Buying the Cow (2002)
Mike Hanson: You should stop drinking.
Girl in Bar: Why? I just got here.
Mike Hanson: Because you're driving me home.
[opens car door to see Mike Kissing a girl]
Tyler Carter Bellows: I thought you said you're gay.
Mike Hanson: Yeah, and your point is?
Mike: Always a best man, never a man.
Mike: A blind man could smell your love.
Nicole: That's when you need to say, "Buddy boy, it's time to shit or get off the pot."
Sarah: And I would be the "shit" part of that analogy?
David Collins: You're the only people I've ever told.
Mike Hanson: Yeah, can you keep it that way? It makes you seem kind of creepy.
Amy: [after Mike gives her a dollar when she's stripping] Wow! A dollar! Now I can quit stripping, go back to vet school, and save my sick pony.
[the waitress is missing her right forearm]
David Collins: [nervous] How's the chili here?
Mexican Restaurant Waitress: [Surly and blasé] I'd give my right arm for a bowl.
Amy: I'm just finding it so hard to know what I want Oh, if you're like most people darlin' it's right about the time you found something worth wanting.
David Collins: There is no such thing as the one. It's more of a mind boggling whole hell of a lot of potential ones. That should be comforting, it's actually pretty terrifying. We would all like to kick back and wait for some magical force to show us who we should spend the rest of our lives with. But the truth is, there isn't a lightning bolt that slaps you on the ass and tells you to pick this person over all others. It's like the rain, rain falls all the time. Sometimes we are prepared for it, sometimes we're not. And depending where you are when it hits, you either get caught in it, or you don't. In fact, most of us try like hell to avoid it.
Jonesy: You're hunting Sasquatch. See? There she is
[pointing to DeBeers commercial]
David Collins: Shadow lady? She is the Sasquatch?
Jonesy: She's the myth. The perfect woman. A figment of our dumbass male imagination. Slap a face on the shadow bitch and she ceases to be perfect. Because she becomes real.