Say It Isn't So (2001)
Walter: Do you know what the Bible says about fucking your own sister? Don't.
Walter: I thought I told you to get a haircut.
Valdine: Oh, give Gilly a break, he's been through a lot.
Walter: Yeah, including his own sister.
Mr. Murphy: Oh me and my wife had a great sex life, we use to have sex once a week. but then she died... then it was 3 or 4 times a week.
Jimmy Mitchelson: He wants to marry his sister.
Freddy: He better not come back.
Jimmy Mitchelson: Yeah, that's right, or we'll tie you to a tree, fuck you in the ass while we jerk you off. Show you what we really do to perverts around here.
Indian Man: In My Country, for Violating sacred beast you get beaten to death with bamboo stick.
Walter: I'm surprised she didn't give up the sausage and become a vagina-tarian.
Dig McCaffrey: Listen. I would've sprung you sooner, but after I ate all that weed, it took me two days just to pass the stems.
Gilbert Noble: Jo, listen. I got great news. I, uh - I found Leon. I found Leon, and I got him dead to rights.
Josephine Wingfield: That's great, Gilly. Now, why don't you just pull your arm out of Leon's butt, and we'll take a drive to the hospital.
Josephine Wingfield: Would you like the standard bikini wax?
Mrs. Hartunian: Oh, no. I'm going to Hawaii with my husband. Better landscape the whole yard.
Dig McCaffrey: Jack Mitchelson got millions from his daddy. He's what we call a multi-millionaire. And in my experience, women like dead presidents more than broke boyfriends. No romance without finance, daddy.
Dig McCaffrey: Well, ship my ass to big Red China. They want the white boy.
Streak: You got any naked pictures of your sister?
Gilbert Noble: Of course not.
Streak: Wanna buy some?
Valdine: Old R2D2 couldn't keep it in his pants back then. And now he can't even wipe his own ass.
Larry Falwell: You know what it feels like when newspapers call you the boss of a sister fucker? The whole damn town thinks I'm runnin' a "sisterfuckeria."
Dig McCaffrey: Now, be a friend and fetch my getaway sticks, daddy.
Gilbert Noble: Your what?
Dig McCaffrey: My legs, captain. My legs.
Gilbert Noble: Oh, shit.
Dig McCaffrey: Less feces, more fetchin'. Get over here and get it, boy.
Larry Falwell: I mean this is the kinda think that makes a man wanta bludgeon his family and go on a three-day drunk.
Gilbert Noble: That's pretty serious talk, Larry. Maybe you should be speaking to a professional about these things.
Larry Falwell: You mean a hit man? Now, that's the easiest way to get caught. Unless you did it?
Gilbert Noble: I was talking about a shrink, Larry.
Larry Falwell: Get real... that's for crazy people.
Gilbert Noble: I'm sorry. I never hit anyone before.
Dig McCaffrey: Well, I'm glad I was your first. Hope I was gentle.
Valdine: [explaining her reasons for giving up her baby, to an increasingly dismayed Gilbert and Jo] I figured the best thing to do was to give you away. You know, to somebody who wouldn't resent you for your burden. I mean, one of you had to go and Jo was already house-broke.
Gilbert Noble: This can't be happening.
Valdine: I know this must be very difficult for you. But just think how lucky you are that you found out before it was too late, before you got married and consumated this forbidden relationship.
[causes Jo to run off to the bathroom, retching]
Valdine: Sweet Lord! You ponied your sister.
Gilbert Noble: Oh, my God.