Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)
Vinny: We done a lot of things we're not proud of. Robbing graves, eh, plundering tombs, double parking. But, nobody got hurt. Well, maybe somebody got hurt, but nobody we knew.
Mole: You have disturbed the dirt.
Milo: Uh, pardon me?
Mole: You have disturbed the dirt! Dirt from around the globe spanning the centuries!
[pulls the covers of Milo's bed, exposing clumps of dirt with little flags]
Mole: What have you done? England must never merge with France!
Milo: What's it doing in my bed?
Mole: You ask too many questions! Who are you? Who sent you? Speak up!
Milo: Me? I'm, uh...
Mole: Bah! I will know soon enough.
[grabs Milo's hand]
Milo: Hey, hey, hey! Let go!
Mole: Do not be such a crybaby. Hold still.
[takes a bit of dirt from under one of Milo's fingernails]
Mole: Aha! There you are. Now tell me your story, my little friend.
[looks at dirt under magnifying lenses]
Mole: Parchment fiber from the Nile Delta circa 500 B.C., lead pencil No. 2, paint flecks of a type used in government buildings, you have a cat, short hair Persian, two years old, third in a liter of seven. These are all the microscopic fingerprints of the mapmaker.
Mole: And linguist.
Princess Kida: You do swim, do you not?
Milo: Oh, I swim pretty girl... Pr-Pretty *good*, pretty good. Sw... Good. Swim good. Pretty good. I swim pretty good.
Milo: Will you look at the size of this? It's gotta be half a mile high, at least. It-It must have taken hundred- No, thousands of years to carve this thing.
[Vinny blows it up, and it falls down over a chasm]
Vinny: Hey, look, I made a bridge. It only took me like, what? Ten seconds? Eleven, tops.
Wilhelmina: [over the P.A. system] Attention. Tonight's supper will be baked beans. Musical program to follow. Who wrote this?
Milo: You don't know what you're tampering with, Roarke.
Commander Rourke: What's to know? It's big, it's shiny, it's gonna make us all rich.
Milo: You think it's some kind of diamond. I thought it was some kind of a battery. But we're both wrong. It's their life force. That crystal is the only thing keeping these people alive. You take that away, and they'll die.
Commander Rourke: Well, that changes things. Helga, what do you think?
Helga: Knowing that, I'd double the price.
Commander Rourke: I was thinking triple.
Milo: I'm home. Fluffy? Here, kitty.
Helga: Milo James Thatch?
Milo: Who, who are you? H-How did you get in here?
Helga: I came down the chimney, ho ho ho.
Milo: How 'bout some slides? Th-the first slide is a depiction of a creature, a creature so frightening that sailors were said to be driven mad by the mere sight of it.
[Slide shows Milo at the beach; all laugh]
Wilhelmina: Hubba, hubba.
Milo: Uh, sorry, that's... wrong.
Vinny: Well, as far as me goes, I just like to blow things up.
Dr. Sweet: Come on, Vinny. Tell the kid the truth.
Vinny: My family owned a flower shop. We would sell roses, carnations, baby's breath, you name it. One day, I'm making about three dozen corsages for this prom, you know, the one they put on the wrist, and everybody, they come. "Where is it?", "When is it?", "Does it match my dress?" It's a nightmare. Anyway, I guess there was this leak next door of gas or what. BOOM! No more Chinese laundry. Blew me right through the front window. It was like a sign from God. I found myself that boom.
Vinny: I could unblock that if I had, like, two-hundred of these. Problem is, I only have, like, ten, plus three of my own, a couple of cherry bombs, road flare... Hey. Too bad we don't have some nitroglycerin, eh, Milo?
Mole: AH HA HA HA!
Vinny: You didn't just drink that, did you?
Vinny: That's not good! That's nitroglycerin.
Vinny: Don't move, eh, don't breathe, don't do anything. Except pray, maybe...
Mole: [jumps up behind Milo, scaring him] BOOM!
[Vinny and The Mole laugh]
Wilhelmina: [over the P.A. system] To whoever took the "L" from the "Motor Pool" sign, ha-ha, we are all very amused.
King Kashekim Nedakh: Your heart has softened, Kida. A thousand years ago, you would have slain them on sight.
Princess Kida: A thousand years ago, the streets were lit and our people did not have to scavange for food at the edge of a crumbling city!
King Kashekim Nedakh: The people are content.
Princess Kida: They don't know any better! We were once a great people. Now we live in ruins. The kings of our past would weep if they could see how far we have fallen.
King Kashekim Nedakh: Kida...
Princess Kida: If these outsiders can unlock the secrets of our past, perhaps we can save our future.
King Kashekim Nedakh: What they have to teach us, we have already learned.
Princess Kida: Our way of life is dying.
King Kashekim Nedakh: Our way of life is preserved. Kida, when you take the throne, you will understand.
Helga: Someone needs to talk to that girl.
Mole: I will go!
Vinny: Someone with good people skills.
Mole: I will do it!
Dr. Sweet: Someone who won't scare her away.
Mole: I volunteer!
Wilhelmina: Someone who can speak the language.
Mole: For the good of the mission, I will go!
Commander Rourke: [to Milo, who is not paying attention] Good man, Thatch. Thanks for volunteering.
Audrey: Hey, Milo. Don't you ever close that book?
Dr. Sweet: Yeah, you must've read it a dozen times by now
Milo: I know, but this... this doesn't make any sense. See, in this passage here, the shepherd seems to be leading up to something. He calls it the Heart of Atlantis. It could be the power source the legends refer to. But then it just... it cuts off. It's almost like there's a missing page.
Vinny: Kid, relax. We don't get paid overtime.
Milo: I know, I know. Sometimes I get a little carried away. But, hey, you know, that's what this is all about, right? I mean, discovery, teamwork, adventure. Unless, maybe, you're just in it for the money.
Dr. Sweet: Money.
Vinny: I'm gonna say... money.
Milo: Well, I guess I set myself up for that one.
Milo: By the way, we were never properly introduced. My name's Milo.
Princess Kida: My name is Kidagakash.
Milo: Ki-ki-kidamaschnaga... Uh, hey, you got a nickname?
Princess Kida: Kida.
Milo: Okay, Kida. I can remember that.
Cookie: [Serves everyone the same, nondescript slop] For the appetizer, Caesar salad, escargot, and your Oriental spring rolls.
Dr. Sweet: What, something wrong with your neck?
Milo: Oh, yeah. I must've hurt it when...
[Dr. Sweet adjusts Milo's neck]
Milo: Aah! Ow!
Dr. Sweet: Better?
Milo: Yeah! Hey, how did you learn to do that?
Dr. Sweet: An Arapaho medicine man.
Milo: Get outta here.
Dr. Sweet: Born and raised with 'em. My father was an army medic. He settled down in the Kansas Territory after he met my mother.
Milo: No kidding.
Dr. Sweet: Nope. I got a sheepskin from Howard U., and a bearskin from old Iron Cloud. Halfway through medical school, I was drafted. One day I'm studying gross anatomy in the classroom, the next I'm sewing up rough riders on San Juan Hill.
Princess Kida: We are not thriving. True, our people live, but our culture is dying. We are like a stone the ocean beats against. With each passing year a little more of us is worn away.
Milo: So, I guess this is how it ends, huh? Fine, you win. You're wiping out an entire civilization, but, hey, you'll be rich. Congratulations, Audrey. Guess you and your dad'll be able to open that second garage after all. And, Vinny, you-you can start a whole chain of flower shops. I'm sure your family's gonna be very proud. But that's what it's all about, right? Money.
Commander Rourke: Get off your soapbox, Thatch. You've read Darwin. It's called natural selection. We're just helping it along.
Milo: [after being seasick] Carrots? Why is it always carrots? I didn't even eat carrots!
Milo: Okay. Here's the plan. We're gonna come in low and fast and take 'em by surprise.
Audrey: Well, I've got news for you, Milo. Rourke is never surprised and he's got a lot of guns.
Milo: Great. Well, do you have any suggestions?
Vinny: Yeah. Don't get shot!
Commander Rourke: Looks like all our chances for survival rest with you, Mr. Thatch. You and that little book.
Milo: Oh, my decision? Well, I-I think we've seen how effective my decisions have been. Let's re-cap. I lead a band of plundering vandals to the greatest archaeological find in recorded history, thus enabling the kidnap and/or murder of the royal family, not to mention personally delivering the most powerful force known to man into the hands of a mercenary nutcase who's probably gonna sell it to the Kaiser! Have I left anything out?
Dr. Sweet: Well, you did set the camp on fire and drop us down that big hole.
Milo: Thank you! Thank you very much.
Cookie: I got your four basic food groups! Beans, bacon, whisky and lard.
Preston B. Whitmore: For years, your granddad bent my ear with stories about that old book. I didn't buy it for a minute. So finally, I got fed up and I made a bet with the old coot. I said, "Thatch, if you ever actually find that so-called journal, not only will I finance the expedition, but I'll kiss you full on the mouth." Imagine my embarrassment when he found the darn thing.
Commander Rourke: So we find this masterpiece. Then what?
Mole: When do we dig?
Milo: Actually, we don't have to dig. You see, according to the journal, the path to Atlantis will take us down a tunnel at the bottom of the ocean and will come up a curve into an air pocket, right here, where we'll find the remnants of an ancient highway that will lead us to Atlantis. Kind of like the grease trap in your sink.
Helga: Cartographer, linguist, plumber. Hard to believe he's still single.
Mole: You said there would be digging.
Helga: Go away, Mole.
Cookie: You're so skinny, if you turned sideways and stuck out your tongue, you'd look like a zipper.
Preston B. Whitmore: Your grandad had a saying: "Our lives are remembered by the gifts we leave our children." This journal is his gift to you, Milo. Atlantis is waiting. What do you say?
[Rourke is driving off with the crystalized Kida]
Milo: We can't let him do this!
Vinny: [holds Milo back] Wait a second.
[after crossing the bridge, Rourke pushes a detonator and the bridge is blown up]
Vinny: Okay, now you can go.
Dr. Sweet: Of course, it's been my experience, when you hit bottom, the only place left to go is up.
Milo: Who told you that?
Dr. Sweet: A fellow by the name of Thaddeus Thatch.
Princess Kida: [in Atlantean] All will be well, Milo Thatch. Be not afraid.
Commander Rourke: What did she say?
Milo: I... I don't know, I didn't catch it.
Commander Rourke: You're an idealist, just like your grandfather. Do yourself a favor, Milo, don't be like him. For once, do the smart thing.
Audrey: Where are you going?
Milo: I'm going after Rourke.
Audrey: Milo, that's crazy!
Milo: I didn't say it was the smart thing, but it is the right thing.
Dr. Sweet: Hold on. Back up. Are you sayin' this whole volcano can blow at any time?
Mole: No, no, no, no. That would take an explosive force of great magnitude.
[everyone looks at Vinny, who is fiddling with a time bomb]
Vinny: [looks taken aback] Maybe I should do this later, huh?
Dr. Sweet: Get back! I've got soap, and I'm not afraid to use it.
Milo: Forget your jammies, Mrs. Packard?
Wilhelmina: I sleep in the nude.
[Sweet throws a sleep mask to Milo]
Dr. Sweet: You're gonna want a pair of these. She sleepwalks.
Helga: You said we were in this together! You promised me a percentage!
Commander Rourke: Next time, get it in writing.
[Kida hits Mole]
Dr. Sweet: Ooh! I like her.
Audrey: Hm. 'Bout time someone hit him. I'm just sorry it wasn't me.
Milo: [to himself] Okay, Milo, don't take no for an answer. "Look, I have some questions for you, and I'm not leaving this city until they're answered!" Yeah, th-that's it. That's good. That's good.
[Princess Kida appears and grabs Milo from behind]
Princess Kida: I have some questions for you, and you are not leaving this city until they are answered!
Princess Kida: You are a scholar, are you not? Judging from your diminished physique and large forehead, you are suited for nothing else!
Helga: Someone's having a good time.
Commander Rourke: Like a kid at Christmas.
Cookie: Dang lightnin' bugs done bit me on my sit-upon. Somebody's gonna have to suck out this poison. Now don't everybody jump up at once.
Milo: What's Mole's story?
Dr. Sweet: Trust me on this one. You don't wanna know. Audrey, don't tell him. You shouldn't have told me, but you did. And now I'm tellin' you...
[points at Milo]
Dr. Sweet: You don't wanna know.
Mole: The volcano, she awakes!
Vinny: [waving a lit stick of dynamite] Hey, I had nothing to do with it.
Cookie: I seen this back in the Dakotas. They can smell fear just by lookin' atcha.
Cookie: So keep quiet.
Milo: [after speaking Atlantean] How was my accent?
Princess Kida: Boorish, provincial, and you speak it through your nose.
Helga: Commander, there were not supposed to be people down here. This changes everything.
Commander Rourke: This changes nothing.
Commander Rourke: I consider myself an even tempered man. It takes a lot to get under my skin, but congratulations, you just won the solid-gold kewpie doll.
Cookie: Main course!
[all quickly refuse]
Cookie: Don't you worry. It'll keep, and keep, and keep.
Commander Rourke: Are you sure you're checked out on this class of vehicle?
Commander Rourke: Can you drive a truck?
Milo: 'Course I can drive a truck. Sure, you got your steering and your gas and your brake and, of course, this metal, uh, looking... thing. Okay, so it was a bumper car at Coney Island, but it's the same basic principle.
Milo: This is an illustration of the Leviathan, the creature guarding the entrance to Atlantis.
Vinny: With something like that I would have white wine, I think.
Harcourt: You want to go on an expedition?
[tosses Milo a coin]
Harcourt: Here. Take a trolley to the Potomac and jump in! Maybe the cold water will clear your head.
Audrey: [about an Atlantean] Wow. Look at all those tattoos.
Cookie: Shoot. That ain't nothin'. Look here what I got.
[lifts up shirt, grossing Audrey out]
Cookie: All 38 United States. Watch me make Rhode Island dance.
[wiggles his belly]
Cookie: Go on, baby, dance. Dance.
Mole: The magma has solidified in the bowels of the volcano, effectively blocking the exit.
Wilhelmina: I got the same problem with sauerkraut.
Princess Kida: Cookies are sweet, but yours is not. Sweet is kindly, but that is not his name. Audrey is sweet, but she is not your doctor. And the little digging animal called Mole, he is your pet?
Milo: Close enough.
Commander Rourke: "Mercenary"? I prefer the term "adventure capitalist".
Milo: I'll have to quit my job.
Preston B. Whitmore: It's done. You resigned this afternoon.
Milo: I did?
Preston B. Whitmore: Yep. Don't like to leave loose ends.
Milo: Oh, my apartment. I-I'm gonna have to give a notice.
Preston B. Whitmore: Taken care of.
Milo: My clothes?
Preston B. Whitmore: Packed.
Milo: My books?
Preston B. Whitmore: In storage.
Milo: My cat?
[Milo's cat appears on his shoulder]
Milo: My gosh.
Milo: Excuse me, you dropped your dy-dy-dy-dynamite!
Milo: What else have you, uh, got in there?
Vinny: Oh, er... gunpowder, nitroglycerin, notepads, fuses, wicks, glue, and... paper clips, big ones. You know, just, uh, office supplies.
Dr. Sweet: Me, I hate fishing. I hate fish. Hate the taste, hate the smell, hate all them little bones.
Commander Rourke: Academics, you never wanna get your hands dirty. Think about it: if you gave back every stolen artifact from a museum, you'd be left with an empty building.
[about the sound of the Leviathan]
Commander Rourke: What is it? A pod of whales?
Wilhelmina: Uh-uh. Bigger.
Helga: It sounds metallic. Could be an echo off one of the rocks.
Wilhelmina: Do you wanna do my job? Be my guest.
Preston B. Whitmore: Now, let's go over it again, just so we got it straight: you didn't find anything.
Vinny: No. Just a lot of rocks. And fish, little fish. Sponges.
Preston B. Whitmore: What happened to Helga?
Cookie: Well, we lost her when a flaming zeppelin come down on her...
[Audrey hits him with her parasol]
Cookie: Uh, missing.
Preston B. Whitmore: That's right. And Rourke?
Dr. Sweet: Nervous breakdown. You could say he went all to pieces.
Cookie: In fact, you could say he was transmogrified and then busted into a zillion...
[Audrey raises her parasol]
Cookie: He's missing too.
Commander Rourke: Well, as usual, diplomacy has failed us. Now, I'm going to count to ten, and you're going to tell me where the crystal is. One, two, nine...
Cookie: Blondie, I've got a bone to pick with you.
Helga: [to Milo] Hold that thought.
Helga: What is it this time, Cookie?
Cookie: You done stuffed my wagon full to bustin' with nonessentials. Look at all this. Cinnamon, oregano, ci-lantro. What in the cockadoodle is ci-lantro?
Milo: Alright, Milo, this is it. Any last words? Yeah, I really wish I had a better idea than this.
Commander Rourke: Tell Cookie to melt the butter and break out the bibs. I want this lobster served up on a silver platter.
Commander Rourke: I know I'm forgetting something. I got the cargo, the crystal, the crew... Oh yeah.
Commander Rourke: Look at it this way, son. You were the man who discovered Atlantis, and now you're part of the exhibit.
Milo: Say, Audrey. No-no offense, but how did a teenager become the chief mechanic of a multi-million dollar expedition?
Audrey: I took this job when my dad retired. But, the funny thing was, he always wanted sons, right? One to run his machine shop, another to be middleweight boxing champion. But, he got my sister and me, instead.
Milo: So, what... what happened to your sister?
Audrey: She's 24 and 0, with a shot at the title next month.
Dr. Sweet: Milo Thatch. You're my three o'clock. Well, no time like the present.
[pulls out a huge saw]
Milo: Oh boy!
Dr. Sweet: Nice, isn't it? The catalog says that this little beauty can saw through a femur in twenty-eight seconds. I'm bettin' I can cut that time in half.
Helga: [about Mr. Whitmore] And relax. He doesn't bite... often.
Milo: [panicking, speaking with increasing speed] It's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink; it's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink!
Dr. Sweet: I'm gonna need you to fill these up.
[taking out very large measuring containers]
Milo: [spits out thermometer] With what?
[Audrey is trying to saw Kida free from Rourke's hot-air balloon]
Audrey: I thought you said this thing could cut through a femur in twenty-eight seconds!
Dr. Sweet: Less talk, more saw!
Milo: I know, why don't you translate, and I'll wave the gun around!
[Rourke has just punched the King when he refused to tell him where the crystal chamber is, and an upset Dr. Sweet checks on the mortally wounded king]
Dr. Sweet: Rourke, this was not a part of the plan!
Commander Rourke: The plan's changed, Doc. I'd suggest you put a bandage on that bleeding heart of yours, it doesn't suit a mercenary.
On Screen Text: [the text that appears on screen] "... in a single day and night of misfortune, the island of Atlantis disappeared into the depths of the sea." - Plato, 360 B.C.
Preston B. Whitmore: Atlantis is waiting
[Holds Milo's coat towards Milo]
Preston B. Whitmore: What do you say?
Milo: [Grabbing his coat fiercely] I'M Your Man Mr Whitmore!
[He puts his coat on the wrong side]
Milo: You will not regret this why I'm so excited I can't even hold it in.
[Milo is seasick over the side of a ship]