- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: [just before leaving curator's office, he notices a painting] Who painted this?
- Curator: Pablo Picasso.
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: I'm a drinkin' man myself, but I've never been *that* wasted.
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Couldn't you just buy the actual paintings?
- Phil: Maybe for a big motion picture like Mission Impossible 3. But I haven't seen Tom Cruise around the set, have you?
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: [thinking] Tom Cruise... what's he look like?
- Phil: [confused] Like Tom Cruise. Geez Mick, were you born in a cave?
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Yeah! How'd you know that?
- Phil: Never mind.
- The Wendy's Girl: Welcome to Wendy's. How may I help you?
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Good evening, Wendy!
- [Driving into Wendy's Drive-Thru]
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Now, you pick out what you want on that menu there. Then you yell it out into that box. Then in 2 minutes, you're scoffing it down, without even getting out of the car.
- Jacko: So, you can eat like a pig... and nobody can see you.
- [winks]
- Jacko: Clever buggers, these yanks.
- Miss Mathis: Your son says that you're a hunter, and that you hunt and kill crocodiles.
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Aw, geez he should know better than that, Crocodiles are protected. I don't kill them, I catch them alive.
- Miss Mathis: [amazed] Oh!
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Don't you worry. There'll be no more fibs.
- Sue Charleton: So did he behave?
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Oh, yeah he was no trouble.
- Sue Charleton: Not you. I was talking to Mikey!
- [After foiling some gangsters who try to mug them]
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Now I know why they call L.A. 'The city on wheels'.
- Jacko: Why's that?
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Well they don't even get out of there car to mug ya.
- Mikey Dundee: Boy, she was a chatterbox!
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Yeah mate, American woman.
- Mikey Dundee: She's got a nice arse.
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Yeah.
- Actor: I read the script on this one and it's even worse. I don't know how these clowns stay in business.
- Arnan Rothman: [to Mick] If You Touch Me, I will sue you for every cent you've Got!
- Jacko: Ha. Well, that's sounds fair.
- [Then Punches Rothman out Cold]
- Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: the people in california are nice and fridley folks untill they get on the road then the act like crazed wombats.