!

Matsuya: [Matsuya blows her top, and tosses a cigarette ashtray at Iwata's face, knocking him out]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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