Linda Blair agreed to some very questionable projects in the 1980s, but this is by far the most bizarre one. It's a supposedly educational video on how to get revenge, but it's not exactly the whimsical kind of revenge. Community theatre actors pretending to be cops or investigators explain to you in great detail how you can ruin someone financially, sabotage someone's car or frame someone for a crime. Suggestions include mailing human excrement to the victim (wouldn't the mailman notice?), breaking into their homes and calling immigration services when the victim is foreign. I'm fairly certain it's played for laughs, but apart from the subject matter there's absolutely nothing that directs you that way. The 'experts' play it completely straight, the information provided seems waaaaaaay too helpful, and there are no jokes or funny situations. But still, it's so darkly entertaining. The video is credited to Bob Logan, who would go on to direct "Repossessed" (also starring Blair) and "Meatballs 4". It's surprising to see he can actually do subtle humor, or any humor for that matter. "How To Get Revenge" is strangely disturbing and unpleasant, but somehow also highly rewatchable.
4 Reviews
Wild
utgard142 April 2024
This would never fly today. This is an instructional video for getting revenge on your enemies hosted by Linda Blair. She is not onscreen with the other actors. She's seated behind a desk the whole time like a news anchor and occasionally she pretends to interact with prerecorded segments. What's fascinating about this video is while Blair is playing the thing almost like it's a parody, everyone else is playing it straight.
The advice given is legitimate and in many cases would result in the arrest of the person doing it. That's why I said it would never fly in today's society where everyone files lawsuits, to say nothing of our increasingly stifling government and the Karens on social media. If this video was meant to be funny, it's not so much. I was laughing but more in the "holy cow I can't believe they're telling people to do this" way.
Worth a look for the curiosity factor and to learn some new tricks. But just keep in mind a lot of the stuff shown here is obsolete today but some of it will still work if you put in extra effort. Mostly gone are the days of anonymous phone calls from pay phones or doing things in public places that have no cameras. For those thinking about doing any of these tricks, I will be the fuddy duddy and remind you the majority of actions discussed in this video are crimes. This is even more true today than it was back then, particularly with stuff like postal regulations. Revenge sounds satisfying in the moment but trust me it's not. Unless you are an oblivious moron you'll be looking over your shoulder waiting on The Man to ambush you while getting groceries or picking up your kids from school. Your cheating ex or annoying neighbor aren't worth it.
The advice given is legitimate and in many cases would result in the arrest of the person doing it. That's why I said it would never fly in today's society where everyone files lawsuits, to say nothing of our increasingly stifling government and the Karens on social media. If this video was meant to be funny, it's not so much. I was laughing but more in the "holy cow I can't believe they're telling people to do this" way.
Worth a look for the curiosity factor and to learn some new tricks. But just keep in mind a lot of the stuff shown here is obsolete today but some of it will still work if you put in extra effort. Mostly gone are the days of anonymous phone calls from pay phones or doing things in public places that have no cameras. For those thinking about doing any of these tricks, I will be the fuddy duddy and remind you the majority of actions discussed in this video are crimes. This is even more true today than it was back then, particularly with stuff like postal regulations. Revenge sounds satisfying in the moment but trust me it's not. Unless you are an oblivious moron you'll be looking over your shoulder waiting on The Man to ambush you while getting groceries or picking up your kids from school. Your cheating ex or annoying neighbor aren't worth it.
Pure madness
BandSAboutMovies16 June 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Thanks to the Found Footage Festival, I discovered this completely psychotic video that promises to teach you how to get revenge. Keep in mind that even though host Linda Blair is going to be bringing you the best advice you've ever had on getting even, this is for entertainment purposes only. I say that because nearly every one of these revenge schemes goes from simple ways to get back to ways to get people to kill themselves.
The first expert we meet is private detective Quinn Vickers (who looks and dressed a lot like Brockton O'Toole), who explains what he did when one of his clients got involved in a pyramid scheme. Instead of talking to the Better Business Bureau, Quinn sent a death certificate to the IRS and Social Security for starters, then made it look like the guy was having an affair, ruining his marriage.
Then we meet a detective named J.M., who advises that the best revenge is putting your mark on pornographic or Communist party mailing lists. Even better, it turns out that there are several homosexual and bisexual magazines out there. Did you know this? Well, it turns out that they take personal ads, so you should fill out one for your target with the return address of their office. If that doesn't work, just send their wife a box of chocolate laxatives.
Vickers comes back and one of his nerd clients explains how they worked to get revenge for someone who messed with him in a Chinese restaurant. So they did what any of us would do - they set him up for armed robbery.
Officer P.F. - who is disguised - then explains how to use the phone for revenge. He advises using pay phones, so this 1989 advice will not work thirty years later.
But you might ask - what if I'm a lady and my boyfriend leaves me for a more popular girl? The simple answer is to get Quinn Vickers on the job. He tells us that, "Wherever there is love and romance, there's also pain and deceit." The answer to someone choosing someone over you is to convince everyone that your ex-boyfriend's new lover has syphilis. Maybe that girl got upset, but she probably killed herself as everyone has a good laugh.
Now, private detective Mark Lewis shows us how to get revenge. Wouldn't you like to be Axel Foley, putting sugar in the gas tank? Good news - that's how to get...revenge. The worst one is putting cooking oil in the windshield wiper fluid, which seems like something that could kill everyone on the road.
Most of Vickers revenge schemes kind of frighten me. Like how he explains that you should turn minorities you target for revenge over to the immigration service. Or put your boss's name in a gay magazine, because that's the best way to humiliate someone. Sadly, I really think this is how some people felt in 1989 (and some people still feel in 2019).
Want to meet another detective? Good news, here comes totally his real name Kyle Pappenpuss who explains how to do some home destruction. Pancake batter in the mailbox? Using weedkiller to put naughty words in the lawn? How about you just adjust their thermostat? How did this dude forget the upper decker? Or mailing a brick with only the mark's return address, forcing them to pay the postage?
Other than Linda Blair, the only other star to appear here - other than Quinn Vickers - is Gregory Itzin, who would go on to play President Charles Logan on 24. This whole thing was the brainchild of Bob Logan, who also directed Meatballs 4, Repossessed and Up Your Alley, one of the few Linda Blair films I can't find - it's never been released on DVD and I truly believe that I'm the only person in the world interested in seeing her in a romantic comedy with an unmasked Unknown Comic.
I really am struggling to do justice to how completely vicious and out there this video is. The VHS era was packed with videos teaching you how to do all manner of things - this was before YouTube for those of you under thirty - and this is perhaps the strangest of them all. It's even stranger because Linda Blair is so chipper and happy about every single thing that happens.
In a society that is offended by even the smallest of infractions, this video is a screaming maniac begging for you to get upset so that it can sneak into your house and leave dirty laundry in your refrigerator.
The first expert we meet is private detective Quinn Vickers (who looks and dressed a lot like Brockton O'Toole), who explains what he did when one of his clients got involved in a pyramid scheme. Instead of talking to the Better Business Bureau, Quinn sent a death certificate to the IRS and Social Security for starters, then made it look like the guy was having an affair, ruining his marriage.
Then we meet a detective named J.M., who advises that the best revenge is putting your mark on pornographic or Communist party mailing lists. Even better, it turns out that there are several homosexual and bisexual magazines out there. Did you know this? Well, it turns out that they take personal ads, so you should fill out one for your target with the return address of their office. If that doesn't work, just send their wife a box of chocolate laxatives.
Vickers comes back and one of his nerd clients explains how they worked to get revenge for someone who messed with him in a Chinese restaurant. So they did what any of us would do - they set him up for armed robbery.
Officer P.F. - who is disguised - then explains how to use the phone for revenge. He advises using pay phones, so this 1989 advice will not work thirty years later.
But you might ask - what if I'm a lady and my boyfriend leaves me for a more popular girl? The simple answer is to get Quinn Vickers on the job. He tells us that, "Wherever there is love and romance, there's also pain and deceit." The answer to someone choosing someone over you is to convince everyone that your ex-boyfriend's new lover has syphilis. Maybe that girl got upset, but she probably killed herself as everyone has a good laugh.
Now, private detective Mark Lewis shows us how to get revenge. Wouldn't you like to be Axel Foley, putting sugar in the gas tank? Good news - that's how to get...revenge. The worst one is putting cooking oil in the windshield wiper fluid, which seems like something that could kill everyone on the road.
Most of Vickers revenge schemes kind of frighten me. Like how he explains that you should turn minorities you target for revenge over to the immigration service. Or put your boss's name in a gay magazine, because that's the best way to humiliate someone. Sadly, I really think this is how some people felt in 1989 (and some people still feel in 2019).
Want to meet another detective? Good news, here comes totally his real name Kyle Pappenpuss who explains how to do some home destruction. Pancake batter in the mailbox? Using weedkiller to put naughty words in the lawn? How about you just adjust their thermostat? How did this dude forget the upper decker? Or mailing a brick with only the mark's return address, forcing them to pay the postage?
Other than Linda Blair, the only other star to appear here - other than Quinn Vickers - is Gregory Itzin, who would go on to play President Charles Logan on 24. This whole thing was the brainchild of Bob Logan, who also directed Meatballs 4, Repossessed and Up Your Alley, one of the few Linda Blair films I can't find - it's never been released on DVD and I truly believe that I'm the only person in the world interested in seeing her in a romantic comedy with an unmasked Unknown Comic.
I really am struggling to do justice to how completely vicious and out there this video is. The VHS era was packed with videos teaching you how to do all manner of things - this was before YouTube for those of you under thirty - and this is perhaps the strangest of them all. It's even stranger because Linda Blair is so chipper and happy about every single thing that happens.
In a society that is offended by even the smallest of infractions, this video is a screaming maniac begging for you to get upset so that it can sneak into your house and leave dirty laundry in your refrigerator.
Weirdness Tainted By Lameness
blurnieghey21 June 2022
I'll give this one a thumbs-up for the weirdness factor, but it didn't really do much for me otherwise. Perhaps, if viewed around the time of its release, it might have been a seen as somewhat edgy, depending on the viewer, but by 1989 I had already done a bunch of the stuff suggested in this movie, so my guess is I still would have been bored by the thing even then. So, with that said, let me suggest that you DON'T do any of the things they describe in this film, as they are almost all completely illegal and were still mostly illegal in 1989. You can't use the US Mail to harass people--it's a federal offense. Harassment by phone is and was also illegal (we learned that one the hard way!), and pretty much any attempt to wreck someone's life involving the legal system or financially using fraud or deception is a crime and, when you're done getting busted for that, you'll get the pants sued off of you on top of it. And so on.
As previously stated by other reviewers, the delivery of the actors (and they are actors) is deadpan serious, but it isn't outrageous enough to be funny and is just mean-spirited at best and downright juvenile and stupid at worst. Given the banality of most of the tactics described, my guess is this whole mess was something fast and easy to throw together to make a quick buck. If not that, then why? Linda lights up everything she touches, but even she couldn't do much for this wreck.
As previously stated by other reviewers, the delivery of the actors (and they are actors) is deadpan serious, but it isn't outrageous enough to be funny and is just mean-spirited at best and downright juvenile and stupid at worst. Given the banality of most of the tactics described, my guess is this whole mess was something fast and easy to throw together to make a quick buck. If not that, then why? Linda lights up everything she touches, but even she couldn't do much for this wreck.
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