Sheriff Cravens: [angrily] Wipe that shit off your face! You think that your makeup and black clothes give you POWER... but you're just a scared, cowardly, little girl underneath all that.
Jeff: The gene pool is a little shallow here. Dive in and you'll crack your skull open.
Stephen: How many Heather Donahues does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Jeff: How many?
Stephen: [imitating Heather's loud screaming from the first Blair Witch movie] Just one! Just one of them!
Erica: [Erica finds a cache of video cameras at Jeff's house] I thought all your cameras got trashed.
Jeff: Yeah, well, you can never have too many.
Stephen: Uh, Jeff, I think we've had enough videotaping for one weekend.
Erica: Yeah, dude. Tour's over.
Jeff: Well, maybe the tour's just begun, Erica, because you're walking into the official Blair store. Come on in, everybody. This is where it all begins. This is the epicenter of the Blair Witch Hunt website. Uh, let's see now... I got my sticks. You can touch these, they're for the stick men. Don't touch those, those are drying. What else?
Tristen: Jeff, did you collect these all in the Black Hills?
Jeff: Yeah, every single twig. Over here, we've got a rock formation. Oh, my God, who made that? Oh, I did earlier. Over here, we've got Parr ruins foundation dirt. That's a big item. I sell that. T-shirts, and sweatshirts and hats.
[hands Tristen a hat]
Jeff: Here, Tristen, that's for you. Gratis.
Tristen: I feel better.
Stephen: There was a Safeway a while back...
Jeff: That was in Burkittsville. I never shop in Burkittsville. I don't even piss there.
Kim: Am I gonna have a problem with you too?
Peggy: No problem.
Kim: Ok then, lets go.
Kim: Look, either you ring this stuff up, or I call your manager.
Peggy: I am the manager.
Peggy: Mmhhmm, yeah.
Kim: Well then... PEGGY!
[Flicks her nametag]
Kim: Could you go tell the bitch at the front register to do her goddamn job!
Peggy: Get the hell outta here!
Kim: Not until I've completed my purchase.
Peggy: We don't like people like you around here.
Kim: You know what, I'm gonna make this so easy on you Peggy.
[Starts bagging the beer]
Peggy: I told you to get the hell outta here!
Kim: [Grabs Her throat] Touch me again, and I will rip out your goddamn throat!
Kim: And keep your motherfucking change!
Kim: I'm trying to find the energy...
Tristen: Of the grave?
Kim: To stand up. I'm exhausted, I've been on the road for two days straight.
Kim: They never should've let you out. You're a long way from sane.
Jeff: You know, there's a lot of naysayers who come and say "Nay".
Teenager #3: Hey Elvira, I've got something you can suck the blood outta.
Kim: Oh yeah? Whip it out.
Jeff: If you don't believe in the Blair Witch, then why the hell did you come along?
Kim: I thought the movie was cool.