Possibly the worst spy-movie ever made... and that says a lot
Oh dear... where to begin? Everything in this movie was so excruciatingly bad and awful that I could only manage to glance at it briefly every fifteen-twenty minutes. I have a theory that this movie was originally supposed to be a pilot episode of a new series; that doesn't really change how implausibly bad it is. It just makes me happy to see that, even though even the worst ideas for new TV-shows slip through and become pilot episodes, only the least horrible actually gets picked up by studios. The plot is poorly written, thought up and put together. It's so simple that I could easily follow it, even though I barely paid attention to the film at all. The pacing is just plain bad. I couldn't muster up the effort to look at the screen for more than about a half minute or less before turning my attention to something else, something more stimulating, which, when it comes to this movie, can be drawing circles on a piece of paper or counting cracks in the ceiling. The acting is atrocious. It appears that most of the actors are Aussies... Australians, I feel your pain. I would embarrassed too. The characters are, as another reviewer points out, cardboard cutouts. Paperthin and empty, with no personality. Everyone's either 100% good or evil. The dialog is painful and embarrassing to listen to. Lines like "They looked like evil Spice Girls" and "Help! Lesbian rapists!" just make me cringe, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. The script is as lackluster and uninspired as they come. Every trick in the book is here, for action/sci-fi/spy movies: the bad guy kidnaps one of the good guys, and tries to bring her over to his side, the hero has got every single gadget imaginable at his disposal, the bad guy wants to destroy the entire world for no particular reason... I could go on, but I see no point in it. The hero spouts one-liners that would make Arnold Schwarzenegger cringe. Need I continue? This is just a truly pointless and entirely skip-worthy film that has no redeeming features and nothing memorable or even slightly original. I recommend this to easily impressed teenagers, and urge anyone else to find something better to do with their time. 1/10
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