[David is flying a kite.]
Alan: Hey, I was looking all over for you and I figured you'd be here. Look, I made my own kite!
[Holds up his kite, which reads "I AM AN" followed by many photocopies of a butt]
Alan: I am an ass. Yes, that is my own ass and the people at Kinko's weren't too happy, but that's nothing a little Windex won't take care of, right?
David: Oh my gosh, I have to tell you this story. Freshman year, Alan hooked up with two girls at a bar - Renee and Jackie. So he's going back and forth between the two of them all semester... until they found out about each other.
Jenny: So, what? He got dumped?
David: No! They had a threesome! I come home that night to find this huge mass of flesh and-
Jenny: DAVID! Why would you tell me that?
Alan: You know, the whole Twinky thing would be freaky enough if you didn't also have to wear it.