Say It Isn't So (2001)
Indian Man: In My Country, for Violating sacred beast you get beaten to death with bamboo stick.
Walter: I thought I told you to get a haircut.
Valdine: Oh, give Gilly a break, he's been through a lot.
Walter: Yeah, including his own sister.
Walter: Do you know what the Bible says about fucking your own sister? Don't.
Mr. Murphy: Oh me and my wife had a great sex life, we use to have sex once a week. but then she died... then it was 3 or 4 times a week.
Walter: I'm surprised she didn't give up the sausage and become a vagina-tarian.
Dig McCaffrey: Listen. I would've sprung you sooner, but after I ate all that weed, it took me two days just to pass the stems.
Gilbert Noble: Jo, listen. I got great news. I, uh - I found Leon. I found Leon, and I got him dead to rights.
Josephine Wingfield: That's great, Gilly. Now, why don't you just pull your arm out of Leon's butt, and we'll take a drive to the hospital.
Josephine Wingfield: Would you like the standard bikini wax?
Mrs. Hartunian: Oh, no. I'm going to Hawaii with my husband. Better landscape the whole yard.
Dig McCaffrey: Jack Mitchelson got millions from his daddy. He's what we call a multi-millionaire. And in my experience, women like dead presidents more than broke boyfriends. No romance without finance, daddy.
Jimmy Mitchelson: He wants to marry his sister.
Freddy: He better not come back.
Jimmy Mitchelson: Yeah, that's right, or we'll tie you to a tree, fuck you in the ass while we jerk you off. Show you what we really do to perverts around here.
Dig McCaffrey: Well, ship my ass to big Red China. They want the white boy.
Streak: You got any naked pictures of your sister?
Gilbert Noble: Of course not.
Streak: Wanna buy some?
Valdine: Old R2D2 couldn't keep it in his pants back then. And now he can't even wipe his own ass.
Larry Falwell: You know what it feels like when newspapers call you the boss of a sister fucker? The whole damn town thinks I'm runnin' a "sisterfuckeria."
Dig McCaffrey: Now, be a friend and fetch my getaway sticks, daddy.
Gilbert Noble: Your what?
Dig McCaffrey: My legs, captain. My legs.
Gilbert Noble: Oh, shit.
Dig McCaffrey: Less feces, more fetchin'. Get over here and get it, boy.
Larry Falwell: I mean this is the kinda think that makes a man wanta bludgeon his family and go on a three-day drunk.
Gilbert Noble: That's pretty serious talk, Larry. Maybe you should be speaking to a professional about these things.
Larry Falwell: You mean a hit man? Now, that's the easiest way to get caught. Unless you did it?
Gilbert Noble: I was talking about a shrink, Larry.
Larry Falwell: Get real... that's for crazy people.