Cats & Dogs (2001)
Mr. Tinkles: The ninjas failed, and failure is unacceptable! If they ever show their faces again, you know what to do.
Calico: Yes. Tell them to wash with a loofah sponge. Kidding! Hello? Joke!
Mr. Tinkles: This can't be happening. I want them eliminated!
Calico: But they did manage to bug the phone. I think we should just concentrate on the glasses half full.
[Mr. Tinkles growls and throws the roll at Calico]
Calico: Ow! That's what I want to do.
Mr. Tinkles: Oh, putting a happy face on. What an interesting philosophy. At what point did you forget WE'RE TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?
Lou: I'm on to you, kitty, and you're in big trouble!
Russian Blue: I think not, baby puppy. It is you who is in trouble!
Mr. Tinkles: I want you to stay here.
Mr. Tinkles: Because I hate you.
Mr. Tinkles: With the dogs out of the way, cats will overthrow the humans and you will recieve your just reward: sixteen pounds of Monterey Jack and the continent of Australia.
Lou: I think that if I'm going to be a secret agent, I should have a better name. I was thinking, "Toto Annihilation".
Peek: Nah, he's a pro wrestler. Sorry, that name's taken.
Lou: Alright then, "Doom Machine" it is!
Butch: Hey! You can call yourself Squicky the Spacedog for all I care, but that doesn't make you behind a rocket pack. You are not an agent.
Lou: I changed my mind... call me the Claw of Ling Chou!
Ninja Cat #3: Ling Chou this!
Lou: I've never met a stray.
Ivy: Actually, I prefer "domestically challenged".
Prof. Dad Brody: Our team is red hot, your team ain't doodley squat!
Russian Blue: This Tinkles, he is jerk. He talk too much and shed all over.
Russian Blue: What do they know? I work hard, bring home the Meow Mix...
[Lou and the Russian cat are rolling on the floor fighting]
Lou: Get off me, you furball!
Russian Blue: You fight like a poodle.
Mrs. Mom Brody: I have a bat.
Prof. Dad Brody: I have a mitt, and I'm not afraid to use it.
[Whilst driving like an imbecile]
Calico: [shouting] Get out of the road you lunatic!
Prof. Dad Brody: Who do you think kidnapped us, Uraguay or Chad?
Mr. Tinkles: Like a powerful, dark storm, I will make my presence known to the world. Like a seeping mist, I will creep into the dogs' center of power, and make them quake in fear at the very mention of my name!
Sophie the Maid: [Opens the doors and enters] Oh, Mr. Tinkles?
Sophie the Maid: [sniffing Tinkles] Ah, you're a stinky kitty. First you have to have a bath.
Lou: Well, Miss Challenged, I'm sorry, but I think you gotta leave. My orders are clear. I -...
Ivy, the Female Alley Dog: Orders?
Lou: That's right. I'm a secret agent.
Ivy, the Female Alley Dog: An agent? Why, you're a little small for an agent. Shouldn't you be busy having fun?
Lou: I don't have time for fun.
Ivy, the Female Alley Dog: Ew! tough guy.
[Sophie the Maid has made a matching outfit to hers, for Tinkles, and she is pointing it out to him]
Sophie the Maid: Mr. Tinkles? Guess what I made for you. Now you can look just like me.
Mr. Tinkles: [finally speaking] No, I think not, Sophie. Those days are through. What's the matter Large Marge? Cat got your tongue? Boo!
Mr. Tinkles: Oh my, a talking cat? Scary, isn't it?
Mr. Tinkles: Lock her in the closet, we must remain on scheduele. OUR DAY HAS COME!
Sam: Doom Machine! You're still alive!
Peek: Yep, all five limbs. Sam, you owe me five pig ears, Hickory Smoked!
Lou: You should've fought for me; for my family.
Butch: Why? What good would it do?
Lou: What about man's best friend? History 101, remember?
Butch: Okay, well, here's lesson number two: we help them. We work for them. We tolerate that stupid boochy-boochy baby talk crap. And for WHAT? So that when they go off to college, they can dump you off with some old lady who can't throw a ball without so much as breaking her HIP!
Lou: Is that it, then? You're gonna blame my family for what some boy did to you?
Butch: Look, kid, I'm sorry it played out like this, but it's over. We're shut down.
Russian Blue: [when being interrogated by the dogs] I will tell you nothing! I may look cute and cuddly, but inside... GRANITE!
Cat with Gas Mask: [breaths like Darth Vader] Cats rule! Cats Rule! Yeyeyeyeah! Mamamamaaaaaaa! Oh, yeah! We kick butt!
The Mastiff: It appears that once again we find ourselves threatened by the great Cat Menace.
Mr. Tinkles: You!
Mr. Tinkles: Tell me... Is the game afoot?
Calico: Uhhh... yes?
Mr. Tinkles: WHY IS THE GAME AFOOT?
Calico: Uhh... I... I mean no...
Mr. Tinkles: Ah, excellent. So the puppy is dead. Now, we can move on to...
Calico: Wait, wait... Can i change my answer?
Mr. Tinkles: [exasperated] Is the puppy alive or not?