Best in Show (2000)

Michael McKean: Stefan Vanderhoof

Photos 

Quotes 

• Scott Donlan : How tall are you?

  Hotel Manager : I'm 6'4".

  Stefan Vanderhoof : I thought so. I feel like Alan Ladd at Easter Island.

  Scott Donlan : Where are you from, like Nor... Norland? Norway?

  Hotel Manager : Uh, I'm Irish-German.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Like Robert Duvall in "The Godfather".

  Scott Donlan : Bratwurst and shillelaghs... paging Dr. Freud.

• [at the butcher] 

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Now, Tyrone would like some of those beef kidneys so we'll have a half pound of those.

  Scott Donlan : No, not the kidneys, it's the membranes, I don't wanna have to pull those things off.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : [rolls eyes]  I'll take care of the membranes.

  Scott Donlan : [to the butcher]  I mean, Randy, you could pull the membrane off.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Will you stop it? So, we'll have a half pound of the kidneys, a half pound of the salmon.

  Scott Donlan : And do me a favor, will you? Just get out one of those pepperoni sticks. I just wanna hold it.

• [after Scott introduces himself as Mary and shows them the pants he hand-stitched] 

  Gerry Fleck : Well you must be very "proud Mary".

  Scott Donlan : Oh my goodness. Who are you all of a sudden?

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Good baby boomer gag.

  Cookie Fleck : Who's that in the burgundy jacket? Mr Hip.

• Stefan Vanderhoof : We're gonna be in Philadelphia for 48 hours, how many tea services can you do?

• Gerry Fleck : [talking about Scott's leather trousers]  Do you appreciate the amount of work that went into this?

  Scott Donlan : I ought to, I did it myself. I did it, I did it myself. I bored him to death, talked about it non stop.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Well that is six months, six months working with leather and red thread. How much fun was he to be with?

  Scott Donlan : Oh... heaven... HEAVEN!

• Stefan Vanderhoof : [discussing the calendar]  We're not gonna sell, just give it out to friends.

  Scott Donlan : I think we should try to sell it.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Really?

  Scott Donlan : Yeah.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Well, if we could give the money to Shih Tzu rescue.

  Scott Donlan : They have plenty of money.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Well so do we.

  Scott Donlan : What Shih Tzus need rescuing anyway? You don't see Shih Tzus straggling around the streets in an old coat "help, alms for the poor".

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Like the little match girl.

• Scott Donlan : [arriving with coffee during the Shih Tzu calendar photo shoot]  All right, I'm coming, hold your horses!

  [pause] 

  Scott Donlan : Oooh, Stefan, we should have gotten horses!

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Yeah, right, little bitty horses.

  Scott Donlan : Just little ones!

• Stefan Vanderhoof : If you're ever buying a shampoo sink go right to the Dutch. The French know nothing about shampooing.

• [an additional scene from the dvd, at Stefan's hair salon] 

  Stefan Vanderhoof : When I started here all there was was lampshade warehouses and leather bars, the serious leather bars where you wouldn't get in unless you had a rubber ball stuffed in your mouth, the wine list was tattooed on the bar tender's face. That kind of place. I remember one guy had a bicycle reflector sewn onto one nipple.

• Stefan Vanderhoof : [talking about the first time he saw Scott showing a dog]  They had the same prance, the same rhythm, it was like they were two members of the same body.

  Scott Donlan : I knew a guy who had two members on the same body, dated him for about a half hour, got *so* exhausted. I'm sorry, go on, you were telling a story?

• Scott Donlan : I'm thrown overboard. Anchors aweigh.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : The Man who knew too much.

  Scott Donlan : Yeah, well there it is, the man who knew too much!

• Stefan Vanderhoof : So finally we bought out the chinese, not the entire nation, this one little chapter behind the wall here.

• Stefan Vanderhoof : [Holding Agnes after finishing first in the toy group]  My little princess!

  [Kisses Scott's cheek] 

  Stefan Vanderhoof : My hero!

  Scott Donlan : Ahh, thanks.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : The Pom was no problem.

  Scott Donlan : Oh, no. The Pom broke his gait. He might as well have taken a dump.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : That little Yorkie, you know, I was surprised she finished out of the money.

  Scott Donlan : Who knew? Who knew? But this is great! First in group. Best in Show coming up. She's like, "Group schmoop. Bring on the formal wear." Which reminds me, I've gotta get back to the hotel. Me, I've gotta change.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : I'll get you some soup.

  Scott Donlan : Uh, bath balm.

  Stefan Vanderhoof : Bath balm.

• Stefan Vanderhoof : I think we're overpacking.

• Stefan Vanderhoof : Too much information.